How To Make A Woman Want You Sexually!
What if you knew exactly what women wanted? How to make them desire you intimately and how to make a woman want you sexually? For the most part, men may think that they need to be the hottest guy, have tons of money, or treat them like shit. But let me tell you right now, that’s not the truth!
I am here to shed some light on exactly what women want as I am a woman myself and I have worked with hundreds of women in terms of what they desire in men! In this blog, my goal is to give you the key principles that you can start to incorporate in your life and create more attraction in an existing relationship, or with the woman you’ve started dating. The key here is to understand the difference between how a woman is turned on by a man’s presence vs how a man is turned on by a woman’s presence. Women are completely different when it comes to sparking their sexual desire. We women thrive off of emotion and how you make us feel. The emotional connection is intricately linked to attraction, and don’t underestimate the importance of how you carry yourself!
If you want to really understand how to master the bedroom, get some advice straight from a woman’s mouth here
How to make a girl want you: The most important thing!
You want to create a foundation for earning this woman’s trust and to ensure that she feels comfortable around you. This is where the true magic can happen! When you can be confident enough to really understand this, you have so much more to offer!
You can show women respect by understanding her values and asking the profound questions that help you get to know her. Foster intimate connections through your conversations with her to really get to know her.
The way you form an emotional connection is simply by showing up with a confident and determined state of mind. You want to get to know her!
That’s why I created this 2 question manual to get to know a woman’s true self. You can use these questions when you get to know her. The best thing to do is to pay attention and always remember what a woman tells you. This way, you can mention things that she suggested and she will see what type of man you are and that you remember details about her. This is important, especially in the courting stage.
In my experience as a coach, I’ve noticed that many men get confused and think that they have to be all about the woman when they are interested, but as a woman, I am telling you this is completely false! Why? It’s a part of the natural attraction process in the beginning, so not only do you want to make her desire you but you also want to make sure you are staying true to yourself and are not giving all of yourself just to convince her you are worth it.
You have to know you are worth it, and this is exactly what I mean when it comes to maintaining a sense of confidence.
You cannot make a woman be attracted to you if she just does not see you in that way. So, first things first, let’s take a look at the signs a woman is attracted to you, and then let’s talk about how to get her attracted to you.
If these techniques do not work, then it’s time to consider the fact that this might not be the woman for you. You can always use this as a lesson to help you understand what you could do differently next time. Perhaps you’re reading this blog now and you end up thinking, “I see what I did wrong in the beginning.” Well, the next step would try to fix things using the suggestions I give you here and if things still don’t change, then it’s time to put your focus on yourself and eventually someone else.
I say this because I see so many men and women every day chasing someone they desire when the other does not desire them. I believe that you need to work towards something that can progress naturally, so how do you do that?
Through observation, awareness, and communication. For the most part, a woman is going to tell you how she feels and it might not be as direct and upfront as you want, but it will be obvious enough to make you aware and integrate it into your plan of action.
2 Tips: How to make a girl want you back when she’s lost interest!
When you’re building trust and an emotional connection with a woman it’s important that you do not lose yourself in the process…
Tip #1: Don’t lose yourself!
You have to make sure you see yourself as a desirable man and put yourself on a pedestal instead of her. In my years of practice, I’ve often seen people fixating on the outcome of something that is a fantasy and they live in a made up reality. It’s called Idealization. If you have a tendency to do this, one of the best things that you can do when you desire a woman is to make sure you do not go above and beyond and lose yourself in the process. This means you’ve got to make sure you’re sticking to your day to day activities and making sure that you are still focused on who you are and what you do.
If this is challenging for you, I really encourage you to download my Master Your Confidence Audio Seminar, which you can use during this process to make sure you stay on track and get this woman to sexually desire you!
#2: The woman must reciprocate!
Another issue that I often see is when men continue to make attempts and initiate when the woman is not reciprocating at all, and if she is, she is doing the bare minimum and it’s making you question her intentions.
I want to be very clear about something. When you are trying to attract women, you have to understand that you are trying to get to know her and instead of giving her everything, you have to see if she is willing to receive you and make some kind of effort as well. So, she needs to show up at least 20-30%, especially in the courting period. She should be asking questions about you, texting or calling you, making time for you, and really just getting to know you as well. If this woman is not reciprocating at all and popping in and out from time to time, then she might be using you for attention or is unsure about you. So, this is when you back away.
Don’t be dependent on her!
Signs a woman is sexually attracted to you and how to make her want you even more!
Now, that we got the red flags out of the way let me give you signs on how to make a woman want you sexually when she starts to show interest.
She recognizes that you value yourself
You have a purpose and you are not afraid to take the lead and go after the things that you want in your life. You are opinionated, yet respectful. It shows a sense of strength and is perceived as dominant energy, which by the way is something that we women find to be very attractive! When a woman sees success, happiness, stability, strength, the life that you are building for yourself, and the fact that you are not afraid to say, “Yes” or “No” to her, she is going to continue to want to be part of your life.
Make her feel sexually attracted to you by the way you interact with her
You can have witty banter with her and tease her here and there, but always a respectful manner of course. This builds sexual tension, shows her that you are not scared to be opinionated and it presents an exciting, natural challenge to a woman.
Two examples of this:
Bring masculine energy: make up a nickname for her, lightly tease her and joke with her here and there. Pick up on what she is giving you.
Flirt with her: make it clear that you see her as someone you want to take it to the next level with. You don’t do this by telling her that you want to **&% her! You communicate this to her by simply showing confidence and flirting with her. Here are some examples;
“Careful with those eyes. I see you checking me out!” Or when she says something that can come off as flirting with you, call her out. “Are you flirting with me?” Then just wink and move on to the next subject. OWN IT!
Building an emotional connection when you want to make her desire you
Women act off of how you make them feel. I talk about this so much in my YouTube videos as this is what gets you sustainable results. I am going to break down what can intensify an emotional connection here.
Paying attention to what she tells you and bringing it up later. Things she likes and things that she has discussed with you. Do things that show her that you are listening to her and are paying attention to the things that she is saying. This is a way you stand out from the crowd.
Flirting with her and asking her deeper questions. Not just about her past, beliefs etc. You don’t always want it to be too serious. Focus building attraction with her so she will begin to desire you sexually. So I’m talking about asking her questions that build a little bit of sexual tension. “Where is your weak spot?” “What do you think about public displays of affection?” This gets her to start thinking about you in a more sexually charged situation, and this can easily spark a sexual desire for you. Asking these types of questions gets her to think of you in a different way.
Simply put, challenge her!
You are probably thinking, ”What in the heck does this mean?”
Well, it means that if you want to make your potential girlfriend want you sexually and emotionally, not only should you state your opinion from time to time, but you should dare her to do things. Make things playful and fun. Dare her and share some competitions together. If she is interested in seeing you again and you’ve already taken her out on a couple of dates, then challenge her by saying something like this, “Now it’s your turn to wine and dine me. I want to see what you come up with for our next date! I would like to get a dose of your world.”
Maybe she wants to take you hiking, but let her plan it. That way, you start to challenge her but you also get her thinking that she has to make an effort for you now. This is great when it comes to building attraction and this is something that can work in your favor!
Using these tools in this blog can really transform your overall beliefs when it comes to getting a woman sexually attracted to you. So many men think that they have to lead with sex to get a woman sexually attracted to them, but this is not the truth.
You’ve just got to understand that you can take the lead, especially because women want men to do this. When you have the right mindset for attracting women then you will be great at attracting women. To deepen your knowledge on the subject, I also encourage you to read the blog I wrote about the mindset that attracts women!
As always I love hearing from you. Please feel free to comment if you need more understanding on how to make a woman want you more sexually.
Your coach,
If you want to really understand how to Master The Bedroom get our product here straight from a woman’s mouth!
Apollonia Ponti
Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills and helps rebuild relationships.
You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book.
To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.
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A woman friend that I have known for a little over a year, at first we were exceptionally tight, I’d go over to her house, fix work benches, fixtures and the like. She in turn, would cook me meals, nice conversation, and have developed feelings of wanting more from her, and believe I messed up one day? I was leaving, and she said very playfully, you are leaving, did you leave anything behind? Then in turn, where I should have playfully said, what are you doing , tapping and pushing her away, then should have pulled her in for the kiss? However, instead of doing that, I grabbed her hard, breathing heavily, and was burning for her, I then ran out of her house like a scared little schoolboy! After that, another day, I went to her house again, tried to kiss her before leaving, and pulled her head from side to side totally, avoiding the kiss? After that, I sent her a deep letter of love and how I felt, about her, and she claimed, it was over the top, then said to another male friend of mine, that I creeped her out, and said I was stalking her! I told her that I didn’t appreciate her saying this about me, and we became distant, with her saying she wishes me well, but we are two different people, don’t call or text me anymore! knowing now, she had lost all respect for me as a man. We see eachother sometimes in passing, on the bus, we still talk, but no texts or calls. I really loved her company, and hanging out with her… How can I get her to look again at me as a better person, then maybe, get back to her trusting, then possibly a romantic relationship?
Hello Gennaro,
Here is the thing. Your reactions caught her off guard and did scare her a bit. You lost your composure and long term that can make a woman think that this isn’t the one and could raise some red flag. I think the time is what will get you to regain her trust. Also, understand why you lost a little control with yourself in this relationship. Give this time and do not try to make any moves on her now. You have to show her that you will not do the things that she knows you will do. Meaning try to contact her again. After a couple months go on then you can try to just start by a simple “hello”. This will take time. Good luck and I am here if you need any further support.
-Apollonia
Firstly hi I am a woman so I know what we women expect from men like you. Actually my advice to you is act casually and careless, flirt with other females around her shortly make her jealous. She will return back to you 100%
I think i will work with your advice.,I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for the past 2years, to be sincere she really respect me, and I love her for that,,But the problem am having with her is she don’t call or text me, so I stopped calling,texting let go chatting for the pass 8 months now…but I noticed she always view my WhatsApp status,,but I still like her,,The main reason I stop communicating with her is she don’t call me as a girlfriend suppose….Please what should I do,,because I like d fact she respect me and my pocket…I like her 🥹
iam love women which we lived each other in one house
so that i would like to ask how to turn that women pl
Hi there,
Thank you so much for your comment but I’m having some trouble understanding this question… Are you asking how to turn this women on?
It also goes to show that you can do all of this. Build the connection flirt be a man and move into the next faze of the relationship. You have done everything right and then she backs off. Wants you in her life but doesn’t know how or when to fit you in. So she asked for time you give to her cause you really care about this lady and you weren’t just there for a hookup. Then 3 months after you give her the time she asked. Keep in mind you are communicating like you’re in this relationship daily. You tell her we should break up because it would be alot easier to be friend’s now instead of a couple more months down the road. She doesn’t want that. She says just a little more time it will all work out. So you give her this. Another 3 or so months goes by. Now she leaves you just before the holidays and just wants to be friends. So you you no closer you did everything right and now you have friend that has totally moved on but is single. Now I have a friend that I’m in love with and have to figure out how just to love the woman she is. Just needed to vent.
It’s real easy to be alienated from the so-called “fair sex” when most women think guys aren’t worth a damn.
I know a lot of women that love men. 🙂
Hi Apollonia – Yes, I know a lot of women who love men too. But as a guy, I can tell you that the “women that love men” only want to be approached by men *they* find attractive. For the rest of us, the clear message from society is stay quiet, never approach and leave all women alone. This is not a mindset thing. For years I observed body language, etc., and tried approaching women in all sorts of places. About half the time, the woman completely ignored me; the other half of the time I was rudely dismissed. Every time, I laughed it off and said have a great day, or words to that effect. It’s easy to tell guys like me to be confident, but the fact is, I am very confident. I know that I am far from perfect of course, but I do love myself and enjoy myself every day. I have many friends (male and female) and many great hobbies. I’m well educated, well travelled and have a lot of interests as well as some things I’m very passionate about. Where approaching women is concerned though, I’ve learned my lesson – it will not work for me because I am clearly unattractive to women.
Dear Andrew a lot of guys think that they are not attractive BCS of their out view but there’s some girls like me who don’t care about your out view we care about your inside. Write back ASAP
This is true, Mell – as I said, I have many women friends, who love socializing with me. But nothing sexual ever happens because – from a sexual perspective – I am clearly unattractive. When I find a woman attractive, I make sure never to express or show it in any way – because my interest will never be reciprocated.
Well I must be a desperate 24 year old that no girls even find me attractive or it’s our I’m just a failure and will never find love again after being cheated on 5 years ago I haven’t hooked up with or even kissed another girl… no one seems to want me. It’s not like I dont like myself. I’m a decently successful musician/ singer and toured the world with my many big name artists. So the whole “woman love musicians” thing isn’t true at all. Not even the musician type girls themselves want to date me. I give up. Maybe I am just unattractive looser and will never find love again.
Like I dont even think I’m unattractive either…
Heres a link of me singing and you people be the judge of that. Because I’m done, I’m done being judged by by people, I’m tired of all the talking behind my back and the bullying ..
https://youtu.be/vRXvMBzD1Zs
me tooooooo. i am put in a position where i know that someone likes me but she say shut up when i say that, we were talking on the bus and i had a vision of us in the bed.
This is just what I need, THANK YOU! I was doing it ‘right’ 30 years ago, without realisiing it, when I landed a girl way above my league, got married, had kids and now we’re separated. But now I know how it all works and will be back on the horse with ‘conscious competemce’.
You are providing an invaluable service here, AP, and I will be back for a coaching session at some point
Hi Peter,
Thank you for reading my article about how to make a woman want you sexually. So happy you’ve enjoyed my content and thank you for the beautiful message.
Best,
Apollonia
“I know a lot of women that love men.” Yeah, that’s what they all say. Sadly, my life experience has shown me the exact opposite. Unfortunately, a romantic relationship is just the bridge too far.
Hi Mickey,
I would suggest for you to read this. Please let me know what you think. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/why-is-it-so-hard-to-find-a-good-woman/
Best,
Apollonia
And there are a lot of women who think all men are awful or worse. Since there is no way to tell the difference, and since I won’t put myself in a situation where I could be accused of a crime, I’m not about to approach any woman no matter how attractive I find her.
Apollonia: I read that article before. I’m just not convinced, and I never will be. Why? As one of the posters commented (and I completely agree), far too many women go out of their way to be unfriendly, stuck-up and unapproachable. Secondly, when a marriage ends, the now misandric courts will make sure that the husband gets financially shredded and kept away from his own kids. Between that, the #metoo presumption of guilt without any hope of due process, and most women firmly convinced that most men are trash, it’s kind of hopeless out there now. And this just didn’t happen overnight, mind you; gender relations have gotten progressively worse over the last two decades. Thus, I repeat, dating today for most guys is 100 percent risk and zero percent reward.
Hi Apollonia:
I got together for dinner with a group of former co-workers last week! As, we were talking about our job, a former female co-worker, who I had been very close friends with, mentioned that she and her new female supervisor had a closer working relationship than she had with me.
This statement caught me off – guard and was wondering why she would say that?
When she arrived for dinner, she gave a male coworker a big hug first and then hugged another female co-worker, also with a large hug in the lobby. Then, when it came to me, she gave me a side hug and said hi. As the night went on, she became more friendly, like she use to be with me before.
When leaving the location, I walked out with her as well as the other male co-worker she hugged earlier. All three of us were talking in the parking lot. After, about 10 mins. he decided to leave. She then gave him a big hug. I also said, I was leaving too, she then gave me a big hug. But then she decided to stick around to speak me for about another 30 minutes, after he had left. We both decided to leave and she said we would keep in touch! and we would still continue to see each other around.
Can you explain what might she had been thinking in sticking around to talk to me afterword? and then also making the comment that she become more closer to the female employee then me?
I don’t understand?
Do you think she showed interest me and or improving our friendship again?
Hi Rich,
Thanks for taking the time to read this blog about how to make a woman want you sexually. I do think that I would need more information. It depends on how she interacts with you and what your conversations are about. I am not 100% what this means as all these things are very broad and it could mean anything. I do think that you need to spend more time with her to get the answers to your questions and she said she will reach out so just be patient with the process. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
Apollonia:
Thank you!
You are the best!
Rich
I think she got you where she intended to. She has mastered the craft of seduction. Her comment about the other supervisor and the hugs was to make you jealous and it worked. she waiting for the others to leave before engaging you means she still has interest but wants it a secret for now. She did probably have options and weighing them. All depends on how u approach it
Hi Apollonia-
I wrote a similar question on one of your videos but thought I’d try it here too. Big fan- amazing videos. I’m speading the word about you to all my friends.
As a backstory, I was getting to know a woman for several months- very ambiguous (I know realize this was a mistake- make intentions clear). We get together, go on dates, get intimate, etc. She once said were almost together- whatever that means. I had to travel for work for 3 months at the end of last year- we grew apart. The feelings (at least on my end are still there)- just didn’t manifest themselves. She interpreted that as a lack of interest and started dating another guy but kept this secret from me (I knew something was up). However, she only told me 3 days ago (she has been with this guy for 2 months I’d guess). In that conversation when she told me that she was moving to a different state to be with this guy, I responded like I wasn’t surprised (a mistake I think). She also said I gave off a friend vibe. Yet, for the next days, she texted me constantly, inviting me to do things, etc..
After losing a lot of sleep over the next days, I stopped by her place and told her that I can’t be just friends and broke all contact off. Its been a horrible last few days but so far, no contact.
I’m curious if you have any advice on how to proceed. Honestly, I love this woman & would welcome another chance as a relationship down the road (obviously not any time soon). In retrospect, I wasn’t clear on what I wanted. However, the real question doing forward is what to do now.
I will say, I’m working on myself- new wardrobe, attitude, etc.
Thank you.
Hello Adam,
Thanks for your comment on my blog how to make a woman want you sexually. It seems that you did not escalate when you were seeing her so she thought you were a friend. The problem here is she is choosing to be with another guy and this is what will not let the relationship happen. What I would suggest is to be focused on you as she knows how you feel about her. She is going to have to get over this guy until she progresses anything with you. So the worse thing to do is wait around. Take this as a lesson and if she comes back then change your approach around her and build attraction. Hope this helps.
Best,
Apollonia
Hello Apollonia
Just want to say what you are doing is great and you are truly helping a lot of guys become better and also guiding them on how to treat women the way they want and need to be treated just makes the balance in life stable. Which in return creates a loving atmosphere for all. My situation is I’m currently courting / dating a girl not officially, and things are going really well, but I am really struggling to read when is ok to go in for the kiss. Also we have already kissed once after our 4th date. The last time we hung out at the end, I took her home and we just hugged and said goodbye I didn’t kiss her after. I couldn’t tell if she wanted to, I would have been okay with kissing her but not kissing her was okay too for me. I also wasn’t seeing the usual signs to go in for the kiss. Is it bad that there wasnt a kiss after this time? I know how some girls get caught up in the kiss so I don’t want to lose the affection that we have going on. A little back story, she is close friends with my sister, so we have been doing things slow, but I do want to establish a little more of physical connection, without doing too much. Things feel at a good pace, but I would like to see her be more into it physically (not too sexual, I do want to respect her morals, she isn’t super religious she just wants it to be right), but just more expressive in a way about her feelings. I know this will probably get better if I just give it time but I was just really wondering if me not kissing her after the last time we hung out was bad and if I go in for the kiss next time without seeing the signs would that be bad? And how could I make her feel more comfortable about it physically? Its been a month and some weeks since the “Talking”/Dating unofficially, started.
I know it’s a lot, Thanks.
Respectfully Alex
Hi Alex,
Thanks so much for your support! The thing about kissing is there is no perfect time for a kiss. You create that. You want to make sure you enhance and go after what you want by slowly holding her hand and escalating one at a time to see how she responds and if she reciprocates then that opens the door for her to kiss you. Do not let too much time go on for you not to kiss her again cause this will give you a possible chance to fall into the friend zone. The sign you need to follow is she already kissed you. So, don’t be fearful. 🙂 Good Luck!
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia – this makes perfect sense except for one thing – I have no idea where to start because I never get to take a woman’s hand. You say that a guy has to “create” the moment to kiss her – but doesn’t the woman need to have given a clear signal she’s at least open to that before a guy proceeds? I never get signals from women, so I have no idea how to escalate, in fact I have a strong impression that women don’t want me to do so.
Hi Paul, thank you for taking the time to read How To Make A Woman Want You Sexually. I think you might first need to start with working on your confidence and how you feel about yourself on the inside. I would really recommend looking in to the Master Your Confidence Seminar. People are attracted to energy. Have you ever naturally felt pulled towards someone and also experienced meeting someone and feeling like you want to walk away from them before you even got to know them? This is energy and how someone really feels about themselves and their intent. It works the same way in dating.
I think the seminar will help you tremendously! https://www.apolloniaponti.co/master-your-confidence-myc
Best,
Apollonia
This advice is great for guys who stand a chance of success with a woman. But the fact is, for some of us there is literally no point in approaching or showing sexual interest in any woman. No woman has ever paid the slightest attention to me – nobody has given me a sign or signal, in high school, college, graduate school, work, never a rumour that someone likes me – nothing. I’m always a friend and never of interest sexually. I’ve never done anything to show a woman I’m interested and have no intention of doing so because there is zero chance my interest could ever be reciprocated. This has nothing to do with how I perceive myself – this is decades of life experience talking.
Hi Paul. Thank you for taking the time to read how to make a woman want you sexually. You mentioned that you’ve never done anything to show a woman that you’re interested. You might be giving off the impression that you’re closed off and that you don’t want any attention. Women are energy sensitive. Maybe try approaching some women and just talking to them. I would also talk to your friends that are women and ask them to be your wing women. Go out, be more open (ask your friends how) and try. Make some mistakes. Ask them to point out when they think a woman is attracted to you. I bet you are surprised by what they say.
Thanks for stopping by.
Apollonia
Thanks for this Apollonia. My women friends already look for women that they think are interested in me. They also say I’m definitely not a ‘nice guy’ in the negative sense, and that I do everything right except that I never express my ‘sexual side’’. I’m not about to express sexual interest even in women I find very attractive (i.e., make some mistakes) because I’m not willing to make myself a target for a potential accusation.
Hi Apollonia – my dilemma is that I’ll never find a woman at all. The only way I would be able to experience intimacy would be to pay for it because no woman could be attracted to me. I’m not the sort of person who would pay for it and there would be no point in starting to approach women I’m attracted to because rejection (or worse) would be guaranteed every time. There are so many other guys out there – all of whom are more attractive than I can be – that women can choose from, so – is it worth even trying at all?
Hi Giulio, thank you for taking the time to read How to Make a Woman Want You Sexually. This is really about your mindset. People are attracted to or pushed away by what kind of energy you’re giving off. Women are intuitive and more emotional, so I really think focusing on how you feel about yourself and working on that. Because it absolutely is worth trying and you can change how you feel about yourself and start attracting people to you!
I would look at the products page and look at Overcoming Neediness https://www.apolloniaponti.co/neediness-seminar-nai and the Master your Confidence seminars. https://www.apolloniaponti.co/master-your-confidence-myc
You’ve got this!
Best,
Apollonia
The only thing I am 100% sure of when it comes to women is that none of them have any interest in me as more than a friend. My women friends have told me that women are interested, but I see no evidence of that and I’m not about to approach a woman without evidence she’s interested.
Hi Anton. Thank you for taking the time to read How to Make a Woman Want you Sexually! I would suggest asking your friends what the signs are and the body language of the women that they are saying are interested in you. This way you can start seeing maybe what you’re missing. Why do you not believe your friends? Especially if they’re female, they’re going to pick up on the cues. Trust them and see what happens! Your mindset is everything with this, how you feel about yourself attracts people to you.
I would suggest doing a private coaching session so I can coach you through this. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
But don’t be afraid to try and make some mistakes! Find out!
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia. I have asked my woman friends to show me what the signs are that women give me – but even though they’ve tried to point them out to me, I just can never be sure enough that a sign is in fact a sign. As a guy, I’m not about to act on what I think I may be seeing because I’m not about to line myself for a harassment accusation that could ruin my professional reputation. Trying is fine – making mistakes that could be costly to me is not. Is there an answer?
Yes. You’re going to have to try and trust your friends. Why would making a mistake with approaching a woman be so terrible? You’ll learn how to and you can have fun doing it. You don’t have to take yourself or flirting and dating so seriously. Just have fun and see.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia, My women friends aren’t the ones who would be accused if I make a mistake. Making a mistake with approaching a woman (i.e., risking being accused) would be terrible, so how could I have fun doing it? From the perspective of someone who’s never approached a woman and never been approached by one either – and never been on a date – there is no other way to deal with flirting and dating than to take it very seriously for this reason. How can I have fun when every approach could lead to an accusation that could ruin me professionally?
“You cannot make a woman be attracted to you if she just does not see you in that way.” Exactly. No woman has ever seen me in *that* way – and experience has taught me that no woman ever will. I have stopped approaching women – even those I find very attractive. Why bother – I’ll just get insulted / humiliated / etc., again for being respectful and polite – and enough is enough.
Hi Piers, thank you for taking the time to read How to Make a Woman Want you Sexually. This sounds like you need to work on how you feel about yourself first. Falling in love with yourself and the confidence you have on the inside is what attracts people. I would really suggest looking in to the Master Your Confidence seminar https://www.apolloniaponti.co/master-your-confidence-myc
It’s not just about being respectful and polite. Sometimes you do have to stand up for yourself.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia – thank you for this. Life has shown me that I am fundamentally unlovable, so falling in love with myself is not realistic. I am very confident professionally and stand up for myself all the time – I do very well professionally as a result. But these things are irrelevant when it comes to attracting women and as a result I’ve stopped approaching anyone. There is no point when my interest will never be reciprocated.
Hi Piers, thank you for taking the time to read How to Make a Woman Want You Sexually. It sounds like you have some negative self talk happening. You can absolutely change this. Challenge where these thoughts come from, who made you believe these things?! And you’re right, the thing that attracts women is how you feel about yourself. Start changing how you talk to yourself. Take the 3 biggest insecurities and turn them in to affirmations. If your head tells you “I’m not enough.” Then the affirmation is “I am enough” do this daily. It’s going to feel weird at first. No more doubting yourself or talking down to yourself. Start talking to yourself like you would someone you love and care about. Would you talk that way to a small child??
You can do this! If you need more help, I would suggest booking a private coaching session https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia – thank you for this, but on the basis of what evidence do I challenge my thoughts? My observed life experience has shown that I am not enough to be worthy of love. I cannot just start believing the opposite of this because I feel like it… I have been alone since I was very young and as a child was badly treated by adults and other children, so I can honestly say I have no idea what it feels like to be loved. I am very successful professionally because my profession is purely rational.
Hi Apollonia
I am really in love.
I really love the girl and based on her attitudes and our conversations I know that she need me. but I am afraid to tell that I love her because I am afraid of loosing her. because she always use to say that she is not interested with boy friends. apart from that I know many guys that come to her but she always denied them. if we spend one or two days without seeing each other, if I ask her “did you miss me ” she always replied with joke “no at all” but really I need your help. should I tell her that I love her? or I should just maintain our friendship as sweet friends. because she use to call me “sweet friend” or “dear”. please I need your help.
Hi Dabo, I would need to know ore about your situation. I would really encourage you to look into the Friend Zone No More. I think that can help you a lot. https://www.apolloniaponti.co/friend-zone-no-more
Thank you for taking the time to read How to Make a Woman Want You Sexually.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia – I have many women friends but have never had a sexual relationship because I am incapable of building sexual tension. As a result, no woman I find attractive ever feels the same way about me and I’m always just a good friend. Having lots of friends is great and I’m thankful for it. But I’m also very sad that I’m never the guy any woman wants sexually. I’ve tried to build sexual tension many times, and even had a couple of dating coaches. But nothing ever works.
Tbh, I am so far from being able to even dream of myself being a ‘desirable man’ I actually had to stop reading for a bit. I’m 43, have never considered myself to be anything but a totally unattractive loser. I have never approached a woman no matter how much I like her. “Unattractive” for me is not a physical issue (it has zero to do with health, hygiene or physical fitness) – nor a financial thing (I’m doing very well). I just cannot ever see myself as anything but totally sexually unattractive. I have lady friends but nothing ever happens – I find some of them very attractive, but never express desire. What hope is there for me? I will not pay for sex.
All this years I thought that love is a lie but now I met this guy in college who’s just one year older than me and I JJUST FELL IN LOVE! I don’t even know his name! But I really like him. Please someone help me !
I will never approach or express interest in any woman because the risks are simply too high and online dating is not for me because I don’t post photos myself anywhere. Do I stand a chance of ever dating?
I never approach women – even those I find incredibly attractive. Because of the bad behaviour of a lot of men towards women (molestation, harassment, etc.), many (most?) women now categorize all men as pigs and treat all men as such. Guys have to pursue (compete for) women and since I will never be successful against other guys, there is no point. They are / can be attractive; I am not and cannot be. Let the pigs fight it out amongst themselves – I am not a pig and will not have anything to do with their game. If a woman is attracted to me, let her approach me.
Hey George, thank you for stopping by and commenting on How to make a woman want you sexually. Great women who DON’T think that way are waiting for great guys like you to approach them and make them feel special! If you keep waiting for a woman to approach you, you might not get the type of woman that you want. Try hanging back and making eye contact and smiling at a woman and hold for 3 counts. If she smiles back and there’s an indication that she’s interested… you can either wait for her to approach you… or maybe walk past the fears and just say hi.
Don’t let fear stop you from finding loving and happiness.
Best
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia – How can a guy tell who these “great women” are? I am extremely doubtful that many woman – let alone a ‘great’ one, would even notice me at all. My women friends – who tell me I make them feel special – tell me I do get signals from women but to be honest, none of them (smiles, long looks, etc.) are clear enough to show me that a woman wants me to approach. If I approach, it’s guaranteed that the woman will label me a creep, and as such, I never approach any woman because the risk of being accused is too high. What to me are vague, ambiguous gestures, that *might* be ‘signs’ a woman wants me to approach her, aren’t enough. I’m not risk averse, but I’m not about to risk losing my career and things I have worked hard for when the chips are heavily stacked against me every time. Telling me not to let fear stop me from finding love and happiness is unhelpful because a mistake would be very costly.
Hi Appolonia, I don’t know how but I stumbled upon your site and blogs but they’re very entertaining. One advice I would want to give to all the guys here that can’t find girls is to develop your conversational skills and dry sense of humour. And just keep it on a ‘friend’ level. The girls then think: ‘Hey, this guy is funny, entertaining, well spoken and knowledgable. I’m having a good time with him here, how good is that.’ And before you know it they want to do more with you and are chasing you. I’m an ugly 60 year old and live all alone already for all my life. All the girls that wanted to get it on with me always got ‘no’ for an answer. I’m very independent and have never been interested in finding a partner. But it shows that the girls get all hot and bothered when you’re just having a great conversation and are not romantically interested…
That’s not my experience at all. I have great convos with my women friends, often one on one late into the night, but nothing ever happens – and it would be farcical to even dream of any woman chasing me.
I’ve got a girlfriend, I’m just interested in getting tips on how to get a little action on the side.
I’ve never approached a woman in my life, no matter how much I’m attracted to her because no woman could ever feel that way about me. That’s the way it is. I have lots of women friends, but never anything more because no woman ever sees me as a potential boyfriend. I’ve been told I have to express my feelings and act like a boyfriend but the fact is, I can’t do that. I’m doomed.
Hi Paul,
Don’t give up before you even start the battle.
I would highly suggest you take our Friend Zone no more course, https://www.apolloniaponti.com/products/. You’ll be able to find a lot of valuable and helpful tools there.
We also have a lot of valuable content on our youtube channel and podcast at no cost.
Wishing peace and love always
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
I’m in love with a woman, she is my first love. Her name (I change it, is Monique).
Now I’m 50 years old.
When I was 25 years old, I had approach her (Monique) and she responded in a manner to me – she accepted to date me. Initially I had admitted my love to her and she “corresponded”, by telling me that she is not feeling the same way, but we can hung up together, if I wanted that. For some months, we see each other almost daily. We went to movies, restaurants, just walking together etc. She also called me in her house, where I went many times* (* about 10 times). But because of inexperience that had back then, I didn’t dare to take the crucial step, to touch her or kiss her. Because of my inexperience and because I repeated that I love her, but she answered me again and again, that sees me as a friend. So by this situation and my inexperience I lost my courage, and one day I said to her that If I cannot be something more for her, I cannot follow, as I want more… and thus, we stopped dating and “separated”. I emphasize that we been seen almost daily, for about two months. She was smiling at me, she looked to enjoy being with me.
When we “separated”, I did (much later) other relationships, but I was always was and still am, in love with her. I’m thinking of her almost daily, all these years.
I got married another girl I met in the age of 40… years passed. Soon I was in an unhappy marriage and last year (2019) I divorced. The divorce ruined me emotionally, psychologically and financially.
Now, that I became again a free – but ruined man – I thought that an attempt to approach my first and truly love, Monique, worth… I found from google her address, and I wrote her a 3 page letter, hand-written. I wrote her, how I feel about her, how I see her in my dreams, I expressed my love feelings and I asked from her, to meet me, where we had met in the first place, 25 years ago. I also put in the letter my data (phone number, e-mail).
I know that Monique received my letter, because I sent a registered letter and if she wouldn’t have taken the letter, then, this would have return to me. But it didn’t return to me; she received it definitely.
Of course I thought that maybe she is married or in a relationship, but what I had to lost? As I wrote in the letter, we live only once, and is a pity to be apart from the one you truly love. The date I asked her, was in about 3 weeks later, in order Monique to have time to think about the whole situation.
I went to the date I had set, but she didn’t come. She didn’t correspond in any way (phone call, e-mail). So she ignored me. And now I’m devastated. I don’t have the courage to start over again. I feel like a dead man. My psychology bottomed.
Thanks for listening…
Any advice?
Haha it hurts doesn’t it. There are two things I am thinking when I read this, as a man. I have blown it too.
First, women get scared way too easily. That’s a judgment. They are protecting themselves. Their sensitivities are beyond the roof. It’s something we have to live with. It’s a cursed world. Also you got in a vortex. Once in them, it’s hard to get out. You tasted the promised land and now you’re kicking your own limbic system and your brain is fucking itself hormonally. You are in loops of self torture because you want and desire something that you lost.
You acted according to the movies, or your fantasy maybe. You didn’t want to be beta so you acted all strong and dominant. I know women like a dominant man but not always in the way and manner you think. It’s hard. I haven’t figured it out yet. They want a dominant man but this is where the devil meets the details, so don’t tell yourself that’s what they want. Don’t feel that’s what they want. Feel that you need to be a certain way, without preconceptions, and figure out what that way is for that given women in that given moment.
I don’t care what people say good women are scarce or good connections are scarce and you lost it, and I don’t like people saying you have to move on or you blew it, as if you don’t already know. How do you recover? I can only think of one way, but this hurts. It’s enough to turn a strong man to drink. Women are definitive man’s Achilles heel. It’s proof god is a sadist. What is the type of power you need? Power is too vague a word to be of any meaning here. But you need to be advanced, quickened, risen up higher levels. She is a cause of pain for you because you had something and lost it and you know you were not properly understood but she freaked out like a child. Yeah you did stuff too and everyone’s brother and sister will tell you that non stop. I’m here to be on your side. Inside you are great but she freaked out. She threw away everything for a few sour experiences. Don’t you hate that? I would change women about that. It’s enough to make a man want to become a king and destroy his enemies. But that’s not easy. Man is a tortured creature. It makes you hate even though you’re not a hater. It’s not even the rejection that hurts. It’s the nature of the rejection, the manner, the facts surrounding it. It’s the anxiety that this will be repeated with other good women. It makes a man want to be mgtow and forsake women, or be rich and just fuck prostitutes. It makes one hate hypocrisy in the world. So you have to stop masturbating and giving away all your power and find solutions. I’ve never been unwell in pretty much all areas of my life but this one area is hard to heal and recover. I had a shit childhood but I don’t care, I’m healed. But healing this issue is hard man. I don’t have religious faith. I see many sad women too- the short ugly women online that are going to have a hard time. Well they can still find someone to have kids with. Perspective can help but I know you feel you didn’t get what you deserve but that’s women and this age. A man is one who has to carry the load- therefore a man is not only entitled but encouraged to put his desires first when he’s free and unhitched. But even then he has to make others happy to make himself happy. It’s hard to be a man in a way women won’t understand, and yet we can’t complain. That hypocrisy is hard to bear. Anyway you have rights too and you have to enjoy your rights. Life was still made for enjoyment and you are not a means to an end but an end in yourself so you can try enjoy life. I particularly enjoy enjoying things that I enjoy but that also spite others.
Hey, to be honest, I loved the way you’ve shaped this post. It is not only written in simple language that can be understood by people who have not done their Masters in English Literature but also in a friendly style. I have always loved to read your blog posts and hence I keep coming back for more. Everytime I visit your website, I am always welcomed with a new interesting post. Thanks. Keep them coming!
I am of zero sexual interest to women. You say that “[y]ou cannot make a woman be attracted to you if she just does not see you in that way” – and for me, *no* woman *ever* sees me in that way, no matter what I do. I’ve read books, taken courses and even hired 2 dating coaches – and nothing. At 48, I have still never been on even one date and it’s becoming clear that I just don’t have whatever it is that makes a woman see a man in *that* way.
I want sex with my teacher.how to talk with her about it.she married.but I like her.and I’m not a sexual history…..
Hi. Am deeply in love with this girl, we talk always, she visits me and i visit her too, we have bin friends for 4yrs. We couldn’t date because of distance but now she is closed to me, she said she not ready for a relationship, av tired everything i could to make her mine but its not working. But she keeps saying that i should give her time and this tinww is taking longe. Tell me how to go about this am totally confused right now and i love her so much i wouldn’t want to loose her again.
Hi Joel,
Thanks for your question but I would need to know more about your situation so we don’t give you wrong advice. I would advise to book a coaching session with one of our coaches.
Best,
Team
Most men have the potential to become a woman’s sexual partner. I’m 43 and I have never shown [sexual/romantic] interest in any woman. I observe other men and it’s clear I do not have what it takes to compete for women’s attention on those levels. Women enjoy receiving attention from attractive men and not from those, who – like me – are unattractive. As such, I have many women friends but have never expressed romantic/sexual interest in anyone – even though I have been / am very attracted to several women – because I’m certain doing so would be offensive.
Well I got this woman friend i met though a older women 70 am 58 years old the first time I saw her I was love struck with her she told me she was married 3 times and 61 years old I never forgot them words woman lie about there age then one day the woman then told me am 58 years old she must of had bad relationships and still talks too her ex husband’s well am trying too get a date with her and she even let me snap pics of her she works a full time job and a expensive car payment now she only comes around too borrow money for gas to work i feel she just uses me should I let her go she promises too pay me back maybe I should just move on hurts my feelings seeing a woman with such class can end a friendship I ask her too sleep with me and she denied me wasting my time with her
Hi Apollonia Ponti
I am very glad I got here and I am also excited you are connected to the readers of your blog. I have read couples of your blog posts and I have learnt a lot.
What brought me here actually? There is this girl I love so much, I made it clear to her and share my intentions with her within a week of talking with her. We chat on WhatsApp and we’ve never met when she told me she needed time and not ready for a relationship. We used to be classmates in school, but we never talked before.
From our conversation, I found out she is scared of breakups. I am not to give myself some hopes here, I have acted very coolly with her, sometimes, I would not call her and not text (I gave her a lot of free space and freedom), we talked and I made her smile and laugh sometimes. But, she hardly calls and texts first and most times never calls back at all. That is some kind of her normal behaviour as a lot of her friends had complained. I once queried her about it, she said she don’t like calling.
The thing is, just recently, we met and had a nice time together (she was very eager to meet me and was very happy when we met). From the eatery, we went home. I felt really great and kept my confidence all through. And a couple of our friends had complained she never visited them, that makes me feel I have a chance with her.
I wish I had read this post before meeting her, I would have built some sexual tension with her tho!
Now, there is a but! She said and had always been saying she’s not ready for relationships at all. I am not rushing her in anyways, but how will I go about it to get her in immediately?
Anytime I think about it, two things come to my head
1. My friends who were once in this shoe and they kept pressurizing the girl till she gives in
2. Give her time and either she stays or leaves. No loss
But, in between, I want her to be mine
I’m an extreme introvert and I have worked very hard to be able to interact easily with women. I’ve always been kind, respectful (not a pushover) and clear in what I want. My advances have been met with nastiness, disrespect and dishonesty by women who have instead chosen to date men who took them for granted, abused and then summarily dumped them. Some of these women – after they have been dropped by the idiots they chose over me – have been distraught that I won’t try again. Why would I do that? Who do these women think they are? They had their chance to date me but chose to say no. And as women constantly remind men, ‘no means no’. And now that they’re another guy’s castoff, I’m not interested. Some women will say it’s not their fault because they were caught up with peer pressure and the dictates of Cosmo – to which I say, “grow up”. You made a mistake which demonstrates that you are not good enough for me. I too have a choice – to share my life (which these women want into) or not. And my response is no – I will not play your stupid little game.
What does a woman think when a man sleep in her house for the first time but never touched her .. because I slept in a lady’s house and slept next to each other but I never touched her but I told her I love her and what she told me was that I’ll get my answer in the morning of which she said nothing in the morning this happened after I had already invited her to my house too.. from that time she hasn’t been that closer to me she even cancels dates for no good reason … Can you help me please what should I do to make her love me coz I really love her
I understand your and others’ points on how to attract a woman sexually from an intellectual perspective but have no idea how to put them into practice. They just don’t work for me – they make sense theoretically but I cannot *do* them. People say I have to just accept that I will be excruciatingly uncomfortable for a time but that I’ll be successful if I keep practicing. But *what* do I practice. Nothing *ever* works, so clearly I’m not getting it. I’ve tried coaches, counsellors and women friends as wing women – nothing. And none of them have any idea why I am never successful at getting a woman interested other than platonically. They tell me I am sexually attractive and doing all the right things, but can never explain why that never translates into anything “more” than friendships with women. The fact is, I’ve never *attracted* even one woman on that level. At this point I honestly believe I am incapable of sexually attracting any woman and have stopped trying because I’m frankly don’t need any more friends. It hurts to have to admit that I’ll never get this, but that’s where I’m at.
I am a 42 year old man and I have never held hands with, or kissed a woman – and never been on even one date in my life. There has never been one shred of evidence that any woman has any interest in me at all. I never approach women – no matter how attracted I am to them – because no woman could possibly want me. I look at couples every day and although it pains me, I know that I am fundamentally unattractive and nothing can be done to remedy this. I have many women friends who tell me I’m a consummate gentleman, that I make them feel special and that there are many women who are interested in me. They say that all I need to get a date is to trust them when they say I am attractive and then put myself out there and ask women out. I thank them for trying to make me feel good, but tell them I never see any evidence that any woman actually sees me as sexually attractive. I’ve read that in many cases, women initiate connections by sending signals to men they find attractive and want to pursue them. I have never gotten a signal of any sort from any woman. As such, I do not express my interest in or approach any woman, and will not until I get a clear signal from her that she is interested in me. The total lack of interest from any woman over the decades has lead me to conclude that for me there is no point in trying.
Most advice I find on attracting a woman sexually can be boiled down to “Make it clear to her from the beginning you’re interested in her.” Since I am fundamentally unable to do that, I am permanently stuck. It doesn’t matter what other suggestions, steps, tips, etc., say – how apparently obvious they are – I just ***can’t*** do them. I am unable to show sexual interest in any woman – even though it may be driving me crazy. All I ever get is friendship with women I am sexually attracted to because that’s all I am capable of communicating.
There is a widespread assumption that guys “just” know how to communicate non-platonic interest in women. I guess I didn’t get the memo on this one – I literally have no clue whatsoever. People say “flirt with her” (I do not know what that means); they say “use witty banter with her and tease her” (I draw a complete blank on both). I am not a guy who sits at home and does nothing – I socialize as much as I can, and talk to lots of women. Sometimes we talk, debate, laugh and chat for hours, and then go our separate ways. Even when a woman gives me her number, we meet a few times and then she stops contacting me. I am clueless on what to do.
“How To Make A Woman Want You Sexually!” – thanks, but seriously, some if us are incapable of doing this to the point where it’s actually laughable just trying to imagine it (I can’t). No woman has ever felt – or could ever feel – sexually attracted to me. I wish other guys good luck – for me I don’t have any idea of what that would feel like, and there is no point trying.
I’m 42 and have never had a woman interested in me in a sexual way. People’s advice online and in person is that to change this, I need to stop trying to be friends with people I want to sleep with. OK – but I have no idea what this means. They say I need to create sexual tension with women I like – again, palpably clear but totally incomprehensible to me. I feel the same deep desires for / attraction to some women that I think other guys do. The difference is, I am literally unable to show it and so have never gone on a ‘date’ (I’ve gone out hundreds of times with the many women who I’m friends with (and in many cases am very sexually attracted to) – but those aren’t ‘dates’). I really feel that I am missing something fundamental – like I don’t have whatever it is that other guys have that makes them able to try to be other than friends / create sexual tension with women they like. I’ve seen a few therapists about this but it has been nothing but frustration – none of them have been able to help at all. The advice they have makes sense when I’m sitting listening to them. The problem us, I am simply unable to ‘do’ it.
OK, women may want men as much as men want women (very general, ungrounded statement), but without **crystal clear** (unmistakeable) evidence a woman is attracted to a man (that she shows first), he should never even think of approaching her. This is because approaching any woman – no matter how / where / when it is done – can result in a sexual harassment accusation, which is all the more concerning because our society has determined that men are always guilty. I’ve been reading your blog for a while but have never seen this very serious issue mentioned anywhere in your articles.
Thank u so much Ap i also had some problem wiz my girl frnd we dated 4 some 2 1 month bt at first she invited me 2 meet her nyt bt she gave a kiss only n i also invited her 2 my house 4 2times she accepted 2 come n she gave me a kiss but when i asked 4 sex she told me she was nt ready what shud i do