Taking a Break in a Relationship: But My Girlfriend Still Wants to See Me!
The words that we always hear that make us cringe are typically, “I need a break” or “I need space”, and that’s when you kind of go into the fight or flight mode, right? You start freaking out because you’re going to lose this woman or you’ve maybe made a mistake and you have the potential to lose this woman, and then you go into the fight or flight mode. You’re going in to rescue mode, where you’re trying to tell her you love her, do everything for her and you’re just trying to clean everything up, but it’s actually the opposite of what you need to do because that can come off as overbearing and it kills attraction. If you’re reading this article you might be going through this right now. There’s no need to stress, understand that taking a break is sometimes a good idea. Read on to find out why it is and how to take a break in a relationship the right way.
How to take a break in a relationship and 4 reasons why taking a break in a relationship is a good idea.
#1 You’ve lost your sense of self.
Now the first thing in regards to taking a break when it’s a good idea is when you lose your sense of self. Understand that taking space happens for so many reasons in relationships. This is where one on one coaching sessions can help tremendously so they can be tailored for you and per situation. The biggest reason I see a lot for needing a break in a relationship is when one of the partners or both people lose their sense of self.
This happens a lot in relationships and it’s very easy to happen if you don’t have control of yourself, right? When you lose your sense of self in a relationship, you can wind up doing everything else for your partner and putting your partner first before you put yourself. Taking a break is a great idea when you lose your sense of self because it builds attraction back, it helps you get clear here with your intent, with what you want, who you are, and how to move forward in the relationship and how to communicate it.
#2 Trust needs to be regained again.
The next thing is you might need to press the reset button and regain trust again. Maybe someone cheated on the other or they don’t trust each other for a specific reason and they want to get back together, they dive right in again, into a full-blown relationship. The trust issues are still there, though. But I get it, you want to dive in and have the relationship again, you want that feeling again because you love this person. This is the opposite of what you should do, however, and the reason being is because in order to regain trust in a relationship, it takes one thing, and I’ll give you a guess of what that is, take a moment. What do you think I’m going to say?
Time. In order to regain trust, it takes time. But why? To prove someone’s actions. You can only prove and gain trust through time and actions to show the change. Actions are a sense of change. The biggest thing in regards to taking a break that I want you to understand is if something happened that really broke trust in your relationship, you really need to hit that reset button and I challenge you to not jump back into this relationship. I know a question that might be going through your head right now, “Apollonia, but if I don’t jump back into this relationship, this woman will probably leave me and fall in love with another guy.” And the response to that is, “Okay, well then she never loved you really in the first place.”
We have to give up our sense of control when we are just wanting something so bad to work because the more that we try to make something fit or put water in oil as some may say, the more energy we’re giving and the more we lose our sense of self. The more things go the opposite way for us. When we’re trying to control things, they typically fall out of control. That’s why it’s so important that I make videos and write these articles for you guys because I really want you to understand this. I have created tons of content on this that will literally change you into being a new man, but it’s about how you put in the work for these specific areas of your life.
#3 You or your partner don’t know what you want.
Now the next thing in regards to when taking a break is a good idea is when either you or your partner are confused and you don’t know what you want. A lot of times, people go into relationships and they want to have that person there but they don’t want that full commitment. They might be confused because life has its challenges or they might be confused because they have trust issues. They might be confused because she doesn’t know what she wants and here’s the thing, men, is when a woman doesn’t know what she wants, that’s a red flag and I talk about that all the time because a woman that wants a relationship and wants you are going to know it and be sure of it. When you feel like you’ve lost your sense of control and the woman has more control of this relationship than you do, taking a break is a good idea when she’s really confused on what she wants and she’s not sure that she really wants to be with you.
#4 There’s disrespect and lack of boundaries.
The next reason why taking a break is a good idea is your partner is being disrespectful and you’re having a difficult time setting boundaries. This is so important. Now, this goes back to tip number one, right, is finding yourself again. Because if you haven’t found yourself, it’s hard to set boundaries because you’ve let this person either control you or you’ve been this passive man in the relationship and that’s not what I want you to be because that’s not what keeps a relationship healthy and it does not cultivate that fun attractive, seductive thing in relationships for years to come. What I’m saying here is, if you have difficulty setting boundaries in your relationship, being assertive with women or just in general in your dating life, I encourage you to really focus on this. Knowing your values and learning how to set and keep boundaries is key. It’s an attractive quality and women don’t want a doormat. They want a partner who values himself.
I made an audio seminar called Master Your Confidence which I encourage you to download if this is something that you struggle with because this is going to help you get aligned with yourself if you have trouble setting boundaries. There might be this inner confidence that is hard for you to find or get clarity on or maybe you’re just confused about it, and I believe this audio seminar will definitely help you.
Now if one of the reasons why you are taking a beak is you’ve been disrespected by a woman, I asked you: why are you still in this relationship? This is when taking a break is a good idea. It’s not to say that you guys won’t ever be together again, but it’s to show her that your intent is true. If you stay in the relationship with someone that’s disrespectful, you’re basically enabling their behavior and saying it’s okay by staying there. When you walk away and show your intent that you’re not going to put up with this anymore and you’re not scared of losing her, then it gives her the opportunity to really step it up.
How to deal with taking a break in a relationship!
If your partner comes to you and you hear those words, “We need to take a break.” Don’t panic. The most important thing that you want to remember is, do not beg or plead or become needy and insecure here. That can wind up pushing them away further and solidifying that it might not work out. I understand that this can be a really good thing. Your partner is seeing that something is not going well, and instead of ending things, this is an opportunity to get some space, gain some clarity and possibly come back even stronger.
If your partner approaches you and wants to take a break, breathe and realize that chances are you really feel the same way. There might be something that’s happening where if you guys keep going, you can wind up completely destroying any chance you have for your relationship to work. Talk to your partner and agree with them. Tell them you both need space and if it was something where you might have been too needy and your partner is needing space, take at least 3 weeks to a month. This is where the work really comes in though. In order for your relationship to possibly come back and work out, it takes working on yourself and finding your happiness from within.
Is taking a break in a relationship healthy?
Absolutely. When things are becoming derailed in a relationship, it can either go too far for the relationship to work out or there can be a pause. Understand that space in relationships is extremely healthy. Making sure that you are taking care of your own happiness, supporting each other, communicating, and that your values and life goals are aligned with each other. Taking a time-out to realign and recenter can actually allow for the relationship to become even stronger.
The problems can increase and destroy a relationship when you push things down, try to “work it out” and push through whatever is happening. That leads to one of the partners not feeling heard, and for someone in the relationship to either try too hard and push the other person away or revert back to the bad behaviours that got you guys here in the first place because by not resetting boundaries and sticking to your morals, the other person is now enabled and there are no consequences for bad actions.
What to do while taking a break in a relationship…
This is the perfect time to get back to self-reflection and rebuilding your confidence and happiness from within! If you feel like you’ve lost yourself, start seeing what areas of your life you have been neglecting while you’ve been focused on your partner. How long has it been since you’ve seen your friends and family? What hobbies have you given up that you’ve missed?
This is where you want to ask yourself questions and really get honest with yourself. Outside of the relationship, are you happy with where your life is at? Is your career where you want it? Are there things that you’ve always wanted to try but kept putting it off? Go take those salsa dance lessons, go skydiving, do things that get you out of your comfort zone and try new things that push your perspective and experiences on life.
Take yourself on dates and learn to fall back in love with yourself. What are the qualities that your partner fell in love within the first place? If you feel like life has been weighing you down and you’ve been negative or not happy, start doing a gratitude list nightly where you write out 5-10 things that you are grateful for that day. Get back in the gym and start working out and taking care of yourself, this releases endorphins and serotonin and helps with how you feel about yourself and your overall happiness.
Another thing to do while you and your partner are taking a break is to reestablish your boundaries and the things that are important to you. In order for other people to respect you, you have to respect yourself. No one else will do that for you. If you need help on how to create boundaries, you can check out the article here. And know that no matter what happens, when you are working on yourself and you stick with your morals and integrity, the right things and people will come into your life and stay.
If you liked today’s article, please give it a thumb’s up and as always I welcome your comments, questions below and I’ll see you again in the next video and remember you are always loved.
Your coach,
Apollonia
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Appollonia, I love my wife. We have been together 27 years married. My life has basicly
circled around her. I’m 60 and not wanting bachelorhood. How long is too long-separation? Plz reply.
Hi Bob,
Thank you for reading my blog about taking a break in a relationship. I would have to know more about your situation and why the separation occurred. I would encourage you to book a session here so we can help. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
I had a woman say to me, i don’t feel the same way.
I had a woman say to me, i dont feel the same way.
That article was just what I needed today! I stepped back from a situation where she was in control and I was passive about how I was being treated. Making excuses for why she was doing things. I know I deserve better.
Hi Rich,
Happy your enjoyed this read about taking a break in a relationship! Also, I appreciate you and your comment. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
Two year relationship with widow. Family and friends know about relationship, but it’s not publicly acknowledged or mentioned. It’s the end of 2019, marking the end of when we would be coming out. She still grieves late husband (deceased 3 yrs). Out if the blue, email saying she needs a time out to think about things. No contact verbally. Likes pics of my on social media, said she loves me an email response, but I’m in day 4 of no contact. So confused.
After 2 1/2 weeks, she reached out by email. Small talk about her followed up with asking how I was. We exchanged a few emails and I kept things pretty short. I asked more than I revealed. I actually thought it might progress, but she disappeared again. I feel like she was just checking to see if I was still there. I don’t know.
Hey John, thank you for taking the time to read Taking A Break in a Relationship. I would need to know more about your situation, but it sounds like she’s checking in but still dealing with her own things. We can’t change people or fix them, she has to let go of this past one. When people pass away, our minds can still feel like it was abandonment, and that might be the issue she has to work through. I would suggest continuing to give her space, you’re doing great with this. If you need more guidance, you can book a private coaching session https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
Thank you! I know that she will reach out again. I just don’t know if I should be treating this as a breakup and ignore her until she truly reaches out or just be her rock and respond. I feel like her interest is low and she’s just making sure I’m around.
Thanks again!
Hey John, that might be the case. Again, I would need to know more for better advice so I’d suggest booking a private coaching session. Just keep it noncholant and you can respond back to her. But focus on your life. Your goals. How do you feel about where you’re at.. focus on that and finding happiness from inside of youself.
Best,
Apollonia
6 weeks and pretty much no contact. She reached out by email apologizing for hurting me and thanking me for giving her/us space. She said that she would be ready soon to reconnect. I’ll be honest. I have changed and am not the same person I was 6-weeks ago. I will not date a married woman (Widowed, but staying married to late husband). Its take these 6-weeks get recalibrated and on my purpose and I don’t want to find myself over investing. It’s her turn, if she chooses to fully return.
I being through that before I just left and never went back to her
I had my girlfriend tell me this. We were in a polyamorous relationship and she ended up choosing the other guy over me. I gave her the space she wanted, but in the end she chose the other guy. I’m still recovering from being hurt by her.
Hi Jonathan,
Sorry this happened but don’t let this situation take from you as you will find someone out there that will love to be with you! Thank you for reading my blog about taking a break in a relationship.
Best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend asked for space and didn`t tell me why she needed it and I asked but she didn`t tell me so I didn`t allow it and it later resulted in a break up which I begged her but it didn`t work and it was because I didn`t know all this information but I would like you how I can still get her back because I still love her and she knew bu her reason for the space or breakup is she entered into the relationship with me just one month after breaking up with someone and she also wants marriage in the shortest possible time and I didnt seem to be making that come to pass for her and she also have home issues so she is just confused about her life.
Hi Brave,
Thank you for reading my blog about taking a break in a relationship. I know relationships can be hard but they are also lessons. I hope everything works out for you and thanks for stopping by! 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
Good read
Hi Patrick,
Thank you so much for your comment. Happy you enjoyed the blog about taking a break in a relationship!
Best,
Apollonia
I like a certain lady and had a great time with her, but she suddenly went cold and has ignored me completely…..I wonder what I said or did wrong?? everything was going on well…..Should I leave her alone for good??
Hi Moses,
The one question I would ask is who is trying harder for the relationship or to contact eachother. If it’s you pull back a bit and see if she will initiate.
Apollonia you’re always on point…
Thumbs up to you👍
Hi Gerald!
Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving a comment on this blog about taking a break in the relationship.
xo,
Apollonia
I am in this situation right now and am glad I took a coaching session with Natalie!
Although, as she mentioned “don’t know if she will come back” was a bit of a slap in the face, I took it with an open mind and heart! Even if my gut tells me we can have another chance, I will be ok if she doesn’t come back into my life because I know that I will be ok with myself because I’ve understood that I am worth it as a Man and will stand only to my believes and morals!
I deserve to be happy and will be the only one in control of it!
Jeremy
Hi Jeremy. Thank you for taking the time to read Taking a Break in a Relationship. Exactly! It’s about what you do with that time during the break and it sounds like you’re really doing the work! I’m so happy to read that you coached with Natalie! You absolutely do deserve to be happy and you are in control of that.
Wishing you the best,
Apollonia
I was feeling so down and after reading this coaching words my heart get at peace and i managed to sleep again.i have been in a relationship for 11 years and we have a 5years old boy together,i really love this woman thats why my heart is in pieces .
we had a argument than she decide that we should break up coz a lot happened and she got enough of it.always try to talk to her but she is rejecting me.i start begging her but she is refusing. I thought i was doing a right men’s duty as a man but i realised that i am chasing her away..from ther i stoped to contacts her.after a week without no contract she texted me”hi how are you” i responded after 3hours thn she started arguing again.i was always thinking over and over and i realized to Google something about how to get my ex back.i came across apollonia ponti.this is so helpful and i think i am becoming a new person.i am realising everythng that i put on hold when i was with her,how i could benefited from it..having a break up is a good idea and can reset your relationship..
Hi Boas, thank you for taking the time to read Taking a Break in a Relationship. I’m so glad that the content is helping you! That is amazing you are becoming a new person! Keep going! That’s fantastic to read.
Wishing you the best,
Apollonia
I’ll try and be short. My friend texted me and said, that his friend is in town and I should meet her, so come to the bar. So I did. We actually clicked emotionally and physically. A little bit later we were talking and she brought up a sad event happening in her life that her mom is sick and she in the hospital. So, I told her that, my mother was sick a few years ago which she is now at 4 years in remission! So anyways, after we talked about that, I went to the juke box and started to play some music, not waiting too long, she came over and she loved the song I played and put her arms around my neck and I told her to play choose the next song.
So wrapping up, I got her number and we tried to meet up a couple days later but didn’t have time. We were both busy. Ive texted her a couple times and received a few texts in response about going out on a date when she was back in town but I know she has a lot on her plate since she’s dealing with her mom. I haven’t texted her in a couple weeks just to give her her space.
So my question is, should I text her again? Also, when she does come back to town should I take her out a date and if so what kind of date should I take her on to get her mind off her mom for at least a little bit. Or, enjoy each others company with my friend who introduced us, hang out so she can be in a comfortable situation?
Hi Tom,
Great question and thanks for your comment. I believe you can text her again to check in but don’t have an expectation of anything happening at this moment since she is going through a lot at this time. I’m sure you know how it is. Once you don’t have expectations you won’t be disappointed. I think you should put the asking on the date on hold for a bit and try to have some conversation with her on the phone. If your friend that introduced you can plan something again do that. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
Oky so i am in an extreme complicated situation right now, the girl that i am in love with was in the talking stage with another guy then things between them got pretty messy. So she started talking to me and even when we were talking she always bring that dude up i told myself she is talking to me and she still wont forget about me maybe its a sign that they are meant for each other. So a few months later she said we were moving too fast and she still had feelings for that other dude and broke things off with me. Even after this we still had a spark , and she said she felt it. But in November i did something terrible like i told people about our sex life in a gc and she found out she decided to take a break from me for a week. When she came back it was not the same, i was feeling it , she took way too much time to reply to my texts, it was like she was uninterested. Last night i comfronted her i told her to tell me what was really going on she wouldnt at first but i keep on pushing her and she finally admitted it. She said me and the other are kinda into each other right now we are finding our way back. She said she still loves me and she doesnt know who she wants to be 100 with. I got mad and i told her why would you go back to him after everything he has done to you. She was like he is not a bad person. And she also told me why she lost a lot of interest in me it was because i am a cry baby, i am emotianally unstable for a guy. Thats what drove her away and that i would never change. She told me we will never be anything more than bffs i got friendzoned i made everything worse by begging her to give me a last chance. It just irritated her more. I screwed everything up. Do you think i will ever be able to win her back?
Hi Andre. Thank you for reading Taking a Break in a Relationship. Ask yourself, what are the things you liked about this girl? What are the things that you DON’T like about her? If someone is going back to a toxic relationship then that means they have unresolved issues and are not emotionally available or ready for a healthy relationship.
How you respond though is on you. It sounds like there might have been attachment to this girl when she was never fully available. I would really look at this. It’s okay to be open, honest and show vulnerability. However, women lose attraction when you’re emotions are reactive and you are not in control of them, meaning you’re reactive. It is extremely important for a woman to feel SAFE emotionally with someone. I would suggest looking into the Overcome Fears Neeiness and Insecurities seminar https://www.apolloniaponti.co/neediness-seminar-nai28405071
Focus on your life and go 30 days no contact with this girl. Your happiness comes from within not from someone else. We can’t place our emotions on someone else and expect them to make us feel better. That’s putting too much on someone else. We’re in charge of our own emotions and how we feel about ourselves.
Go 30 days and really dig in and build your confidence and fall in love with yourself. After that, ask yourself, is this girl who chose another guy repeatedly… is this who you want to be with?
If you need more coaching, I’d suggest a private coaching session.
best,
Apollonia