When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!
How horrifying is it when she says she needs space!? You’re probably feeling confused and wondering how you can fix this, right? That’s why I created this article! In this article, I am going to tell you the reasons why she is asking for space and help you understand what to do moving forward, how to get her back and recover from the heartache.
Right now is the best time for you to reflect on yourself. You also might be confused because you feel like you did everything right. You were there for her, you showed her affection, you spent time with her, and gave her almost everything she wanted. You want to live happily ever after and have a wonderful life! Unfortunately, that isn’t always the right way to look at love. Love can provide the biggest lessons for growth as an individual and if we don’t learn from them, we live in worry, fear, and misery. We then become complacent, we don’t learn or move forward, and these things happen again, again, and again.
Understand that it is impossible to never irritate your partner. It’s really about how you’re both working through the emotions that surge up. Overall, the biggest thing is if she wants space, give her that space. Do not text her. Do not call her. Just let her be. Let her text you, let her call you, allow her to initiate contact with you. From a woman’s mindset, when we say we need space, it’s sometimes because we know a man is doing everything in his power to be with us. It can be a great thing, but there is a thing as being too much. When we get into a relationship or if we get involved with someone, we may be unsure of whether they’re a match for us, or maybe we’re suffering from something that’s going on in our lives right now. You don’t know.
I welcome your comments on this blog but I also encourage you to make the investment so you are 100% guided through my I Need Space Program: I NEED SPACE PROGRAM
Girlfriend Says She Needs Space: What can you do?
Your girlfriend tells you she needs to be alone for a while and you immediately are filled with worry. What do you do? When a girl says she needs space, the most impressive thing you can do for yourself and your girlfriend is to not call or text her. Let her initiate. In a woman’s mind, when she sees you as less available, she’ll start reaching out to you. It draws a connection, it reignites an attraction to you, and we start to think, “Is he okay without me?” If a woman has feelings for you then she won’t be OK with this.
This is the way you switch her thinking, and that’s exactly what you want to do. You want to give her space because if she’s going through something personal or even if you thought you were too overbearing, then it’s vital that you give her space. If this eventually leads to a relationship or if you’re in a relationship right now, you have to show her that you can give her space and the time that she needs. If this woman is pushing you away because she’s going through something and she doesn’t want you around, then you need to reanalyze the relationship. There might be a disconnect, or she might not have the same feelings for you. The reason why I mention this is because typically when a woman loves a man, she will be open enough to share things with him or want him by her side when she is going through a tough period. Next, think about the conversation that you’re going to have with her because life happens. If your girlfriend handles her troubles by herself, talk to her about why and try to understand this reasoning. Ask her to show you how can still be present for her. This is vital to every relationship because communication is key.
If it’s one of these two scenarios, you want to explore the relationship and how you’re going to confront her the next time that you speak to her. Of course, you want to handle this in a compassionate way; not in an argumentative way. Think about how you will get your point across and still be present to her needs while staying true to the man you are.
When She Says She Needs Space: 5 Tips on what to do next
Tip #1– Plan things to do alone or with other people and enjoy them. Make yourself busy during this time. When your girlfriend needs space, do something that you’ve wanted to do with friends or family. Travel somewhere for a quick getaway weekend and explore the city. Doing something will keep your mind busy thinking about something positive that you enjoy instead of thinking negative thoughts like, “What is she’s doing? Why does she need space? Does she even like me? Are we breaking up!?” All of these questions are negative self-talk in your head, and it’s not going to do you any good. That’s why it’s so important to keep busy.
Tip # 2– Explore the relationship. Think about the relationship right now. Unless something happened like a family member passing away, a health issue, or something drastic going on in her life right now, explore the relationship because it’s imperative that you’re with a partner that you can see a future with. Analyze the relationship and see where your own shortcomings were. What were your weaknesses in this relationship that lead you to the point that she needs space? This is the only way that you can dissect the relationship to see what you might have done wrong and how you can overcome this so you can support your partner now through positive actions and change.
Tip # 3– Become confident and happy. When someone is confident with themselves, it is magnetic to their partner, and attraction and desire intensify. Confidence is inner happiness. You cannot just pretend to be confident because it will disappear as time goes on. This is something that takes strength, time, and focus. Focus so you can be direct, open, and honest with yourself. You can overcome your inner obstacles and grow as a person for you and only you. A lot of men think, “How will she know I am more confident and how will she know I have changed?” That’s the key right there! The moment you stop caring about the attachment of what she will see, you are truly going to do this for yourself and put yourself first. As time goes on your partner will be able to sense a change within you. You can simply do with it through your actions, social media posts, and energy. You want to be respectful, but you also should show her that you’re confident and you’re happy no matter what – with her in your life and without her in your life! This is what a woman looks for in a man. We love a strong man that can hold his own at the end of the day.
I NEED SPACE AND GET HER BACK AUDIO SEMINAR HERE!
Tip # 4– Setting boundaries. Determine what is healthy and what is not healthy. When you explore the relationship as discussed in tip #2, are you being overly affectionate, or too available for her? Are you involved in everything to the point where she knows you will always pick her up and do all the work to put her back together when she falls? Well, she might continue to fall because she knows that you’re going to be there to pick her up. Though being supportive is a strong trait, you want to make sure this woman is not taking advantage of you. By setting boundaries and telling her you cannot continue to pick her up when she falls, you can help her own her responsibilities and create more balance. A woman typically takes you for granted if she is always asking for space, especially when you are too available. If this rings a bell, ask yourself these questions:
Are you always available for her?
Are you needy?
Do you want to spend every waking minute with her?
When a girl says she needs space…
Here is the bigger picture of this all. If a woman states that she needs space and you follow these tips, and she honestly does not want space, after all, you will find out. But also, you will be forming a foundation where this woman will not want to do this again as you were honoring space for her. Furthermore, if a woman is being emotional and is doing this for attention, this is your time to ask her to dig a little deeper into her insecurities and to figure it out and fix it because you cannot play these games with her. A lot of men think that if they do this when she said she needs space, they will not be supporting their girlfriend or wife. At the end of the day you can only take responsibility for yourself and when you implement boundaries in your relationship and do not tolerate the neglected behavior, you can build a healthy relationship. You both understand that you are accountable for your actions and cannot be used as a doormat and will not be passive.
If you were too involved in the relationship and she needed space to analyze whether this is something that she wants, that space is going to be critical in this relationship, there is a significant chance that she could be feeling claustrophobic. She may want to escape right now as she needs her time alone. Again, do not hang on to her, be depressed, act desperate or be afraid because in the end this is not attractive to a woman and will only pull her away even more.
There are only two things to do here. One, analyze where you can show up better, be positive and stay focused on yourself. Hang out with your friends because at this point you probably haven’t been hanging out with your friends as much. You might have lost track of your personal life as you both possibly spent every waking minute together. This will make her feel like she can breathe again.
She Needs Space: What Do I Do Moving Forward?
I get emails, comments on my YouTube videos, and remarks in my coaching session from men who have no idea what to do next when a woman they love has asked for space. The biggest advice that I can give you, and this is truly important, is to focus on YOU right now. So many people yearn for something outside of themselves, but you have all the answers within. I am not telling you to ignore your feelings for this woman and move on. What I am saying is that you got to this point because you lost something within yourself, in the relationship, and you need to get grounded in who you are and how you can be a better man in this relationship for yourself and for yourself only.
So many people think that they will lose their partner if they don’t call them all the time, text them all the time, or apologize all the time, but that is the complete opposite of what you should be doing. Relationships are about personal development and the more in tune and secure the partners are with themselves, the healthier the relationship becomes. Moving forward I am going to give you the top 3 things women do when they might be feeling overwhelmed in the relationship, so you become more aware of when to step back and give her space before she has to say it. But before we go into this, I think it’s important for me to state one thing…
There is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man understanding precisely what she wants and needs. You master this by observing your partner’s behaviors and picking up on universal energies that happen in a relationship. For example:
Grumpy or Cranky – This is when your partner is just snappy with you for no reason, and she is just not happy at the moment. Maybe you are watching TV, and she does not want to talk at that moment because she wants to zone out. Or she might have a lot on her mind, and you want to be affectionate with her and are avoiding the fact that she is not happy right now or even satisfied with herself at that very moment. These are all valid emotions; it’s about what you do with this moving forward. Maybe go to the room and read a book and wait for her to come to you. Then she might even ask, “Why are you in here” and you can respond, “I noticed you were having a moment and I thought giving you some time to yourself was best for the both of us” with a warm smile.
She Does Not Listen to Your Stories – She might give you the “Uh-huh” and not engage in conversation with you. You can tell when someone is not open to having a conversation with you. They’re not participating in discussions and asking you questions. They seem uninterested.
Not Sexually Pleasing – They may not want to sexually please you or give you anything more than what they like to receive. This is something to pay attention to as the relationship progresses.
She’s Always out with Her Girlfriends – She might not enjoy her time with you as much and might always prefer to spend time with her girlfriends. We girls love our girl time. Don’t misinterpret that, but when she spends more time with her friends and less time with you, then this is something to be aware of. She might be needing some time away from you.
Does Not Care for Your Compliments – You might be giving them to her way too much. A woman never gets sick of compliments unless she is sick of you. If you compliment her and she says thank you with no emotion behind it or just smiles and never really takes anything from it, then it’s time that you stop giving her these compliments until she begins to appreciate them. Because the more you do something, the more it can start to feel like a routine instead of something meaningful.
So, enjoy a couple of days of solitude. Catch up on sports, PlayStation and whatever else you want to do. Now is the time to let go, sit back and discover the man that you can be so you can show up differently as time goes on.
Are you confused about what you should do? Do you need guidance to get her wanting you again and attracting her back into your life? Do you want results now? Then it’s time to book a coaching session with me so I can help get you there. Click Here.
Apollonia Ponti
Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills, and helps rebuild relationships. I would advise getting this program to take it a step further click here.
You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple of other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.
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I have a woman I love that broke up with me 15 mo. ago. She hasn’t gone more than 2 weeks since without contacting me, usually just a few days. We recently spent six fantastic weeks as friends with benefits. Now she’s wants no benefits, but still initiates contact a couple of times a week. I keep it short and sweet. There is also about a half dozen other men interested in her. I love her like I’ve never loved anything and I’m 52 years old. Do I walk away or can I tell me how to make her mine again.
Hello John,
It seems as though there may be a possibility to make her yours again. I would have to understand the dynamics of the relationship in order to give you sound advice. Seems like there may be something missing that is keeping her from committing to you. What I would suggest is to figure out what made the both of you break up and start from there. Once you get to the root of the answer you can work your way around that. Typically a woman won’t commit because there is no spark, she doesn’t want to be in a relationship, or something in the relationship isn’t going smoothly it was difficult. Hope this helps!
Apollonia
Hey, I was dating this girl for about a year and 3 months and just last month she decided that we needed space. For the first week we were still flirting but over time she became more distant. We’ve hung out as friends a couple times and she said it just didn’t feel the same. So this last week I just haven’t talked to her at all and have been letting her have her space. Is it over for us? Is there a chance I can fix this? I love her more than anyone I’ve ever been with.
Hi Ashton!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog When She Says She Needs Space, Here’s What to do!
I actually have an entire program on this subject, it’s Called She Needs Space, you can check it out here: https://www.apolloniaponti.co/she-needs-space
If you are interested in 1 on 1 coaching, just head to this link: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
We look forward to working with you Ashton!
Best,
Apollonia & Team
she needs space at 50 is ALWAYS the same meaning as it’s not u its me. ask a truly honest woman if they come back. the answer has always back I was looking for greener grass. 30 years after 2 divorces those two left that way now 30 years of space they found there partying guy has no retirement money or cars or food and both call regularly. soon as 1 says space I’m out for good if we can’t stay in a home and talk about the issue I can’t mind read. I don’t want to be there nor am I sticking around while she tries out a few partners. I’ve had probably 10 use that all were Sam some gave space some I tried slowly always was looking for greener grass. and all the women that say if I don’t tell u it’s not lying. so I say heard u had a 4 way sleepover with 4 guys I know did u enjoy the sex. they argue vehemently they didn’t in the end it’s semantics I didn’t sleep there I cam home after work. when a woman plays one semantic game or one lie I’m out. if ull lie about dumb things Noone cares about or going out with a male friend and I trusted u before until u forgot on the 3rd to mention he was going I’m done small lies hide big ones I’d rather be single and hang with my kids
GF of over one year (serious, committed relationship) said this past Sunday that she needed space/wanted to take a break for a week and that we would talk next weekend. I admit that I had been acting overbearing/needy/clingy the previous week. She was really mad that I wasn’t listening to her. It’s now Thursday, and I have not heard from her. I have not called/texted/emailed. Do I just wait for the weekend? Will it be bad for me if I reach out to her on Sunday if I haven’t heard from her?
Ryan,
If the both you have taken time apart because you were too clingy or needy then I believe it’s best if you let her reach out only. Do not reach out to her. During this time find some things that will bring you happiness, keep busy, and work on the reasons why you may be overbearing. This is going to be vital if you want to get her back. You have to show up differently. Working on you and not being clingy will be the first step. Hope this helps! 🙂
Apollonia
Hey Apollonia, I have a question could use your insight and your viewpoint on a situation im currently dealing with. If you get the chance I’d like to inform you of it. Hope to hear back.
Hi Torey,
Thanks for writing to us.
Email our team at team@apolloniaponti.com if you have any questions or there is anything we can do to help please let us know.
Best,
Hi my name is August I’m a health care professional and work long hours I have a GF of almost 2 years and she’s always nagging me about my work schedule this weekend she got very upset because I was called in to work last minute on an emergency, now I was upfront with her about my profession and work load, I’m also divorced and have kids I regularly interact with and in fairness she has been flexible but she commented that I make her feel disposable and that I do whatever I want etc…., not the case I dedicate as much as my free time to her as humanly possible at times going with out sleep to accommodate now she has informed me that she needs space and I’ve given it to her she is also divorced and has some issues with me at times not being overly emotional I’m confused HELP!!!? Or should I move on ? she’s awesome a great girl.
hi August,
I would love to help you with this. Due to my extremely limited time, I hope you can book a coaching call with me so we can go over this and figure out the steps you need to take next!
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
She asked for space and Ive given it to her for more than a week. Went out with friends, had fun, and showes I am capable of living alone – just as you advised here.
My question is, would it be a good idea to send her a bouquet of flowers with a message and maybe including a gift such as an inclusive day by the pool for her and a friend of hers?
Thanks
She wanted space and I’ve given it to her. Did not talk for more than a week. Went out with friends, had fun and showed I am capable of living alone – just as you advised here.
My question is, would it be a good idea to send her a bouquet of flowers with a message and maybe include an all inclusive day by the pool for her and a friend of hers?
Thanks
Timothy
Hi Timothy. Can you give me the short answer of why she asked for space? I am going to give you a couple examples since I don’t know the reason to try and help here as much as possible. So I would say “no” to the following reason. 1. If she felt that you were suffocating her. 2. She is going through something and felt as though you were making it harder for her. Also, let some time pass before you send her flowers. If it’s been recent since the “space” thing then I would allow yourself to wait a couple weeks and continue to focus on you. 🙂 Does this help?
Apollonia
I have girlfriend, but currently we are now in a break. We nearly 3 years to together. In the second year, i was too busy with myself and now i know that in that second year i was less care to her, i didnt treat her right or more careless. And theres a time that we did long distance relationship for almost 1 month. In that month a lot of things happened, she said that she has a problem, but she didnt want to give me a single clue what is it, so we came to the arguments, i am mad to her because we are in long distance relationship and she want to tell the story directly later. I realized that i was so selfish. But i want to know just give me a clue so i know what i need to worry. After that things got really bad and bad, our communication is bad. And finally we met, and she want space, she talked a lot about my mistake at all once. Also she said she felt alone because of my behavior. She said she still love me but she kinda dont know what she need to do right know. What i need to do? Please help me
My name is Godwin and my girl friend loves me so much until I confessed that I had cheated on her and I have a baby with someone else. She seemed upset as she claimed her parents may not want us to be together. She recently requested for space and I granted her. Pls what can I do and what will be the outcome.
I’ve been seeing this girl for the past 5 months, though the first two months were a lot of ups and downs, but we’ve made a lot of progress. She asked for space the first time a month ago but I knew she was mad at me about something, so I gave her space. During that time, she would text me every 2 days or so to check in with me (and shes also an insecure person so it felt like she was making sure I was still around). Now the past month, we’ve been seeing each other alot, and things were progressing even more. Two weeks ago, she told me on the phone that she had this feeling of wanting to disappear and withdraw, and I told her that that’s fine and that I’d be waiting for her to come back when she’s ready. We ended up going out to drink 3 days later and she told me she wasn’t happy and cried a little bit. I learned work was bothering her and there were other things too. I ended up deciding to give her space, but I made the mistake of going to her place a few days later, and we became frustrated with one another as she wouldn’t tell me what the other things are that were bothering her in her life. I drove home that night and she still sent me a text telling me to be careful driving and to get home safe (which made me feel like, although frustrated, she still cares). Its been a week now since that text and she’s been posting things on her Instagram story , which she’s never done the past 5 months so it really feels like shes been posting them for me to see that she’s fine (i.e. her going out with her friends) (And the first time she needed space, I went on vacation for a week and we have a specific chat to keep in touch and she purposely uploaded things on there for me to see, which she also never did either).
I’m still trying my best to not contact her but its getting really hard for me to not contact her. It really feels like she’s been using Instagram stories and looking at my stories to make sure we’re both okay, a small way of checking up on each other. I’ve also decided to stop posting on Instagram as well to fully “not contact” her. Am I doing the right thing, or am I being too optimistic?
Hi Russel,
Thanks for your comment! 100% you are doing the right thing. I always tell people I know no contact can be difficult but you have to remember the end result is what is the best prize. Also, no contact is meant for you, not just your ex. No contact is meant for you to change and look into the things that you brought into this relationship that made the both of you have troubles. A lot of people think no contact is just not to talk but the bigger picture out of all this is personal development. Try new things at the moment and challenge yourself to learn from the things you have been going through. If you have, great! Do it some more. Remember you are not anyone pedestal. You are your own pedestal so you deserve to be admired and treated well as well. After no contact is time to showcase your change and you want to make sure you make the necessary changes and also continue to put yourself first because no one deserves to be someones last option on an option they know that will be around until they make the choice. Gaining control back will be big for you. Does this help? 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
I have a 5 year friends with benefits long distance relationship with a divorced mother of two children. At first we didn’t bring in her family into the story, even bought a little house together (paid by both) to meet up weekends. She never hid the fact that she never wanted a serious relationship, and that she loves me, but is not in love.
Over the years we started bringing family in, which brought out problems like ex husband’s jealousy and family asking awkward questions about us…
I confess that I have always wanted more. And she knows it.
About a month ago she asked me for space…though we keep making plans and she keeps calling and texting.
I’ve kind of lost my head, become needy, jealous.
We have a month in front of us where we can’t meet up because of my work and her kid’s holidays.
We have a 10 day trip together (just the two of us) planned for August.
How do I handle all this space thing?
Thanks so much for reply Apollonia.
The house was sort of a getaway place/investment/spur of the moment thing.
I DO want to turn things around. I know I could get hurt badly, but after 5 years… wouldn’t I be a coward?
Basically nothing has changed in 5 years, we have fun, hook up… but after bringing in the kids too much, those two weeks a month we didn’t see each other, became seeing us weekly and also (my fault, I know) me making her my priority. They came the space call…
And my sudden neediness.
Is this savable?
Lj,
I would suggest a coaching session so I can get more details and really help you get answers to the relationship and help you turn things around. I believe you need to change your approach 100% especially if she has been around for 5 years it just might be. In order for me to give you the right guidance, I would have to speak to you through a coaching session. I suggest you book one with me so we can get things going. Here is the link if you would like to take the next step. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
Hey, I’ve been in a relationship with this girl for 2yrs now she said she needed time time apart to work on yourself course she feels she like she has lost herself in our relationship and she can’t be alone anymore without me she doesn’t wanna feel like she can’t live without me, she said she doesn’t want a relationship and suggested i should move on what should I do course I still love her and I want to be with her is there any chances of us being together?
Hey John!
Thank you so much for reading When She Says She Needs Space, here’s what to do!
My team and I provide one on one coaching so we can give you individual guidance on your situation.
Just head to: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/products/
We appreciate your support and look forward to working with you!
Best,
Team Apollonia
Hello LJ,
What I would suggest is give her the space needed and let her initiate everything with you. You have already done the needy jealous part which will push her away and in order to not push her away any more then I would suggest for you to not contact her unless she contacts you. Also, during this time do things and get out there. Play some sports, or hang out with friends, involve yourself in something so she sees that you are not waiting on her watch. Also, you mentioned you bought a house together and you may want something more. Where is this relationship going? Is it still a friends with benefits? As time goes on and it stays like this you might get hurt unless you can turn this around into a relationship. Unless this is what you truly want?
Best,
Apollonia
I have been with my fiancé 6 years, 3 years engaged. She recently 3 days ago said she needs space. She loves me she has said it multiple days so far but she said she needs to find herself needless to say she is 39, 40 in 3 weeks. Has been going through menopause for a year now, and I was worried a midlife crisis may come on and this happens. So I have lost 14 pounds in 1 week. Work out 2 times a day. Haven’t eaten I’ve tried I just can’t stomach anything at the moment. I’ve had a few great relationships but this has been the greatest. She loves me. I love her. I’m going to give her space but I’m asking you is it over?
Hello Joe,
I definitely don’t think this is the end. I do think that you losing control of who you are by not eating and also being too needy towards her isn’t healthy but can ruin or slow down the process of getting back together. Typically when a woman says she needs space she feels suffocated in some way. Great job on focusing and working out etc. If you would like more guidance please feel free to reach out to me so I can help you towards your desired goal. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
I have been with my gf for 9 years now and we have 2 kids together, 6 and 3. She recently told me that everything I did agitated her. Then went on to say that was wrong and she just needed time to think. So I finally agreed to let her leave the house and go to her moms for three days so that she could think. She came back and told me that she still doesn’t think getting back together would be good, and said she came home because she doesn’t really have anywhere else to go and because she doesn’t want any bad blood between us. She wants to still be great around each other other. So at the moment she is leaving with me. We sleep on the same bed and still do everything the same. The only difference is we no longer kiss, hug, or have sex. What do I do and most importantly what does she really want during this time?
I swear to God I’m going through an almost identical experience that you are Christian!!
Hello Michael, thank you for reading “How to Manifest Love In Your Life!”. Loving the positivity!
Hello my name is Chad I. I could use some help with a important matter.. involving my relationship , and honestly don’t know what to do .. please get back to me … Chad
Hello Chad,
Thank you for your comment. I am more than happy to help. Please reach out to me here to schedule a private coaching session https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ if you have any questions please feel free to comment back.
Best,
Apollonia
Hey Apollonia!
I’ve been dating this girl for almost 3 months now and we’re already exclusive but not quite bf and gf yet. We haven’t had sex yet because she’s making me wait because she’s been used sexually before so she’s cautious. I sent her a dick pic 2 weeks ago (after she asked) and she saw it in the am and said wow good morning to you too. I asked if she like it and she said yea but it’s not like I’ve never seen a penis before so I was so confused because when she sends me stuff I always compliment her… she hasn’t been the same since. Little to no affection – she used to call me babe/baby/hunny constantly and not anymore… then on FaceTime a few days later I was trying to make sure our plans were still on for the next day and the rest of the week to which she said half jokingly idk I’m not sure I may be tired after work. And especially for Friday she said idk before I met you I used to come home on fridays and relax and now I can’t and I don’t want to always have to entertain you when I wanna relax. Fast forward to Friday – after work she told me she was going to Yonkers (she’s from Manhattan) and she usually goes to Yonkers to spend time with her girlfriends so I called her out and said you lied to me – what about not wanting to go out on Fridays anymore? She got very irritated and basically said FYI I’m going there to help my mom food shop and when did you ever tell sit and have a talk with me and say you wanted to get together officially? So who are you to question me like this? You question me so much and it’s like you’re my father! (I do question and assume a lot :/) Plus you spent the whole day working on your car so what do you mean? (Which was true). Then she basically said look you’re a good looking guy, I enjoy spending time with you, I appreciate your company, I really like you, but you need to step back and relax! So I let it rock for a few hours and then we said goodnight. We were texting the next day and she was SUPER dry and never even responded to my last text. That was 2 days ago. Yesterday morning I saw she had a story on instagram (around the time she didn’t text me back) at a candle lit restaurant with a drink across from some guy with a beard and tattoos and I know she likes both those things…. What is going on? I didn’t say anything or hit her up at all because I’m pretty sure it’s a test. She wouldn’t put something online that I can see if she was doing something like that andddd she wouldn’t give me the chance to call her a liar after Friday (she said she’s only talking to me and doesn’t even entertain any other guys and that she doesn’t even go out with guy friends alone anymore because she doesn’t think it’s appropriate and she’s not comfortable with it because she’s pretty and she knows how guys are) so what do I do Apollonia? I don’t wanna be “questioning” but I need to find out what this is especially because I’m planning on making it official soon!
I’m a woman and when i say i need space i really really mean it. The only way to turn this feeling around for me is to initiate the contact myself like our coach said. What I would add is women love when men don’t freak out when they hear the “space” word and instead be genuinely understanding and supporting. I’d assume women usually just have a week or two in mind most of the time. Best.
Hey, I need some advice, I started being being quite jealous, she was acting cold, I told her she needs a break, but she didn’t want it, then after two days she asked for the break, I asked her if she got back to her ex she said yes, then I insisted on breaking up but she was insisting on taking just a break and asked me if I will wait for her, she also said she loves me .. her ex is going to get back to another country, she will stay home, haven’t talked at all for 3 days now
Hello Netoiu,
I know right now is difficult and thanks for reaching out. I believe right now you should not be available if a woman is going to give her time to another man on your watch. The thing about this is setting the right boundaries at the beginning of the relationship so she understands the idea of respect. Continue to give her space and not tolerate her having both of you. Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend told me she wants space and I don’t know how to react to it or even what to expect and will she ever talk to me again??
Hey Brian,
Sorry to hear that. So we can help you properly I would recommend booking a coaching session so we could get more information on the issue. You can go here to connect with a coach https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
-Team Apollonia
we’ve got some sort of non-verbal communication, we both got the same youtube account, and she knows that when we were fighting, we were looking what was the other one listening to, she also said that when she will stop listening to a specific song, our song, she will not care about this relationship no more, all I needed was to see in the search history that song and that she was listening to it, I really want her back, it’s been almost a week.. I really love her
do you think she will ever reach out for me again ?
I do. Just keep focusing on you.
ok, yesterday she contacted me,it was shot and Itried to keep it that way, she just asked how I am, I told her I’m good, asked her the same thing, she said she is ok, and I said I’m happy for her
Hi Apollonia,
I have been with my girl for 2 1/2yrs. She’s 41 with 2 kids 7yr old and a 19yr old. I’m 34 with a 12yr old. When I first met her she was going to file for divorce with her now ex-husband. We fell in love during everything and became very attached to each other. We would see each other over the weekend sometimes difficult bc of exhusband not picking up son. We would see each At my house only. Hardly ever go out. She wanted things to be discreet. I was ok with it. Her ex-husband literally waited out the 2yrs where he had no choice but to sign. Fast forward Jan. ‘18 they are finally divorced. Same issues with the ex he didn’t pick up his son and In a way force her to stay home. We would argue about it. Things have became different a couple months after the divorce. We went from seeing each other all the time to here and there. I had a feeling after the divorce she would want some sort of freedom bc she was with him since college. And it has been a long time. She said she wants space. I respectfully honored her wishes 3 months ago. We then linked back up twice and after her realizing how much she forgot how I treated her (queen). She’s says she loves me. Then Just recently she said it again before her bday drop a bomb again and said she’s overwhelmed and needs space to work through it and needs some quite time to herself. Mind you I have been patiently waiting, understanding, supportive etc. My thing is that I do love her and she does love me. But I don’t want to lose her neither. She’s very successful in her career and travels the world. She has been there for me as well through tough times. We went through some stormy weather from the beginning which made me realize we can get through anything. What would I do? Idk if she wants to date now that she is finally divorce or take time and come back together.
Hello Aj,
Just from your comment, it might seem as though you are too available for her and emotionally dependent on her. I am not 100% sure but this is just a guess from your comment. Moving forward focus and involve yourself in an activity. It’s important she sees she’s not first place in your life. In order for me to help you a bit further, I encourage you to reach out here for a private coaching session. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
Great article!
I’m 37 shes 31, we met a year ago when she was here (we live in different countries), we had huge up and downs, during this time she went out with other guys as me with other girls, but we got in a point that we didn’t like that so we got official 2 month ago.
As long distance relationship, we meet for 2 weeks and spend 1 month away when she’s back her home. Text everyday, call once a week or so.
We spend quality time and our relationship got serious, now she’s considering move here with me or breakup with me. She wonder she will have to leave her life there, she an artist, she can draw here, but you know, sell the car, leave the house, been apart form her family etc.
Told her, she can take her time before deciding to move, even mentioned couple of years, but she want to decide now about her future. She always mentioned she wanted to live here even if when we just met and had no relationship, so she likes here.
Last time she was visiting me she felt smothering about my country, so she went back a week early. She told me she need space and I told her it’s ok, take her time to think about it and come back to me when she’s comfortable with her decision. After 2 days of no contact she texts me that she couldn’t sleep so she sent a voice message of her singing a Disney song (cute) and a good night message.
Wonder if I should text her back, or ignore it? we’re in her space time.
If I should text, what should text her? like have a great day?
Thanks,
Hello OG,
It sounds like there was nothing in this relationship that she did or you did to not contact her. It’s a big step for her to move to another country and she is trying to figure things out at this moment. I wouldn’t suggest ignoring her. I would suggest being more supportive at this time. She needs to see strength in you if she is going to move across the country to live with you. If you would like to book a private session please reach out to me so we can discuss this further and I can help.
Best,
Apollonia
Well, she told me she needs space, so she can think clearly, I talked her that I’ll support her etc, and gave all solutions for what she needs here. Anyway after she hearing all I can offer she decided to go back to her country to think. So I’m giving her space, and told her think very well, and contact me when you decided and you’re comfortable with your answer.
It has been a week since she left and we haven’t talked. I don’t wanna push her so I’m giving space and waiting for her answer. Guess there are phases she must go through to find the answer, and she will figure it out wouldn’t she? If I contact she would be too needy for my part?
Hello OG,
You’re correct. In this situation, she is going to need to change something and get what she needs from whatever it is that she is trying to figure out. The best thing you can do is focus on you and your well-being. Hope this helps and wishing you the best!
-Apollonia
Hi
I have recently been in a relationship with a girl only 2 months, it was going very well and we both were being quite full on with each other and spending a lot of time together. We even discussed going travelling together for a couple of months. Then two days ago my girlfriend met up with me and said she feels she needs space and some time alone as she feels smothered. She’s still been spending time with friends, going out with her friends etc and we have not had any argument at all.. she said she only broke up with her ex boyfriend a couple of weeks before first seeing me so needs time to figure herself out and Space to work on herself.. I am wondering what to do? I think it is best to not text or call or or anything and just wait to see if she initiates contact back with me? As I said it was weird because she was so in to me and vice versa so it was out of the blue.. thanks
Hello Iwan,
Yes, this is the best thing that you can do. You are right. She sounds like she is looking to have fun right now and might not want to settle down. I would not be too available for her moving forward. I would suggest keeping your distance and not being there for her as much as you use to. Hope this helps.
Best,
Apollonia
Can I know what happend afterwards? I living the same experience right now and it’s killing me. She needs space and it’s been a week now
I’m also curious did it work out after taking Appolnia’s advice or the relationships ended. Cos i’m going through the same thing and dont know what to do.
As I read your article. I gained an insight on how does “she needs space” in relationship. Because its happening to me right now. My gf suddenly broke up with me telling she wants to be alone, she wants to go back to herself and don’t want commitment. I really don’t want her to break up with me but she really wants to and we had an arguement about that. I said to her I will wait till she becomes ready again. So I wait, I don’t know how months it will take. Then after a week she broke up with me. She chat me telling take care from the heavy rain then I’m shocked because she suddenly chat me. Then I chat her like it was normal and I think got annoyed in me. During our conversation, because of the typhoon which was cold, she said that she slept with somebody but I know she would not do that actually. Then one day, as I chat her. She told me that I should stop chatting her and continued the story about the she slept with someone to become more realistic to me. Then she blocked me from the chat then after a while she unblock me. I’m relieved that she unblock me and said to myself that I won’t chat for because I don’t want to happen that again. Then after 3 days, she chat me again telling that I take care always and I replied also to her the same then she continued again the “she slept with someone” which progress that she might be pregnant but I know its not true but it really hurts me a lot. Then evening came, I chat her about why she is not yet sleeping she said she was thinking of something and with the “she slept with someone” again. So I need some advice about my situation and what should you think I do.
Erick,
This is toxic and my question to you is why continue to put yourself through this. Seems like a lot of immaturity in this relationship. I would suggest not talking to her for 30 days and she can figure things out on her own. She will come to an understanding that these games are immature. Once you do this you need to focus on you and bring positivity back into your life.
Best,
Apollonia
Me & my wife been married for 12yrs now. 2yrs ago she started dating a younger man & development strong feelings for him but he doesn’t want a relationship or a title. They’ve had sex several times but now she says she wants our marriage & she no longer has feelings for him anymore. She calls me just about everyday & we talk. She says she loves me & wants our marriage but wants to take it slow. I try to help her in anyway I can because I still love & in love with her but I don’t want to seem desperate or foolish. I want to continue our marriage & I feel more love for her now than ever before. How can I win her back again but also give her the time we both need to heal & increase the love so that this never happens again?
Hello Issac,
Thank you for your comment and I know right now can be incredibly confusing and difficult. I believe taking your time, having open communication, and understanding why this happened from her perspective and then sharing yours is a great way to begin. Now, in life, we have no control over the future but we do have control over our feelings. I strongly suggest for you to book a session here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ with me so we can really chat about the history and dynamics of your relationship so I can give you guidance and exact advice. I have helped many couples overcome fidelity so you are in the right spot. If you feel called to work with me I encourage you to reach out. Also, I believe this blog may help. I know it says husband but just take the husband and replace it with “wife” this could give you guidance as well. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-get-my-husband-to-notice-me-4-important-tips/
Best,
Apollonia
together 8 months, last week she requested a month break. I tried to play it cool without texting her for the time being. She told me that she needed the space to sort her doubts and feelings out. She have always been in doubt in this relationship, doubt about is she contended, is she happy with me, is this what she really want. I want to work it out with her, but I am unsure how as nothing seen to be right. We are studying in the same school, same module, same course, it’s just hard to play it cool 24/7. Giving her space is the only I can do, but should I walk away or wait for a reply patiently?
Hello Ashayne,
What I suggest is really looking into the relationship and seeing where the “lack” came from and changing this. This does not mean that you say its change and then its fixed it means you say nothing and show through actions. I invite you to reach out to me for a session as I would like to get more information about the relationship in order to give you exact advice and get her back. Here is the link https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Hope to speak with you soon.
Best,
Apollonia
Thank you for sharing this article and I’m benefiting from it. I’m still at a loss here and I’ll tell you everything. Me and my gf met back at the end of Jan. We were fresh out of relationship of. I was divorced from a 16yr marriage, she just came out of 4 yr relationship with her boyfriend in which was hard for her to accept. We had attempted intimacy 3x but she has anxiety/depression and I have ED from diabetes. Since then there is nointimacy. Yet, we live together love each other and she’s bonded with my 14 yr old daughter. Since the start of our relationship I bee overly affectionate. She took a month off from work on FMLA and leave of absence and went to see her mother 3x. She seems to still have tthe same feelings for me llove etc. I been providing alot for her and she helps with transportation. Would it help to talk to her and tell her about what I been doing saying etc.? Even if she says it’s not that. Because she didn’t say to me I need my space.
So last week me and my 6month relationship girlfriend had brunch with my sister, my sister spoke about about my ex, and how she had liked her so much but it hurt when she deceived me. I shushed my sister, after brunch me and my girlfriend went to the beach we had a good week, come Friday afternoon she told me wanted time for herself, and blocked me, I asked why but she seemed really bothered. Saturday I hear from her bestfriend shes been thinking about why I shushed my sister, if I was hiding something. From her. Sunday afternoon we go on a date, I told her I didn’t like to be reminded of the past and that’s why I shushed my sister. She told she loved me and to just give her time that she does want to be with me but I dont know how to feel about all this. I love her but I feel like she might not love me anymore eventhough she says she does.
Hi Smith,
From the little info in this comment, it seems to me like she may just need some time to process what happened and how she feels about it. In order for us to really be able to give you solid advice, I would recommend speaking to one of our amazing coaches about this and seeing what they say. Here’s the link to where you can do that. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Team Apollonia
together 8 months. Girlfriend for 4 months. Yesterday she said want to see me or speak to me. She needed space. I trying to play it cool without texting her for the time being but hurts. I love you her. She got out of 5 year relationship last October. We started seeing each other in November. She likes me and enjoys our time. She has been feeling she needed to take time to herself. is this what she really want she asking. I want to work it out with her, but I am unsure how as nothing seen to be going right. She put effort than suddenly backed off. She always says I’m so good to her and always thinks of her. it’s just hard to play it cool 24/7. Giving her space is the only I can do, but should I walk away or wait for a reply patiently?
Hello Jeffrey,
It depends on the relationship dynamic. If she is trying to still get over her past relationship then space is very important so she can heal and figure things out. I would have to know more details about the relationship through a coaching session to give you exact advice. But I do believe space will be good for the both of you. Please reach out to me if you want more guidance I am here to help!
Best,
Apollonia
Thank you for this article. It kinda gave me a sense of direction in terms of giving her space when she acts for it. I always felt like space was a way to say, “I want to lessen the blow of the breakup”. My gf is 45years old. I’m 36. We’ve been together a little over a year. She says she see everything she needs within me but she is clouded by the fact that I have a smaller child that is 2 yrs old. She don’t have any of her own. But her and her ex raised one together. That child is now grown. So my gf is struggling with the thought of raising another child who is not hers, with someone and the fact that she and our relationship is “bound” because we can’t just pack up and go when We want. We argue all the time. She makes me feel bad about being a mom. Saying what was I thinking to have another child. I don’t know what she wants me to do. It seems it’s hard for either one to just leave. But this is a big issue. Could you please help?
Good day,have been in a relationship for 6years with my girlfriend,we have been both happy and have even taken her to see my parents which she didn’t complain about, this is the lady I really want to marry, suddenly ,I called to know how she was but she wasn’t picking my calls and even ignore my messages I do sent to her,I was worried so I decided to meet her up to ask the reason she wasn’t picking and not responding to my messages, all she said was she was busy and that I should give her space.i was so confused because we never had quarry at all,I do call her all d time and also we do see almost all d time,I don’t know what to do since she said I should give her space.there are so many thing running in my mind rite now.pls what should I do.
Hello John,
I would need more details and I know I can help you get to the bottom of all this. Once we go over the details as of the relationship I will be able to give you a step by step process on what to do next. Please book a session here. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ I will email you right away to set up a time a day.
Best,
Apollonia
Hello. Thank you for the advice. Here’s my situation: I actually suffered from depression, and during that time my girlfriend of 4 years was working one city away from where I am. I think she was overwhelmed with the weight and responsibilities of being together with someone with depression she asked for space. I have reflected on that now and I’ve been going to psychiatric therapy. But I’m still scared that maybe she doesn’t want this relationship anymore and is just asking for a space to slowly wean out the relationship. What do you think? Thank you for your answer (:
Hello Francis,
Thank you for your comment and I am sorry that you’re going through this as I know it can be difficult. I wouldn’t be able to give you an answer to your questions because, in order to help, I’m going to need a lot more info. I invite you to schedule a session with me here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ and we’ll chat ASAP. I’m excited to chat with you and get you results!
Best,
Apollonia
Hey how’s it going do my issue is the girl I been dating for 2 months we went through a small rough patch She asked for space last Wednesday and I gave it to her did the no contact rule I even reflected on my self on what I did wrong which was I was a little pushy and persistent with certain things. She said I might of not been on the same page cause I was moving fast which I understand I got excited ans caught up in the moments with her …She messaged me on Friday saying hey I am going to Montauk won’t be on my phone a lot so can we set something up for Monday when you are free ? I said sure and have a good weekend that’s it .. .and now Monday morning at 12am she shot me a text saying hey can we meet after I get out of work I’ll come by your house since It’s on my way home ….I said sure thing and also hope you had a good weekend she replied I did thanks! Now what am I walking my self into come Monday night ? How should I handle my self because I want to work with her through this little issue do you think this is going to be good or bad ?
Hello Salvatore,
I really believe you will highly benefit from a coaching session before you meet with her. I will give you direct feedback on what to do moving forward. I do believe that you have to be relaxed and show her that you are ok with a separation and working on things. You want to show less attachment as you were too pushy previously. This takes work and I do believe you can do it but you have to be very strategic about how you go about this. Please feel free to book a session with me today and I will try and fit you in since you will be meeting her tonight. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Also, please feel free to email me if you have any questions. My email you can find on the coaching page.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia
I have been with my gf for 2 years. Never really had any problems. In the last few months I have had some struggles with my health and other personal things that has created some depression. I admit I have been down in my spirits a lot and become negative and it has affected her. She said she isn’t happy with the way I am as it affects her and worried about me all the time on top of being stressed with her new job. She said I am not asking you to be out of my life but need some time as she is unhappy and doesn’t know what to do. I asked if she wants to break up and she said don’t put words in my mouth, I just asking for time and I do care about you. I have respected her and not contacted her for a week so far. I did send her a genuine brief apology the day after she asked for the break that I have been self absorbed with my struggles and owe her an apology for my taking us for granted during my struggles. I felt that was respectful to say and have left her alone since. I have been slowly working on changing my attitude with my struggles and am starting to incorporate some positive behaviors. I would like her to know, but I also respect her wanting the time. Can I eventually reach out to her with a brief positive text encouraging her with her new job and also make any brief mention that I am working on me? Something that directs away from the negative she was seeing and focuses on a positive. I feel badly that I have affected her and want to see her feeling less stressed and happy. Thanks!
Hello TJ,
Thanks for your comment. I think right now is the time to focus on you 110%. If you want this relationship back it’s going to be up to your progression. Meaning working on being more positive and happier. This is the only way that you will be able to attract her back into your life. Also, you cannot change overnight and actions speak louder than words so proving to her that you are changing by just telling her can cause more harm than anything else. Focus on you and taking this time apart. This is a powerful part of your relationship. Some people fail and some people can come up on top. The way you come up on top is to focus on you only. She will come back.
If you need a private coaching session please feel free to reach out to me and I can work with you to help you further along.
Thanks,
Apollonia
Thanks for your reply! What you said makes a lot of sense and I appreciate it! My only question is how will she see any positive changes with me going forward, if we are not corresponding during this time of her needing a break? Thanks again.
She will see it when you showcase change. The moment the both of you talk or see eachother again. A lot of people fail because they focus on no contact and not change. So, in order for her to see this, there must be change. She will see it as your energy and actions will be different. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
You were correct! We did run into one another after 10 days of no contact. She appeared very happy to see me and said I looked great. We talked for about 30 mins and she said you seem happier. Then she asked if I wanted to have dinner later. Since we have been texting each day but not quite as much as before her needed break. She shows caution in that she might hesitate on getting together one day but not another. I would presume she is taking it very careful and slow to see how she feels being back with me after all that time of her dealing with my depression and not wanting to be in that again? I asked if she wants to see any one else or started talking to someone during out break and she said no. I get nervous (probably just some insecurity) that she might be talking to a new man, but I can say she has always been very upstanding, trustworthy and honest with me from day one and something I value about her. I presume its just natural for her to be moving cautiously and slowly right now? She said this break has been good for her so far but she is happy we are talking again. I just hope I am not being kept on the side as a stable security while she looks to see if there might be another.
Great advice thanks for all your replies.
Thank you!
What happens if she doesnt contact you and you still have strong feelings for her? Ive been with my girl for 1 year and 2 months and weve had a tough run together. But we have talked about getting married and having kids. We were living together also and then moved out because she wants space. She said she wants space but then I find out she is talking to someone a few days later. I hope we work out because ive reflected on myself and am enjoying myself but strongly want her back. Its only been 1 week but how do I come up about this while wanting to be with her for the rest of my life but honoring the space?
How long should the space be ? Min has exceeded a month now…she said she will let me know when her mind clears…
Hello Davis,
I would wait for at least 30 days. Honor her space.
Best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend said she needed space after I had a bit too drink and asked if she saw us getting married. My biggest regret was not focusing on myself during some of the relationship or staying busy so we were constantly texting and I was too available making her lose attraction for me. I was wondering if this is a good plan:
1. Giving her the space she needs so she has a chance to miss me.
2. Focusing on myself during this week and a half so I may become a more confident version of myself.
3. When we do come back to talk, focusing on what we have now instead of future plans of marriage.
4. Give and take more space in the relationship
Hi Chris,
Thank you for your comment. Yes, I think this is a great game plan. Focusing on you and showcasing your change instead of voicing it will be the dynamic shift you are looking for in the relationship. Best of luck. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend and I broke up last night Sept. 19
We’ve been together for 4yrs.
I proposed to her to get married last June 2017, we actually plan to get married by 2019 atleast
But last night, she said that she’s not sure anymore, and that she needs some space.
I tried to talked it over,
and tried to change her mind, but still not effective.
Honestly, we’ve been through a lot, last night she said that
1. I became distant?
2. I’m not sweet anymore
3. She’s not happy with me anymore
We had fights, and the fights got messier and harder everytime.
but still we managed to survive it until now.
Maybe because of my temper?
i dont know..
I’m really devastated, i love her very much…
I like to know how can i win her back?
i don’t know where to start and what to do.
I’m really depressed and paranoid at the same time.
Sincerely,
Jeremy
Hello Jeremy,
I am sorry this is happening to you. I believe I can really add value to your relationship and help you out right now. You can find my coaching session links here and also please get some advice from my YouTube channel as this will help. In order for me to give you exact advice, I will need to have a conversation with you to understand the relationship. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Hope to hear from you soon.
Best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend and I have been together for quite a while now and have hit a rough spot. She’s told me she needs space, which I’ve been pretty awful at giving her that… until now. Now it’s not really anything to do with our relationship but rather her personal life, she has quite a bit going on and is clearly quite stressed. She’s been rather “cold” and “distant” with me recently and it’s hard because we’ve never been like that before.
I always worry about things I shouldn’t. But I’m also sure she’s talking to other guys (and girls obviously) and to be honest, I’m sure one of them, sexually. I can’t bring this up with her, for obvious reasons. But I also know she wouldn’t cheat on me or anything, the same how I would not do that to her (she’s been cheated on by her previous BFs).
I’m stuck with what to do, it’s hard not to talk to her all the time as the change was almost over night. But I don’t want to lose the relationship as we have a lot planned over the next year or so
Hi Apollonia,
Thank you for the advice, I do try to keep my self occupied, we haven’t had a call in over a month! It is LDR which adds more stress, of course. We will be close soon so I’m hoping to see her ASAP.
Any advice? I find it difficult to not message at all, which I guess is also a problem. I’m afraid of us pushing each other away. What do?
Hello David,
Now is your time to showcase strength instead of an attachment. Even though it’s difficult you can push her away by being attached as this is added stress. Focus on you right now and be around people that lift you up so you can be occupied and continue to be busy. Once you do this you will see her start to come around slowly. Please feel free to reach out to me if you need more help during this time.
Best,
Apollonia
Hello Apollonia,
My wife and I have been married for about 3 years. We are from different countries. We moved to her home country around 2 years ago because of her job. Now we are living in a small city, where for the last year I have felt really isolated, it is hard to get some friends because of language/culture barriers, I also have had many issues on my job, so in general many things are not going right… Recently we got to a really bad point on the relation. Part of that is my own fault. Or at least it is a reaction of all the issues I’ve been having in this new place. I would like to relocate to a new place with her, where we both could have a more balanced life. But she cannot leave her job now, it is really important for her.
She asked me she wants space, and probably she will stay with her parents for a few weeks. I am trying to get another and possibly better job in another bigger city close by. Even if I dont really want to do it, I have got to the point where it might be the only solution to our relation…
I love her. But my life is going into a really confusing stage. She cannot move to another place because of her job. And I am just screwing things up with my own life and the relation.
What do you think? If I get a better job somewhere else is the right move? Thanks in advance.
Hello Andres,
Thank you for your comment. I do think that it can help when you get a job. The main focus here is to work on your personal development. You aren’t feeling good about yourself right now and it’s important that you get back to the Andres that she fell in love with. Take this time to focus on you and put you first (whatever that is) if it’s the job then do it. You can possibly save the relationship by focusing on getting back to a healthy mindset.
Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
GF of about a year ask me for space because I wasn’t showing her the 100% she was showing me. During that space she texted me and called me regularly as if the space was never requested but day by day she started to get more distant still texting me but not letting me see her to show her I’ve changed. One day i sent her flowers and she requested that she needed space with out talking to sort her feelings if we would ever have a chance in the future. Have i lost her for good?
Kelvin,
I don’t know. I would need more information. Please contact me with a session here. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia
Thanks for the information on this site.
I have been with my lady coming up on 2 years. Both of us are going through some personal challenges, me more so which has taken a toll on her. She asked for some space and said she still has feelings but is not happy right now. I respectfully gave her that space with no contact. During the next couple weeks I was working on better myself and overall attitude. We ran into one another after 2 weeks and she was really happy to see me and reached out to hug me. We talked for awhile and she said text me later tonight. After about an hour of seeing each other, she sent me a text asking if I wanted to have dinner. We did! Starting the next day she went back to her old ways while we were together of texting good morning and throughout the day. That slowed down after a couple days. For the last 2 weeks since we made new contact, we do talk daily, but there are some days she is distant and others more friendly. We have seen one another 5 times during the last 2 weeks and over this past weekend, she said I have noticed some positive changes in you like the person you use to be and its great to see again. I thanked her and said can we be candid and said what do you want to do. We are talking again and spending some time but its not the same. She said she misses me but is enjoying spending time with a couple of her female friends and does not want to see me all the time. I asked if she had any interest in meeting any one new or was talking to someone. She said no and that if she did she would be honest. We had a very close relationship for 2 years and she has never given a reason to not believe her. For some reason I feel insecure some times questioning it because she has days she is more matter of fact or distant. Like today, I had an interview that she knew about, and didn’t say anything before hand and still hasn’t asked how it went. Last week I had one with the same company and she was completely opposite and sent me a positive encouragement when she woke, text me before it and asked me later how it was. I have been trying to keep everything positive and encourage her with her work struggles which in her own way appreciates it, but I am not clear what is happening. I don’t know if I should text less and see if she takes more initiative again like she did when we re-connected 2 weeks ago. A female friend of mine said could be she is taking it slowly and some days is going to be more distant until she is ready to go 100% again. On a side note, she is very close with her mom and shares everything and her mom, who I am friends with as I have gotten close to her family, still texts me as if her daughter hasn’t said anything negative about us. I don’t like this uncertainty and while I believe and trust her as mentioned earlier (never given me a reason to not) I get concerned she might be talking to someone and afraid to tell me, but my female friend who kind of knows her said I highly doubt that as she would be honest and is just guarding herself right now. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Hello Dylan,
It seems that she still has strong feelings for you but is unsure about things. You might have to not engage too much with her so she can see that she can lose you. Because this is such sensitive information I don’t want to give you wrong advice. I would encourage you to book a session with me so I can give you an action plan to follow moving forward. I believe focusing on what makes you thrive, doing new things, getting involved in something that makes you happy and takes some of your time will help her define how she feels about you. There is nothing more attractive than a man having ambition. Hope this helps and hope to hear from you soon!
Best,
Apollonia
We met on a dating site it was our last effort on this site the last kick at the can if you may say we spent 16 weeks of enjoyment her not working and I as well not working ,, I met a beautiful goddess she is everything that I’ve ever wanted in a woman we are both older and have been around the block and we know want,, and is a very exciting and knowledgable about the same things,, she has been abandoned many times from other men and I am the one that won’t abandon her because she knows how I feel about her she just wants me to fix the things that she doesn’t like about me ,, I must make these changes , in other words and I have been doing these things in a rapid rate and she has praised me on the progress , I treasured her and she’s the girl I have looked for all my life she has broken up with me several Times saying that I need to fix myself,, things take time she seems not to want to be around me while I fix myself ,,, and she needs her space since I have showered her with gifts concerts and a great summerluv ,,now fall is upon us and she still has found reason to stop seeing me and wants her space ,, I showed up at her work in the rain with supper,,that I made her fav ,, went back to her place ,, she said only 15 minutes and then I have to rest ,,brushed her hair, rubbed her neck and shoulders and calves ,, rub her feet and listen to her problems of course she did not like this in the end because I was not invited ,, it was a surprise she worked late Tuesday and starts early Wednesday so we only have a brief time to see each other but she says she needs her rest ,,the rest of the week I do not see her except on a Saturday and no sex has been happening for at least a month prior to that it was incredibly amazing and I must say I rocked her world and left her speechless ,, as well as I am speechless ,,so my question is, I will honour her space no contact with her,, although there is an event coming up in a month that I was supposed to go to and I was assured that I was to attend ,, !! Oh she says she needs to lose some weight and I said in your own time when you’re comfortable and you want to do it,, I am in good physical shape and she assures me im a handsome man and she is a goddess ,, we’ve never argued we have a great time together ,, once-in-a-lifetime two people meet ,,what do I do now,,
Hi Lenny,
It seems like you might be a little too affectionate with her right now. I understand that you care about her and you love her but it’s also important to put yourself first and not be at every waking call that she says to come you come. Right now, I believe not bringing this up and focusing more on you will be the key to getting her back. I encourage you to book a session so I can give you more accurate advice.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
My girlfriend and I have almost been together for a year, but last week said we need to step back in our relationship. She immediately stopped saying I love you and did not want to see me at all. I am trying my hardest to not annoy her or contact her much, but it is become increasingly difficult.
She was fine on Monday, but on tuesday morning she just sprung this on me. Out of nowhere. She said she’s felt this for a couple weeks but has just kept it in.
The rest of the week I was very paranoid as she would not promise me she wouldn’t go and hookup with other people. Today is Sunday and she went out with guys and girls both Saturday and Friday, and is not willing to tell me about her nights, which makes my anxiety about her potential relations with other men. We are currently on a break so we aren’t technically together, but I wouldn’t dare do that to her. She said a week or two but I just truly cannot live without her which makes everything harder. We work at the same place and will inevitably see each other regardless if we are together or not.
She is very hot and cold, saying she doesn’t want to see me, then I drop food off for her and she invited me inside and we talked about things and she told me she loved me.
Please help
Hello Patrick,
The best thing you can do for you and the relationship takes a step back. She has a lot of control over you and this is something you need to control. You want to be able to show her what you are willing and not willing to tolerate. I know this can be hard but a woman that loves you does not want to lose you break or no break. So if she is being disrespectful and going out and saying she isn’t going to tell you then this is when you should walk away and go radio silent for a while. Then tell her this is not something that you will tolerate and she can choose to respect the relationship or not. If she does not you won’t be around for it. As scary as that sounds you have to understand this will make the relationship shine and develop new boundaries or show it’s true colors. Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia
I am married for 2 years, it was an arranged marriage. Wife had moved to the country UK after marriage and her dream was to work in London. We were in a different city when she came in. Then she had got a job in London and she moved there for work. And we have been meeting over the weekends for the past one year. Everything was okay until July – mid August this year. I am in the process of changing jobs and move with my wife as per our plan. Since a month she has been saying she needs space for 3 months. I am not sure what to do. And she has found this group of friends who go out for parties and event everyday. A guy from this group keeps texting her continuously and invites for events and parties. As she is young 26 and in London now she loves going out she has been going out with this group often. Since when she met this group she has been asking for space from me.
It is a hard decision for me now as per our plan earlier I am suppose to move to London in a month or so. I am completely lost here, I don’t know what is in her mind.
Please help me with your thoughts.
Thanks
Vik
Hello Vik,
I know this is extremely difficult but it seems like she is finding her way and enjoying her time with these people and new life. I am not 100% sure that this guy is just a “friend”. It might be something a bit more. I know this is not what you want to hear but since she is 26 she is just finding things out about herself and it seems like the last thing that’s on her mind is a marriage. I would really focus on you and see if this is how you wanted to be treated by this woman. Take some time to not chat with her then have the conversation with her to see what is going on and then base your decision on if you would like to move to London or not and then if you would like to continue this arrange marriage or if you should move on. Arranged marriage or not. You deserve to have open communication and respect. Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
Good evening Apollonia,
I have recently reconnected with someone from 11years ago who we both discovered had strong mutual feelings for but never acted on. I moved away that long ago and we haven’t seen one another until a month ago. Things took off and the connection was amazing from the first minute we started chatting. We met up for a casual drink and found out how much we had in common and how like minded we are. We talked all about one another’s future ambitions which included whether or not as an individual we would want kids or not. We seemed to agree on everything, a match made in heaven. I even took a day off work to drive the 2hours back home to visit with her some more. At this time I ended up telling her about an event in my life that is going to be taken care of by the new year and that there isn’t anything serious to be worried about. I told her this to show how strongly I felt towards her and that I respected her enough that I didn’t want to hide anything from her should we begin a relationship. She has just recently gotten out of an 8 month relationship. Knowing all this she came to visit the following weekend.
It all seemed so surreal that this was happening, that we were working towards something great. We agreed to take things slow being that we were both coming out of relationships, and I feel I pushed to hard. Two weeks later she said she was “taking a step back”. I told her two days later “I realized things got to crowded and overwhelming. I agree it’s best that there be time and space to step back, I’m just checking in”. She responded saying thanks and asking what I’m checking in on, in turn I blew it off answering the next day saying “nothing in particular, just letting you know I agree with you and encourage thanking a step back”.
I honestly do not want to let this woman slip through my fingers a second time. We have 2.5hours of highway that separate us and my fear is that I have blown my only chance. I recognize that in the first few weeks I was way to over excited and was putting to much pressure on things. I know I need to calm down, but my only concern is I am unsure how to handle the future, let her call/text first (things she doesn’t really do) or in a few weeks time send her a casual message about something that “reminded me of her” and play it off as a chance to be curious about her and how she is doing?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated, Thanks.
Hello Ty,
I know right now is a difficult time but patience is going to be your best friend during this process. I would suggest that you focus on you and let her initiate contact with you moving forward. Invest your time into things that keep you busy and let her have her space right now so she can figure out what it is she wants. This could take weeks or months but the best thing you can do in regards for attraction and for yourself is let her initiate contact since she was not to reciprocating before. Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
Hello, I have a fiancé that has asked for space. We have been together for almost three years and live in the same house. She has given the ring back and said we need to work back to this. She wants space and time and is deciding if she wants to be in the relationship with me. She feels I’m too controlling and smothering her yet she makes sure that I know she has options with a “sugar daddy”. What do I do?
Thanks
Hello Dustin,
Seem’s quite disrespectful for her to say she has options with a “sugar daddy” seems to me she has a lot of control of this relationship. I would have to get more information on your current situation in order to give you exact advice. What I would recommend is that you do give her space but also focus on the ways your not being respected. To book a coaching session visit the top of this page and click (private coaching).
Best,
Apollonia
I had been with my girlfriend for 3.5 years. Things were going great and she proposed to me but I wasn’t ready yet and I said yes. I did promise her one day she would be my wife and as time went on I was failing to recognize her signs of our relationship failing. She suggested that I read the 5 love languages to get a better understanding why her tank was empty and I thought it was dumb so I didn’t do it. We knew our relationship needed work and she took on a job out of state and I finally agreed I would move down there because I didn’t want to lose her. She stated that when I come down we needed to go to relationship counseling and I agreed to it. 2 weeks ago she tells me that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore and wanted to go on terms of writing letters only to see if she was going to miss me…she said she still had the same feelings and needed time for herself to be happy again. I have done all I can do as of now to show her that I do appreciate her and how sorry I was that I let our relationship slide when I was the one at fault because I let drinking get in the way and I am doing everything I can ( quiting drinking, read the book and seeing a relationship counselor ). The worst is here, I have accepted that there’s a good chance she will never call me again but I had plans to move to her city anyway ( while keeping distance ) because if there’s a chance, I wanted to be there. She means everything to me but I dont know what my next step is or what it should be…..do you think there’s still a chance in the future?
Hello Chris,
I can’t tell you if there is another chance as I cannot predict the future. 🙂 But what I can say is that if you continue to take the steps to improve yourself and be happy with the unknown will help you with this process overall. I know it’s hard but I believe stepping back and giving her space to figure things out will help her and you. If she comes back just showcase your change with actions instead of words. Hope this helps.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
This is a less serious relationship question as I’ve only been seeing this girl for almost 3 months. In this three months though, we’ve really connected and have gone on countless dates and two short weekend trips together. We recently went on a quick trip together and I noticed she started to get a bit snippy with me and could tell she was easily irritated. After the trip I could tell she wasn’t thrilled about being around me at that moment. Picking up on this the following day or so I asked her if we were “Ok and if she was withdrawing” and she stated “Yes, I am withdrawing, I’ve also been busy. However, I need some space. I feel like I’ve been spending too much of my free time with you, and I just need some space right now. Nothing against you.” I asked her to clarify what exactly she meant by “space” and she explained that to not see each other as much. She needs time to miss me. She stated she needed time to refocus. She felt shes been checking out and getting annoyed with me and she thinks its from a mental disconnect because of how often we see each other. I agreed with her that we have been spending a bit too much time together too soon and agreed we should back off on how much time we spend together.
From all of this she’s reached out to me once about a second job she got – I congratulated her and left it at that. I’m going to continue to give her space and not text her or call her and let her engage with me if she wants. As much as we were connected everyday, are these the right things I should be doing? I have very strong feelings for her and invested so much in getting to know her and felt we were getting super close until this.
Thanks!
David
Hello David,
Thanks for your comment! Yes, you’re doing the right thing. Let her initiate things with you moving forward. She has to miss you and she gave you the answer. Also, start to do things that will keep you busy during this time. Hope this helps.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi there, I enjoyed the article that you wrote. Gave me some ideas to try. I have been together with my gf for about 6 months. The last 2 months or so have been very hard. See she is working full time, taking 2 classes and has a young one to watch after(She still Lives at Home). When she started taking her classes things changed dramitcally. I barely get to see her if any at all. We still do the good morning texts to each other. but i am afraid that I have come off needy because I tend to seek reassurance with her. I expressed to her about not showing affection and the fact that I never hardly get to see her. I do not get included in things anymore. She tells me she loves me but not have once asked for space. I do not text her constantly I only text her to see if she wants to do something or a reply to her texts. It is hard on me right now because I have no social life. No friends, hardly any family etc. So i have not been happy and been depressed. I am worried that i am pushing her away with this.
Hello Bradley,
The best thing that you can do to not push her away is improve your social life. You doing this will ruin the relationship. This makes the attraction level very low in the relationship. That is what’s going on here. You cannot depend on her or this relationship to make you happier so if you want this to work I would suggest two things. 1. Start your social life. Get involved in activities to meet people and go to the gym etc. 2. Let her start to initiate hanging out with you.
Best,
Apollonia
Hello, my girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months and we have had up’s and down’s during the first few months, but definitely been happy. My GF has cancer and depression and we “took” a break before. She has told me that I have been jealous (though I don’t see how), clingy and becoming dependent on her. The reason why I am around her all the time is to make sure she is fine. She wanted to talk in person and wanted to come to an understanding, but I have not heard from her since Saturday and it’s now Monday. My friend’s have said to leave her alone and have her reach out, but my anxiety is coming out and I really want to reach out. What should I do?
Nate,
Thanks for your comment! You should not reach out right now. If you are having anxiety towards the situation it does show some attachment and clinginess. I would work through this feeling that you have as this can push her away. I’m sorry she’s sick and I know this is incredibly hard. She does not want to feel suffocated as she feels this enough with her sickness. So, the best thing you can do is focus on you and do things that make you happy, surround yourself around people that make you happy and wait for her to reach out. Do not overly communicate that you miss her and put too much pressure for her not reaching out. Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
Hello,
I’ve been in a relationship with her for about 4 years and a month to date. She had a mishap and had to move in with me due to losing her house and then just literally yesterday lost her job.
During her stay I had lost my job as well but got another one within a few weeks and had CPS notified due to slandering but was cleared up so I was stressed as well. When I got home last night from a minor mishap, she took her kids and some of her belongings with them and I didn’t know. She blocked me from various social media and her phone. I finally got through to her and we texted. This is what she said verbatim from and exerpt of our texts:
“I am not shutting u out I need to figure some stuff out u cloud my mind that I can’t focus an I end up not doing the things I need to do to end my self my mind body an soul back it’s self again. An it’s gone be hard for me too cuz I already want to run back but it’s just not healthy for me right now I need time an u do too we both need space for how ever long it take to get all the way back to where we are happy an comfortable on both sides I mean all the way good. But this is the first day I hate to be the person that have e to demand it since I am always the one that do it but good know we need it. it’s gone be ruff but it has has to be done an no I am not all good with it but ik I had too.”
Is this a good sign? She had already unblocked me from her phone and texted me today but I am wanting to back off for a few days to a week then subtly text my way back in. What should I do and how can I decipher what she is saying in that exerpt?
Hello Jayshawn,
Well, you’re missing the key element from all of this. You are just focused on contacting her and the next time you will talk to her which is going to set you up for failure since there needs to be change. A woman does not say “you cloud my mind that I can’t focus” for no reason. That is where the issue lies in that relationship. So I ask you to ask yourself what are you doing that is making her feel like this? Was it fighting, being overbearing. etc. That is the first thing. Secondly, she is mentioning that this relationship is not healthy. So instead of focusing on her, you need to focus on the relationship itself and getting back to the healthy you. If you don’t you will push her away or end up back here again after a couple of months. If you would like some more tailored advice to help you with your situation I’m here. Please book a coaching session and I will help as much as possible. Wishing you the best!
-Apollonia
Hello Apollonia ,
i’ve known my girlfriend now for more than a year we were basically bestfriends before we became a couple , the first month or so was great we skipped so steps because we knew a lot of stuff about each other , but lately i noticed that she’s avoiding me , doesn’t want to meet me for dates and always brings some excuses and i become to realize that i was being needy sometimes , but the problem is that she is the type of a person that likes to be free most of the time, wants to meet once a week basically wants her space a lot and once i’ve noticed this i’ve pulled back before she says she needs her space , i love her a lot and i want this to work so how can i maintain a healthy relationship giving that i believe that spending time together with the person you love will make her care more and fall more for me ?
Hello Leo,
You are wrong about the last part. Spending time together will not make a person always fall more especially if it’s not reciprocated. I would challenge you to take space from this relationship. There is something going on in the relationship when it comes to attraction. I recommend you to read this blog and share your comments after if you have questions as I know this can help. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/what-women-find-attractive-17-traits-everything-you-need-to-know/
I say to step away for about a good 3 weeks and let her initiate. Balance your emotions out and find some happiness in the process of you being alone.
If this woman cares for you she will naturally come back. Try switching the dynamic of the relationship.
Best,
Apollonia
Had a relationship of 5 years. Never had problems in relationship. I was into her and she was going through different experiences .She went for her Post grad and was experiencing many things and had changes in her attitude and became more serious on her career. Without noticing this happening, I was still there where she left me (we both thinking about our future). All of a sudden she came for asking a break. I have reliased that I should give her the break she is asking and focus on myself. I let her text me, call me. She says she loves me, can’t lose me, she thinks we will not be together in future and says has concerns over how will I feel if she says she can’t be with me in the future.
How do I respond to her calls? What should be done in this situation?
Hey Rahul,
Thank you so much for reading When She Says She Needs Space, Here’s What to Do!
We offer 1 on 1 coaching programs that will cater to your specific needs.
Just head to this link: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
We look forward to assisting you!
Best,
Team Apollonia
I have been in love with this girlfriend of mine. for almost about two years now.. but we had ups and down and I have been always be there for her when she fills down.. and we get back in track trouble after trouble, and many time when she is troubled , she ask me she needs space but I usually insists, until she start saying am a bad person and she needs fresh air from this relationship and see how things will be cause she doesn’t have any feeling for our affair. this is hard for me . I love her and I cant stand losing her
Hi Thomas,
Thanks for reading this article about she says she needs space. My question is why does she call you a bad person? What is behind this?
-Apollonia
Hello Apollonia,
I’ve been with this girl for a little over a month, and things seemed to be fine and dandy. I felt like she wasn’t showing any emotion so I addressed it one day, and she broke it off and said she needed time and space to better herself. She hasn’t completely shut the door on me because she last said that she cared about me and that she’s here if I need to talk to her and that she’s worried about me. I have t talked to her in 5 days and feel as if she moved on, I feel this way because she unfollowed me on different social media websites. She claims that her previous boyfriends never stick around but I told her several times that I’m not like them and that I’m here to stay. I’m contemplating wether I should reach out to her and ask her how she’s doing but at the same time I don’t think I should. I could really use your advice because you know what you’re talking about in your article. Please let me know what options I should take. Thank you.
Kevin
Hello ma’am.
I am Deepak from India.
My GF and i have completed 3 years on sept 2018. She didn’t remember that. We fought over it. I said many things to her. That were not from my heart. I really hurted her. We didn’t talk for 2 days. Then after 2 days she said i need space. She said i need to get some time for her. It has been 2 months since that incident. She talks with me we are in the same class in college. But i felt that she doesn’t have any feelings for me. She said she needs space. I am enjoying my life but whenever she posts anything on social media i get upset. My heartbeat gets high when i see her online. What should i do mam. It’s very painful.
Hello mam
My GF and I have been together for 3 years. It was our 3rd anniversary. She didn’t remember and she never remembers even my birthday. I scolded her alot. I really hurt her alot. I know did wrong at that time. We didn’t talk with each other for another two days. On third day she said she don’t want to be with me. I said sorry i scolded you. I asked her that why don’t you remember all these days. She said she can’t remember them because they are being forcefully applied on her. Next i said i am really very sorry. She said i need space for a while. I said okay. She has been talking with me for 2 months but i can’t find that girl who i loved. She is my classmate and now the exams are over. We are at our homes. I am enjoying my life and giving her space. I am improving myself. But the problem is whenever i see her online or whenever she posts and story or pic i feel pain inside me. It is very painful mam. What should i do mam. Please reply????
Hello Deepak,
I would suggest for you not to look at her stories. Separations are hard and the pain heals over time. But the thing you have to not do is influence the pain by looking at her stories. She will also notice that you are not viewing her stories which will get her to think about you and what you’re doing. Hope that helps!
Best,
Apollonia
Hey Apollonia,
I read a lot of your blogs and I have a question. Im extrovert so I need to ask about this a good soul :).
We meet in club, we kiss and the next day we though to get some coffee and wine. This day was magic, a lot of emotions to the night, after this day, she send me a message: “I want you to stay with me everytime” Our “relation” was for only 2 months, but we have long trips, sex and good mood. Sometimes she was jealous, offended etc but she is 20, maybe thats why. After last trip, not good weather, rain etc, we had some fights but after all she was happy. In the last day, I was trying to kiss her but she said “I need some space, few days” I was like ok. After 3 days I call her to meet on coffee and talk about us, she said “I think there is nothing anymore” I was like wtf, whats goin on. We had another event booked but after this words I got my best female friend to come with me, we had a good party with good mood – I needed it. I post some photos and after this party I send a msg to my “ex or friend (idk how to call her after 2 month)”. She answer “have a fun with new girlfriend”. I was trying to explain that she is only my best friend. After that she deleted all my profil from social media, commentaries etc. Right now we have 3 weeks after no contact, we live in same city, we have same parties every weekend in clubs. I saw her last weekend, have conversation with her friends but not with her (my bad maybe I was suppose to say hello only). I know that she trying to get somebody from tinder, I saw photos from her date 2 days ago. She still checking my stories. We had plans, trips, etc. ehh. Can u help me with that?
Hi Max,
Yes, just talk to her. She needs more convincing. At the age of 20 there is a lot of insecurities and I believe if you just let her know she will understand. Try reaching out now since some time has passed. Good luck!
Hello i have been with my girlfriend 1year now and she is been hurting from her ex boyfriend after that shes been dating gorls until she knows me after that we been in a great relationship we talk everyday and always told she doesn’t want me to breakup with her now after 1 year we did have a problem and asked for break i ask her to forget i talk with many friends i did go to see her even ahe didnt want to now she bloked me from all social media and follow two guys on Instagram that i bloked because they want her she is so cold with me and even don’t care i think please help i feel really because iv been faithful to her and never ever did something bad to her pls help sos
Hello Apollonia ,
I hope you’re doing great , i want to thank you first for all the work and advises you share with us ,you are truly a blessing.
So my situation is like this ,i was best friend with this girl for like a year and we were just perfect with each other , always talking and meeting and stuff , but with the time i fell in love with her , the problem is that she has never had a boyfriend and she was too afraid of commitment , so she shut me down many times , until i got fed-up and i just walked away , then she started pursuing me and saying that she wants to be friends again and stuff , i thought i could that but with time i just couldn’t do it , she did something really great for me in my birthday and her birthday was during that week too , so i did something very special for her , and she showed her appreciation and love for me , but still as friends, but after that i have just walked away, and i was very cold towards her , and i applied the no contact rule but later after a week she surprised me one morning with a text saying that she loves me and she want’s to be involved with me romantically, i was excited and so happy to the degree that i ignored the basics of your teachings , so i acted needy all the time , texting , asking to meet her and every mistake possible , so she pulled away, the problem is that i come from a different background , sex is something prohibited for us until we get married , even a kiss is not allowed and that’s okay because it’s my religion , but the problem is that without that , i am missing a big part of the relationship chemistry because we’re only involved emotionally and not physically , so i tend to do a lot to make up for that and most of the time that pushes her away , given that she is a very busy person and we hardly meet , so she likes to text a lot .
I hope i get some advises from you to deal with this because she is the girl of my dreams ,
Hello Paul,
The key here is finding the value that you offer her and not having to make up for the things that YOU think you may “lack”. Look at yourself as a man of pride, dignity, and respect and focus on rebuilding your confidence. Your faith is important to you and she knows that, but this does not mean that she has to take your energy for you to prove that you’re good enough for her. You have to understand you already are. Once you change that mindset and gain more confidence that will change the dynamics of the relationship. I would encourage you to invest in my master your confidence audio seminar on my product page.
Best,
Apollonia
Hello Apollonia. I want to thank you for this tips. Today my girlfriend told me to that she “needs space” in order to breath. So I gave her the space that she needs. She told me that she wont leave me, just give her the time to breath. She gave me a time frame of 1 week up to 1 month. I am willing to wait for her because I want her in my life but what should I do? Should I text her after 1 week? or just wait for her to communicate with me? I am thinking that if i will not text her, she might take it as if i don’t care anymore about her.
Hi Carl,
If she asked for space I would recommend you giving it to her and not texting her. It seems as though you may be too needy and attached and this is why she asked for space. Why did she ask for space?
When a woman tells you she needs space, dump her. She’s not worth your time. If you have shown her that you can be a good provider, a kind listener, and a partner who lovingly wants to support her in her life, and she doesn’t recognize how good you would be for her in her life, then she’s too bloody stupid to be wasting your time with. Don’t spend another second on this imbecile, move on and you will find a woman who sees your goodness and will appreciate you in her life…and ultimately love you.
Dear Apollonia,
I’ve been out of the dating scene for 10 years for the fact that I just recently (7 months to be exact) ended a relationship in a nasty way (no details to be described about that). A few months ago I met this girl and right off the bat we hit it off. I was able to open up to her and she was doing the same with me. Things moved so fast in the beginning weeks that we were spending just about every waking moment together. About 2 weeks ago, we hit a snag, and the relationship started to fade a little, she tried to let me down easy in a way to end it (which turned out wasn’t the truth), and I reacted in frustration and confusion. During this time frame she did meet a guy and they have gone on a few dates together. Her and I had a heart to heart convo the other day and it eventually led to both of us unsure of what we both wanted in the relationship now. However she finally gave me the “I need spAce” talk after the two of us spent the night together. I like the girl a lot, have been there for her and she has been there for me. She’s an individual that is surrounded by a lot of people in her life, I’m not saying she’s ignoring me, but at the same time I don’t know if her saying “I need space” is really her way of distancing herself from me to focus attention on this new guy.
Hi John,
That’s unfortunate that there is another man. My question is why did you continue dating her if there was another man? It’s important that you stand to respect yourself and the same vice versa. As of right now, back away, give her the space she needs and figure out why you want to give attention to a woman that has her eye on another man. Next time you speak to her I would strongly suggest for you to say something like ” I enjoy being with you and spending time with you, but with another man in the picture is not respectful to me and I won’t allow myself to continue this if you are dating the both of us.” Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend suddenly tells me that I’m not her type and that she needs time to think and to see herself without me. I asked her if she doesn’t love me anymore she said that she still loves me but in our relationship there’s many things that goes wrong everytime. I tell her to broke up if that’s what she want but she refused and tells me that she need time to think maybe she’s wrong. From Wednesday we did not talk.
What should i do?
Hello Anthony,
I encourage you to book a session with me as I would have to know the many things that go wrong in the relationship in order to give you tailored advice.I know this is hard but I am sure if you give her space and focus on you it will help. You can book a session here. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and we’ve had our ups and downs (I broke up with her for 6 weeks about 2 years ago because we didn’t seem happy like we used to).
Anyway, she’s been wanting me to talk for ages about our future plans because she wants to move to a different city but I’ve been reluctant to talk about it because I was too scared to take that plunge.
A week before our anniversary she said she neeeded some space to work out who she is as a person and what she wants to be in her life.
Foolishly I fought that because I’m so in love with her.
I spoke to her sister which made her mad, a few days later I sent flowers, then I wrote a large letter answering all the questions she’s been asking and detailing how our future would work and how our relationship would be different.
A week on and she says she can’t be back in this relationship at the moment and she needs time and space to work herself out.
I’m devastated because now she’s making plans to move away by herself, go on holidays and I want to be involved. Please help.
Hello TJ,
It seems like there is a big sense of control here. What made her think differently about the relationship was when she felt that you would not support her in her personal growth. I think it’s important that you show her you want to support her when it comes to life things. I would encourage you to book a session so I can help give you tailored advice. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
Dear Apollonia,
I’ve dated her since January. Since mid year. It was clear we wanted the relationship to lead to marriage. we kinda argue about silly things really. Her attitude changed a lot and she says mine changed too. Somehow after arguing , we apologize and get back. I really do love her and she always says same too.
We had our introduction late November and surprisingly, after a late night phone argumen (was calling her and she was on a call for so long that unlike her, she will cut or call me back but she didn’t, I was crossed). She made an outburst that she needs space/a break. Thought it was a huge joke.
Its a month gone now and I feel deeply pained. Tried reaching out to her, hung out once, went for a function together, plead with her, called, texted but she still insists I respect her wish and give her a break. I finally agreed to give her a break last week. Dunno what’s going on or what next to do.
So damn worried. Pls advice and help on how to approach this and win her affection back again.(am so tempted to buy her Xmas gift and ask for an outing to see a movie).
Hi Apollonia I have been in a relationship for 8 months I had ups and downs with my girlfriend she have told me this relationship is not working and 1 week ago she told me she needs space to think because she still have feelings for her ex even though she loves me and I love her she told me she asked him ones if he wants to be back with her and he told her no but I’m scared she will leave me because she see him at her church often i have asked her to go together at her church but she doesn’t want to I’m texting her often because I keep thinking she might be back with him should I keep texting her and asking to do something together or give her space to think about her feelings
I have been in a relationship for 8 months I had ups and downs as other relationships I love my girlfriend but it’s been 1 week she told me she needs space because she is confused in this time and she told me she has feelings for her ex even though she loves me I asked her if she has communication with her ex and she said they go to the same church and she see him ofen she also told me she asked him if he wants to get back together when I just started the relationship with her but he told her he doesn’t want and I told her to go to the church together and she said no I’m scared she will leave me if I don’t text her every day should I continue texting her and telling her I love her because I’m afraid if I don’t text her she will think I don’t love her and she might have more feelings about her ex
Hey there ive been really interested in a girl at my university and i found out recently she was interested in me, so we decided to go out with each other we spend time together in uni and i spent time with her at her place and had a great night. The next day she says she isnt sure how she feels it isnt the best time for her she says she needs to focus on herself. What do i do, i really like this girl and i wanna help her by being the best boyfriend i can be.
Hello Jack,
That’s the problem you are trying to hard to be the best boyfriend you can be by trying to convince her to be with you. She has to see the value in the relationship with you first. What I encourage you to do now is start to back away a bit and let her come to you. You want to create curiosity to show that you are not going to push her towards you because ultimately if you do it will minimize attraction. Thanks for reading my blog about when she says she needs space.
Best,
Apollonia
My Girlfriend for just under a year has asked to be on her own, we were very much in love but circumstances changed a few months back and I had to move back with my parents so was going round to her shared accommodation with flat mates. Apparently I didn’t make any effort with them and about 2 months ago we started to not get on as well and were at each other more than normal. Admittedly she said she was unhappy in herself so was snappy and she is in her final year in uni so has added stress with assignments to do etc. I want her to be happy but she told me I’d said something a couple of weeks ago when we was having a drunken talk something along the lines of ‘I want to make you fall in love with me again’ which I only meant I wanted her to be happy which then made me happy! Apparently this broke her heart and has been playing on her mind and had sleepless nights. Which has now caused this issue that she said she wants to be on her own she doesn’t know what she wants, she just said she doesn’t feel like herself anymore. It’s upsetting because we were so happy but I think because of a month of unhappiness with us both and I dare say the added stress of uni may now have ruined the relationship. I’m going to leave her be and hopefully she’ll reach out to me. Any advise? Thanks in advance.
Hello Matt,
Yes, letting her have space but also focusing on you and moving forward instead of backward. It’s important to focus and grow from the things that did not work in the relationship so they do not present themselves again. If you need more guidance I encourage you to book a session here so I can help you uncover this and get her back. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
Hey! I’ve been in relationship with a girl for almost 4 years. 2 weeks ago she told me she want us to make a “pause”, I think she actually needed space, so that’s what I gave her. I’ve always been the “nice guy” , I acted weak, on situations in which I should have been strong, and it seems she have lost her attraction to me. I started changing things, I focused on improving myself. We started going to salsa dance training together, which is new experience for both of us, but this trainings break my no-call strategy, and I think she still doesn’t feel the “breakup”, I believe she still takes me for granted. Should we keep going to this dance trainings together or it’s better to focus on the no-call/radio silence strategies ?
Hey! I’ve been in relationship with a girl for almost 4 years. 2 weeks ago she told me she want us to make a “pause”, I think she actually needed space, so that’s what I gave her. I’ve always been the “nice guy” , I acted weak, on situations in which I should have been strong, and it seems she have lost her attraction to me. I started changing things, I focused on improving myself. We started going to salsa dance training together, which is new experience for both of us, but this trainings break my no-call strategy, and I think she still doesn’t feel the “breakup”, I believe she still takes me for granted. Should we keep going to this dance trainings together or it’s better to focus on the no-call/radio silence strategies ?
Hello Martin,
I think the best thing for you to do is focus on you. It seems as though you may have lost yourself in this process and you need to build attraction and find yourself again. I would encourage you to book a session with me here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ so I can help guide you.
Best,
Apollonia
Hello Apollonia, I am very confused. My girlfriend of 8 months (both our longest relationships) recently went distant a week ago and a few days after wanted to talk. She said lets have coffee hang out and talk. I knew that was the death message so I was very upset to start. When we talked I was calm and honest with her. She out of the blue said she wasnt happy anymore and it was nothing that I had done. She said it had developed gradually. She told me that she is unhappy with herself, she wants to go back to school, and wants to work on being happy in her own skin (my parents had told me that it looked like she was putting on weight). She also said she was unsure about the future. Prior to this everything seemed fine until a week ago she went distant. She admitted and we have talked before about her being unable to express her emotions properly. Which caused our communications issues but there was no fighting, rarely any disagreements. I couldnt see the signs because even the days prior to breaking up except for seeming like she didnt really want to talk she was still her normal affectionate self, grabbing my hand, kissing, not pulling away when I grabbed her hand but she was never really affectionate that much to begin with so her normal affection didnt trigger me to think anything was wrong. It seemed to just come out of the blue. We were about to take our first trip within the following weeks and a month prior talked about engagement and moving in, key information is that she still has her v-card, we are in our mid-late 20s, so we never had sex. I asked her if there was anything we could do to fix it she said she didnt know. She never said she wanted to truly end it, she talked about how she was thinking about giving it more time and see if things work out but thinks it would be unfair to me since she knows I will know she is unhappy and will make me become unhappy. I suggested giving it more time and see if things changed to see if we can fix it and possibly bring the spark back or to give us no contact space and reconnect in a month or two to let her work on herself and I work on mine. She thought that was the best idea and might work. We never really said break up but I am taking it like a break up and not sure what to do? She said she loves me but when I asked if as a friend or romantically she said she isn’t sure exactly how she feels. I know there were things I could do better because I was always available, texted first 99% of the time, and became comfortable which may have put us in a rut where we stopped doing exciting things and just watched movies all the time. I’m not sure what I should do to save it but I’m not sure if we actually broke up or just on a break. Can you help?
Hello Apollonia, I am very confused. My girlfriend of 8 months (both our longest relationships) recently went distant about a week ago and a few days after wanted to talk. She had also just dyed her whole head for the first time in 8 plus months together. We were supposed to have dinner but she said lets have coffee, hang out, and talk instead. I knew that was the death message so I was very upset to start. She decided to come over to my place and we talked, I was calm and honest with her. She out of the blue said she was unhappy but it was nothing that I had done. She told me that she is unhappy with herself, she wants to go back to school, and wants to work on being happy in her own skin and wanted to get a trainer to fix that (my parents had told me that it looked like she was putting on weight). I asked when she stared to be unhappy and she said it had developed gradually. She also said she was unsure about the future. Prior to this everything seemed to be going fine and normal as usual. She has always been unable to express her emotions properly. Which caused our communications issues and lead to this but there was no fighting, rarely any disagreements. I couldn’t see the signs because even the days prior to breaking up except for seeming like she didnt really want to talk she was still her normal somewhat affectionate self that she had always been from the start of the relationship, grabbing my hand, kissing, not pulling away when I grabbed her hand. It seemed to just come out of the blue. We were about to take our first trip within the following weeks and a month prior talked about engagement and moving in, key information is that we hadn’t had sex because she wasn’t ready at the time and still a virgin. I asked her if there was anything we could do to fix it she said she didnt know. She never said she wanted to truly end it, she talked about how she was thinking about giving it more time and see if things work out but thinks it would be unfair to me knowing I will know she is unhappy and will make me become unhappy. I suggested doing so to see if things changed and fix it and also suggested to give us no contact space and reconnect in a month or two to let us work on ourselves because I did not want it to end and wanted to work things out. She thought that was the best idea and might work. We never really said break up but I am taking it like a break up and not sure what to do? She said she loves me but when I asked if as a friend or romantically she said she isn’t sure exactly how she feels right now. I was always available, texted first 99% of the time, and became comfortable just watching movies on the couch which may have put us in a rut where we stopped doing exciting things. I’m not sure what I should do to save it but I’m not sure if we actually broke up or just on a break. Can you help?
Hello a girl I’ve been seeing for about a month has recently requested space. I brought up the topic of being exclusive and this drove her to request that space. I’m confused and I don’t know what to do and struggling to be happy this week. The times we spent together we both had a lot of fun and I just don’t know if I should move on or not.
Hi Joe,
So what red flags can you think of that showed you she was possibly not ready for a relationship if any. I encourage you to book a session with me so I can help you further as I would need more information. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
hi Apollonia quick question, ive been talking to this girl i know for almost a year we never confirmed anything never actually went out on an official date but i Really like her and i know she really likes me but shes always told me that i lack affection and she worried about the fact that im a working progress trying to get stable financially she told me a while back that she didnt want me to come over anymore and she feels like shes done and recently i felt we were good again cuz i was able to visit her after i really thought she was done with me but i called her later that day after she dropped me off i know there are emotions involved here but she wants to be sure about me also yea shes 30 im 27 so she feels like thats a MAJOR factor im thinking shes trying to move on with other guys or someone from her past is the reason she didnt call me back cuz She ALWAYS calls me back no matter wha i would hate to think she is seeing other guys or that shes losing interest with me…..Do you have any helpful advice?
Hello Tazon,
Thanks for your comment. It seems as though she wants you to be comfortable with you and your life before you move into a relationship which is a healthy mindset. There also seems as though there is more to this story and I would need more details in order to give you advice. I would recommend booking a coaching session here. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
Hello, i just want to know why my girlfriend want me to give her time to think and space, breathe better because she was seeing someone after i said hurtful stuff to her ” you’re not wifey material” when i was angry when i said that but i didn’t meant it to said to her.. Now she started to seeing someone else.. my heart is broken.. What can i do now? i was tried to manipulate her mind control
Hello Curtis,
Thank you for reading my blog about when she says she needs space. This blog will answer your questions. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/i-need-space/
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia!
I have been in a relationship for 8 months I had ups and downs as other relationships I love my girlfriend but it’s been 1 week she told me she needs space because she is confused in this time and she told me she has feelings for her ex even though she loves me I asked her if she has communication with her ex and she said they go to the same church and she see him ofen she also told me she asked him if he wants to get back together when I just started the relationship with her but he told her he doesn’t want and I told her to go to the church together and she said no I’m scared she will leave me if I don’t text her every day should I continue texting her and telling her I love her because I’m afraid if I don’t text her she will think I don’t love her and she might have more feelings about her ex. We still go out together but she stays cold to me should I stop going out with her
Hello. My name is Chris. My Girlfriend of 7 years has been distant for a couple of years and always wants her space. The problem seems to be that she is overwhelmed by everyday life with work and the kids and everything, at least that is what she told me, but I dont know if the problem is deeper than that. I have not dug deeper because I am trying to respect her wish for her alone time, but I am beginning to feel a bit emotionally abandoned. I try to help her around the house as much as I can, but I am gone most of the day and I can only do so much. I try to reconnect, give her attention and affection, and she says I am smothering her after two or three days. I want to take her out, we haven’t been out for years alone together, but it never seems to work out, either not enough money or no babysitter. We haven’t been on a vacation together since 2015 because we never get vacation time together. Our relationship is not a dating one, but more like a married couple, we have been living together for a long time and have children together. I love her so very much, and just am at a loss at what to do anymore. She says she loves me too though, and I believe her, and that is what I do not understand.
Hello Christopher,
I’m sorry that you are going through this as I know it’s incredibly difficult. What I would suggest is for you to continue to give her time and not smother her. I do think that I can help you but we need more information. I would encourage you to book a session here. So I can give you further guidance. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
Thank you for your blogs and videos, they really are great insight and super helpful to us idiot guys! ha.
My best friend and I recently got a bit too drunk together, and we ended up sleeping together (after 7 months of some serious flirtation and attraction, while she had a boyfriend, but we never acted on anything, and she just recently broke up with him a few days before we hooked up). The next day she said that she’s not in a good head space (understandable from going through a break up + what we just did), and she said that she needs space for a little awhile. We’re inseparable, and our connection is beyond anything we’ve each had in our lives, to the point where we want to be in each others life forever (as what? we don’t know), but I’m having a hard time with the possibility that I may never hear from her again because of what we did, at the wrong time, and if i’m now associated with that negative memory. It’s been a week of no contact since she said she needed space. I’m just battling with myself to “try to say something to fix it” vs. “give her that 100% space” and wait, wait , wait.
Do those same factors that you wrote about apply to “best friends” that have feelings for each-other, but weren’t dating or in a relationship? Thank you for your help!
Hi Chris,
Thanks for your support and reading my blogs and watching my videos. Yes, it still applies. The only thing that I would say differently is to stop doubting your friendship and relationship with her. This was something that happened and probably shocked the both of you and as time goes on she will connect with you again. Just support her but also don’t live in your fear of not seeing her again because that is just a fear and not a reality. If the both of you shared a special bond and friendship she will not ignore that for long. Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
Hey Apollonia,
I really hope you find the time to reply to this 🙂
I’ve been with my girlfriend for a bit over 5 years now, About 7 months ago we moved into a house together which we built.
Over the past 2 or 3 months she has been very hot and cold towards me, Some days she will feel totally in-love with me and other days she will feel nothing towards me (We have spoken about it together).
As of last night she moved back to her parents house and plans to stay there for 2 weeks whilst she tries to work out how she feels, She also speaks to a therapist about her battle against depression.
I just wanted to know if you had any advice for me, I love this girl so much and i can’t imagine a life without her, and i know for a fact only a few months ago she felt the same, we had spoken many times about getting engaged this year.
Thank you in advance for your reply
Hey Apollonia,
I really hope you find the time to be able to reply to this 🙂
I have been with my girlfriend for just over 5 years now, 7 months ago we moved in to a house we built together but over the past few months she has become very hot and cold towards me, Some days she will feel totally in-love with me and other she will feel nothing (We have spoken about how she feels, that is how she describes it). Recently she has begun speaking to a local therapist about her battle against depression (Also a recent problem).
As of last night she decided to move back into her parents home for 2 weeks to have some space from me whilst she tries to work out how she is feeling. I just wanted to know what i could do, It was only 2 months ago when we were inseparable and were genuinely a very very in-love couple.
Thank you in advance for any advice you may have for me, I love her so much and i don’t want to lose her.
Hello Jacob,
Sorry, you are going through this as I know it’s incredibly hard and confusing. Did she explain why? I would really encourage you to book a session with me here https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/. It’s hard for me to help your relationship just with a comment but I know you can get incredible results if we work together. I don’t want to tell you to back away or to try to initiate cause I don’t know exactly what happened in the relationship and I can give you the wrong advice. Right now I think it’s best to really focus on the things you enjoy. Hope we can connect and look forward to working with you.
Best,
Apollonia
MN
I have a girl friend of about 3 years.. We broke up last year December and reconciled in march this year…..yesterday she told me that she need her own space because she have personal problems of which she needs to solve… She has been a distance quite a bit, she blame me if not being a supportive boyfriend to her dreams..she even told me that all the problems we have reminds her our past problem.. I accused her that its just an excuse for leaving me as in the moment i did nothing to her.. I accused her that it is because she found someone of which she saids its not true.. I agreed by saying its better we cut off a relationship.. Then today she sent a big text e plaining that she loves me and she knows i love her too.. She said she is not angry at she just need a space to solve her personal problems alone with her family… She insisted that i must stay strong for her then we will take it from then.. Then just because i had no text to send back i called back to say i recieve a message… She told ne that she is worried of the way how i am viewing things….she send another text that she will text to me later… I am confused and not knowing what’s going on with her… Can i just leave her alone, call or text.. Please help
Apologies for my grammatical errors
Evening
Me and my lady have been together for 2 years she recently said she needs space to work on her as her job is stressing her out and she feels like it has changed her she had told me it’s nothing to do with me
I asked her how she wants to be Handled like dose she want me to text her and check in on her or does she want to be left alone but there was no reply so I haven’t texted her since is that the right thing to do will this be damaging to us in the future ?
Hi Sam,
The right thing to do is give her space and back away. Especially if this is what she wants.I know it’s hard but handling the emotions is the vital part of this process. Hope this helps and stay strong.
Best,
Apollonia
If she not txt and say she dont wanna talk anymore then what i should do actually she hide her problems she not share with me …
Hi Sam, thank you for taking the time to read When She Says She Needs Space. If she’s not texting and says that she doesn’t want to talk anymore, then I would leave her alone. If you keep trying to talk to her or keep trying to pursue, she is going to block you and run in the opposite direction. Focus on your life and finding your own inner happiness. She will either come back and you can try again and go slow, or start dating other women. But leave this one alone and focus on building your life right now.
Best,
Apollonia
Hello ! My girlfriend ask me to not call and text her until the time she that doesnt want to answer. It is suddenly happen after i was hanging out with her. I realize i spend time wih her almost everyday. The reason she needs space is she is tired and doesnt want to communicate with people via meseenger apps and play social media. I also ask her deeply the other reason why she needs break. She said i’m egoist without any explanation. Im so sad right now. I do my best to make her fall in love with me. Is that sign from her she is not interest with me anymore? What should i do to make her contact me. Should i give her 1 week and call her to explain what is going happen and fix it? How can i make her fall in love with me again?
Hi,
My girl and I are in the same school. Recently, she needs some space, so I was wondering when I meet her in the hallway or some public space, should I say, “Hi, and how are you doing?”
Thanks
Hi,
My girl and I go to the same school. She said that she needs some places. But when I meet her in a place like a hallway, should I say Hi to her.
And She blocks some of my accounts, but she just unblocked my message one, what should I do with that because I do not know whether she doesn’t unblock on purpose or she just forget.
Thanks
Tyler,
I would step back and let her come to you. There’s a reason why she’s ignoring you so don’t avoid that. Thanks for reading my blog about when she says she needs space.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi my girlfriend told me she needed space after 3 years and it was a very sudden thing. We have a long distance relationship and see each other on weekends so how much more space could I give her. She’s barely replied to any messages and told me it’s nothing I’ve done she just isn’t sure if she wants the same things anymore and wants to be alone to think about it. I read the article and it’s good solid advice but I may have already came across as scared and desperate. Would giving her space now give her the right image of me or would she only remember the last desperate me?
Hi Jack,
I know this is a difficult time. I would encourage you to book a coaching session here. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2/ So I can have a better understanding of your situation and how to move forward. I think giving her space will give you back your sense of control but also give you time to reflect and make some changes for that not to happen again. Hope this helps!
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
I went on 5 dates with this girl (met online) and we like each other. But, she’s stressed about her uni studies and tried to end things with us because she felt she really needs to focus on her studies. I told her I would give her space and only contact her in May after her exams. She loved this idea. 2 weeks have passed, it’s hard. We go to the same community run on Saturday. She must have seen me this Saturday, ’cause right after the run she’s blocked me from Whatsapp. What does this mean? Should I not go to the same community run any more? Should I contact her.
I really appreciate your time and help. Many thanks.
Hi Thomas,
I don’t see why she would block you from WhatsApp unless she saw you flirting with other girls? Or she thought you ignored her. She will unblock you. When she does reach out and see how she’s doing.
Apollonia
Hi apollonia, I’ve been with this girl for about 3 months and recently, I knew she was going through a tough time and I wanted to talk to her after school, she ignored me and started walking home so I walked with her and tried talking to her about it, I do feel like I was trying a little too hard and I’m worried because she said she needed space and that she didnt need a relationship right now, we eventually got to her house and she told me she was going through alot and she slammed the door in my face. I talked to her mom right after because she was outside and she told me she was stressed out because shes on probation and for me to just avoid contact for a while. What do you think I should do?
Hi Apollonia,
How does this apply to when she was cheated on by her ex-husband? We had been seeing each other for a month or so, and it was all great. Probably too great and fast with both of us just recently going through separate divorces. But then after a counseling session she told me she needed some space to process her feelings/emotions. I don’t think her feelings towards me would have changed, and it really is just like she said that new feelings aren’t what’s needed for her right now. Just wondering if being cheated on makes the space that much more of a major need for her, and for me to really respect that to the fullest. But that she hopefully will reach out to me in time.
Hi Shane,
No, it’s still the same given your situation. It seems as though she has a lot going on and needs to find herself. What’s important here is to give her space. Once you do this let her naturally come back. It will be hard but during this time I believe the both of you will benefit from just giving eachother some time to think.
Hope this helps.
-Apollonia
Hi Appolianna, Me and my girlfriend recently went on holiday and it wasn’t right from the night before we went. She was irritated by me and said as much. I kept my cool mostly but on one of the mornings when we woke up together she said that she loved me like a brother and didn’t fancy me any more. It broke my heart and I admit I got upset. We’d had a few ups and downs before and she suffers with anxiety and has pushed me away before too. We did have some good moments on the holiday, even intimacy initiated by her but she did have a huge meltdown on the last night crying and saying she just wanted to be home now where everything would be different. We parted ways after we returned and she texted me apologising saying how she’d spectacularly messed everything up as she was a messed up individual and only wanted for us to have a nice time together. I reassured her via text that whilst it wasn’t ideal I still had a good time. She has since initiated texts asking how I am and I’ve asked her about some future dates we had booked in. I’m giving her space but my god it’s tough. All of her friends love me and I’ve not reached out to them out of respect for her. My friends have said I am doing the right thing by letting her come to me. But I do want to support her as she’s going through a stressful and busy time and of course let her know I’m thinking of her plus encourage her to get professional help for her anxiety too. Maybe I’ve been TOO supportive and understanding at times. A lot of this seemingly came out of nowhere too but was a repeat of previous doubts she’s had. She forgot it was valentines today too but is committed to her studies and she’s encouraged me to go out with friends instead, which I am and would have done anyway as I respect she has studies. I won’t be dropping a gift to her as I feel it’s not the right time as we’re technically not together. This is tough though. I want her back but don’t want to force it or appear like I don’t care.
I dated a girl I met online for about 2 and a half months. Everything was great! I could tell she was really into me. I was going through a divorce and she broke up with her last boyfriend 6 months prior because he cheated on her.
We spent every weekend together, we talked every day and everything seemed great, until one weekend. We had been having some sexual problems because of me (I blame this on my divorce, this never happened before.) and this messed with my head and I believe it had a huge role in the breakup.
The final weekend we spent together she had become distant that following Monday. I asked why and she said she just needed space. We still talked but not as much. She started uninviting me to events we had planned the following weekend. Finally, the following Saturday was the first time we hadn’t spoken during our entire relationship. Sunday, she said she wanted to end things between us. She said I was perfect and everything she looking for in a man and she wishes we could have worked out. She said she liked me as a person but didn’t feel our connection growing. She said we needed to give each other space to move on. I kind of pleaded with her that day to give me a second chance and to take time to think it over. She declined and 4 days later, she deleted me from all social media. Coincidentally this was the same day we had plans to go to an event together. I think her ex might have gone with her based on one of her snaps, I couldn’t tell for sure though. It was that night she deleted me.
I didn’t contact her for a month until I sent her a message saying hey. She saw it but ignored me. Another month goes by and I reached out again and said I hope everything is going well for at work and school. She saw this but waited 6 hours to respond. I was shocked she actually did though. We only sent a few messages and she never replied to the last. Although the last message wasn’t really a question or anything.
My question is, do I have a chance to get her back now? I find it interesting that she replied the second time I reached out. As if she is softening to me again.
Hii ..Apollonia Ponti
I follow your channel on youtube and see all the video that’s are very helpful but now a days I face a problem in my relationship. We are in LDR relationship.before two days ago suddenly she said that she needs time I had not asked any questions and said ok you can take your time but she said that she will’le call me once in a day for 5 minutes and treated like as a friend for some days. and she stopped responding to my text. when something imp then she responding otherwise not ..
I hope you reply to me and tell what to do?
Hi Ani,
It seems as though space was needed because she was losing attraction possibly? What I would recommend is going 30 day no contact and making sure you get your emotions aligned with you so she does not take control of them. Best of luck!
Apollonia
how treat her when she call me every day in night for 5 minute ?
or not received her call ?
Whats the question?
Hi Apollonia!
I’m 21 and I’ve been recently going through some struggles with this girl I really like. She’s 19 and we’ve been talking since mid-July of 2018 and we started getting very serious in October. We’ve never been official, but we act like a couple and hangout, go on some dates, and sorry if this is too much info, we have amazing sex. We started out as friends with benefits, but she ended up developing feelings for me and then I did shortly after. We developed love, affection, and intimacy for each other due to our sexual life and the feelings we got for each other. However, about four years ago, she was in a very abusive relationship. She was mentally and physically abused. She initially went to therapy for it and got over her former abuser, but she’s having repressed feelings come back because her cousin, who moved in with her and her parents temporarily at the beginning of February (and still does live with them), is causing her to have nightmares and other issues about her former abuser because her own cousin got kicked out of his ex’s house because he was abusive to his ex. Her cousin is basically triggering those feelings back. Also keep in mind, her cousin is only staying with them for a couple of months so earliest he’d be outta there is by end of March/beginning of April. We had this big initial talk about almost a month ago and she concluded that she can’t pursue a romantic relationship right now because of the repressed feelings she’s been getting from her former abuser which resulted in her mom scheduling an appointment for a therapist in the next two weeks. She also brought up religion because she’s a huge devout Baptist and I’m a Muslim, but not as devout or religious. She said she ultimately can’t marry someone who doesn’t share the same beliefs or views as her. However, I’ve been giving her space. We would talk every two or three days and I’d text her and see how she’s doing and what not and she’d tell me that she’d have some good days, but also lots of bad days. We actually hungout about two weeks ago and she was a little bit cold and distant, but we basically did the exact same stuff that we used to do like hold hands, talk a lot, and I gave her Valentines gifts and kissed her. I even brought up the religious aspect of things and told her how I’m open minded regarding religion and would like to learn more about her faith and wanna make things work with her. This was on Monday and she was scheduled for her first therapist in four years on a Wednesday of that week we hungout. However, about a week ago, we had another big talk and she concluded that after seeing her therapist, there’s no way she can pursue a romantic relationship right now with the emotional state she’s in and the emotions she’s repressed and that she strictly wants to be friends for now. She also brought up religion again and said how she doesn’t want me to all of a sudden become a Christian and for me to be Christian just to be with her. I told her that I truly meant it and that I want to learn more about her faith and I’m not doing it to solely be with her, but that I’m always looking to better my life spiritually, emotionally, and physically and that I wanna come to her church every Sunday with her so I can meet her parents that way too (I’ve never met her parents because they’re very strict and when we would hangout, she would have to sneak out of her house to see me late at night or we would have to get up super early before or after class to go on breakfast dates). I also told her that I understand she can’t pursue a romantic relationship and respect it because of what she’s going through. She responded saying she gets that and that I’m more than welcome to come to her church with her, but that she thinks it’s better for her to not see me for a bit just as a way for her to clear her mind. She also said I have the biggest heart and sweetest soul and that all I do is out of love and respect and to help her then concluded saying “but I think as of right now, I just need space.” Then I told her I’m more than happy to give her that space and how much space she needs. She said that a couple weeks might do us both good or maybe after Spring break or something and that she’ll see how she feels then. I also asked her if I should talk to her first or if she’ll let me know and then I told her I love her very much. She responded with “I’ll let you know when I’m ready. Love you too. Thank you so much.” It’s been a week since we last talked and I’ve been kind of stressed and anxious that she’s gonna move on and lose feelings for me for how long she’s asking. I was thinking of texting her later next week by just checking up on her, but that’s it. No full on convo. Just a “hey hope you’re feeling better and if you need me I’m here” to show her I still care. What do you think I should do? Am I doing everything right? Will she end up coming back to me? Should I keep continuing to give her space? I’m very stressed and anxious.
Hi. I met my girlfriend through internship last year and we got together because of mutual feelings. However, at that time, she broke up with her ex. Although her ex was overly caring and loving her, he was constantly pestering her and pressuring her into things which she really couldn’t take it anymore.
At some point of time, she would feel rather conflicted with her thoughts and apologise me for hurting me and making me insecure. I promised her before that whatever it is I’ll be there for her even if it’s heaven or hell. She would constantly blame herself for not being able to appreciate me and hurting me instead.
Recently, she asked for space because she is emotionally confused and having mixed feelings. This is because she hasn’t totally let go of the past yet and she thought she could be happy with me with ease. Despite all these, she did tole me one thing for sure that she loves me. Hence, she didn’t want to be unfair to me so she asked for space to settle her internal conflicts.
Our conversations are less frequent and a bit more awkward, but I’m really anxious for her. I don’t want to text her that often as I fear she might see me as an annoyance. What should I really do now in the meantime? It really feels uncomfortable the moment she said she needed space but I really really want to help her get over it. Besides, I do not want to break the promises we both make together.
Hi Eron,
Thanks for your comment. I know this is a difficult time for you and I know it can be very overwhelming. The thing about this is the only person that can help their personal growth is the actual individual. This is where strength in yourself is so important and understanding that you are strong with or without her. The thing you don’t want to do is not give her space and try to reach out too much. So, let her initiate more and then she will slowly reciprocate and as time goes on this will help you.
Best,
Apollonia
I was dating this girl for about a month then she broke up with me cause she couldn’t handle school , and sorority and she felt she couldn’t give me the relationship I wanted . So we decided to be friends , things were going good talking everyday and we had a very strong connection that was still there then she started becoming cold and resistant and one week she just didn’t reply to my message but then she sent me stuff on social media , after that the next week we had plans and she canceled for legidiment reasons and she apologized for not seeing me then she doesn’t text me all week and we had plans for Saturday so I messaged her and she didn’t reply and I called her and she didn’t answer so I asked her if I did any thing wrong and why is she ignoring me , she said she was busy with tests all week and was brushing me off , so this past week I was asking if she wanted to hang cause I was going on vacation and she had already made plans this week , I felt she was brushing me off so I expressed my self that I’m trying and I felt she was pushing me away and being cold so after a few hours I got a text message saying Listen I really think I need space I am sorry . I really don’t know what I did wrong to her I thought we were friends
Hi
My girlfriend broke up with me because she didnt feel comfortable with being in different years at school and wants time and space alone to try and change her mentality. Its been very hard for me as we talked most days and now nothing, and im finding it very difficult to resist messaging or calling her. She seemed to make the decision too quickly though it was a bit out of the blue although she had been thinking about it fir a while apparently. She said she still likes me and i like her, but is there any point waiting for her to change? Also do you have any other advice about what to do?
Hi, so me and my girlfriend recently broke up due to the fact that she said she is only happy when she is with me, and when i leave it is world shattering to her. she has diagnosed anxiety and depression, and has a lot going on in life currently, and said handling a relationship is not good for her right now. i’ve been sitting back and taking it easy and letting her come to me, and she does. we talk everyday, she constantly checks in on me and i do the same for her, and we have conversation. is this a matter of give her time and space, or do you think it could be possibly steming from something else? she said she loves me so much and cares about me so much and constantly apologizes for putting me through all of this, and i’m just torn. there was so much love and hapiness in that relationship and she just says she needs to do this on her own.
My fiance of 5 years recently initiated a separation. She said she doesn’t want to live with me and feels like the past 5 yrs has been a waste. It started in mid-January when she had a health scare. After she got out of the hospital, I started to feel distance building. My insecurities got the better of me after she returned from a work trip. I had bought some skimpy outfits thinking we could share some hot intimate time. Each time we attempted to consummate that wknd, she was in a lot of pain. Finally on Saturday night, we had a great dinner and was having drinks. She kept mentioning how i should focus on spending more time with my kids and family. I took this as she was pushing me away. Later that night, again not able to consummate due to her pain level. I blew up and accused her of stepping out on me. My insecurities had gotten the better of me…and the alcohol. That was just after Valentine’s Day. She mentioned the next day that she was going to look for a place to rent and would be moving out for a while. This floored me. I knew i needed to address my insecurities. She moved out this past wknd, but really hadn’t been at our home for a month due to work travel and staying with her family. I am honoring her request for time and space. I have reached out by text once a wk to see if she is doing ok or needs anything. She’s moving into her new place this wknd. I text her prior to and told her that i hope the move goes well and asked if we could talk next wk after she’s settled. Any text or conversation – I’ve been the one to initiate it. After reading your article, am i trying to hard right now? I do love this woman, but i am scared i’ve pushed her to her breaking point. As i continue to learn about myself through counseling, i’ve realized how much of a drain on the relationship i’ve been. What should i do going forward? I will be continuing the counseling and will be continuing to focus on myself, but i want her to know i’m still here and believe we can work thru this.
Hi Rob,
I am glad you are doing some counseling which is helping you learn about yourself. You are beginning the process, so continue on your journey that can bring you the results you need to have a happy and healthy relationship. I have some audio videos that I would recommend to assist you with your self development; Overcome Attachments Neediness and Fears and Master Your Confidence. I have included the links if interested.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/OvercomeNeedinessSeminar
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/masteryourconfidence
Best,
Apollonia
Highest greetings seen your videos great impactful work you do
My question is
A woman says she wants space or doesn’t want you on her life
Yet still texts or comments on things posted through social media or views ‘daily’ the many things I’m doing and will be first to view straight as posted as though she has selected notification pop up on her phone for me
Why is that?
Many thanks for your Feminine essence of guidance for us men
Hi Apollonia
Me a my girlfriend have been going out for over a year and everything was going great. All of a sudden she said she wants to be alone at the moment and can only handle her life we both had a lot of stress lately her with dealing with debts and working a lot of the time and me with my children I’ve given her space no calls or texts I do bump into her at work most days and she does still talk to me at work I do love this woman very much and want to make us work again please can you help
Hi Jeremy,
I am so glad you read my blog. If you are interested in a private coaching session here is the link where you can schedule it and I can give you tailored advice to your relationship. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/. I wish you all the best.
Apollonia
Hi Jeremy,
Thank you for reading my blog. I would be happy to give you advice, but I need to know more about you and the relationship. If you are interested in a private coaching session tailored to your needs, here is my link: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching-2-2/
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia. You have no idea how helpful reading this was to me. I was dating a girl for about 5 months where we literally talked every single day, even though 5 months can be a short amount of time we did a lot of things together and amazing trips. When we began dating I noted she had some insecurities and personal issues such as low self-esteem. Of course I supported her on this. On the relationship we discovered we were both virgins which we were happy about because we knew there wouldn’t be any pressure from each other to meet expectations, of course we did things and made up but during those 5 months we never engaged on a relationship, she had told me she wanted to but felt insecure and I made sure to let her know that there was no pressure from my side, that I want to be with her as a person and that I wasn’t with her just because of how she looked. About 3 weeks ago I noticed her weird and distant so I asked her if she was okay and she told me she needed space, wasn’t secure about us and felt that she wanted to be alone right now. I always wanted to be there for her, spoiled her, supported her and focused on not pressuring her. Right now the relationship feels like it’s over, I feel good with myself because I know I did everything in my power to make her happy but I am worried for her especially because of the personal issues I mentioned above. Should I literally just live my life not worrying about her or should I be there to support her? We didn’t end on bad terms, I do not wish to bother her but there is something that feels wrong about leaving her alone, but I don’t know if this is what she needs. I just want her to know that she can write to me if she wants to talk again. This is my first relationship so I am very confused as to why this happened when even she seemed very happy and how I should act. Thank you!
Hi there, I been with my common law partner for 9 years she been my best friend and me hers, We’ve had out fair share of conflicts but the the straw was when we\ I was going through a little trust issue with the men at her work so on day she approached me and asked if we had plans to go to the movies on Saturday ( cought me by surprise as its not something we do), I said no and she said well then i’m going to go play poker from 2 pm til 11 pm with the guys (men) from work, I did not say no but did say I thought it was inappropriate for a spouse to do that unless I was at the least invited (I was not invited), she decided not to go, then the Sunday said she was leaving me and needed her time. We saw each other once when she came by the house to drop off a key, had a couple huggs and a couple kisses then she left, At this point shes been gone two weeks, so I text and asked if she would like to go out for dinner she said no it was too soon, My heart got the best of me so I apologized the next morning and told her I will leave her be from here on end. Im no longer texting or calling or anything. and been working on me to eat again and be healthy, what are the odds she comes back ?
Hi Gerry,
Thank you for reading this blog. Take this time to develop yourself. Do some fun things and keep a positive outlook. You both have vested time in the relationship and if it meant to be she will come back. I wish you all the best!
Apollonia
I had this big fight with my girl recently.I’m not sure whether the fault is mine or hers but i did speak certain rude things to her in anger like i told her she played with my feelings.She has now cut off from me and she speaks very rudely.She asked me to give her space but i didn’t give it to her and ended up making it worse.I was afraid to lose her and i even begged her to stay.Things havee gotten worse where she doesn’t want to even see my face or talk to me and she said that she even hates me.
I’m not sure now what i should text her or how i should approach this situation
My girl had feelings for someone else and when I found out she begged me to stay. Few weeks later she’s distant again. We have both started individual therapy and she says she needs space to think about what she wants. I’m just trying to work on myself and get back on the right track, but I’m afraid of drifting further apart while I respect her space. Is there hope? Any advice?
Jesus, this was spot on. Im so happy I googled to look for some much needed help. My girl and I are not from the same country and we have been apart for three months now and before we had not known each other for that long. Now, only one week before we were supposed to be reunited, she is clearly not in love with me and I’ve been a bit desperate the last days and told her how bad this makes me feel.
She has started a new stressful job and in that time I have not been able to be there for her. Communication day after day over the phone is impossible. I cant remember the last time I really made her laugh, and Im a pretty funny guy.. 🙂
She also has a tons of friends, so she probably feels that she can get by with them, as she always has, since she has not felt that she has had a boyfriend for quite some time.
Thanks to you Im not going to rush down there and save our relationship by any means. Im gonna fly down to her when she is ready to give our love a new try. Until then, Im gonna be happy, productive and enjoy this life.
Hi Alex,
Thank you for your email. I am so glad you have found this blog helpful. You are taking the right step in doing things that are going to make you happy, productive and that bring joy to your life. You have to work on making yourself happy so you can make others around you happy. I have included a blog for your guidance. Good luck!
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-love-yourself-again/
Best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend broke up with me this past Easter Sunday. I am devastated i didn’t see it coming at all. First i would like to point out, that she has never been so cold or disrespectful to me when it happened. I wake up Sunday morning and i say good morning. I try to have a conversation with her and shes on her phone reading articles. Never again has she ever straight up disrespected me like that before. So i keep my claim and try to talk things out. I say ” can we talk this out” and shes says ” i just want to be alone”. Im just like “do you even want me around anymore” and she says maybe not no. So i say i feel like you don’t even want to be with me anymore she says maybe i don’t and then says no because i think she was mad. So i say can we please talk and explain why you don’t want to be with me anymore. We have been together for a year and 5 months been to many countries together and had amazing experiences. She tells me that she doesn’t to have kids nor get married. That she is over it that she doesn’t hang out with her friends anymore and that i am always around invading her space. The truth is we both work as teachers. I come over on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. I personally did not know she felt this way because she never said anything about it. She told me that it was alot of things that pilled up. She said that i have a bad habit of forgetting things which i do, but its not like i don’t care about what she has to say however i acknowledge that women can see that as me not caring. She also mentioned She also said that. To me it felt like we could fix these things and work on them however i just wish it wouldn’t have happen that way. I left her house because i felt like she didn’t want me their anymore. Of course i cried and everything and feel very hurt. She feels for some reason that having kids and getting married are a deal breaker. Now i do want to marry her however the kids part is something yes i want but i also want her which i value more right now. Its been 5 days since i left her alone and want to wait 3 days till i try to communicate with her again. Keep in mind she has an 8 year old child and is 28 soon to be 29. I think man i hope she doesn’t end up with some one who isn’t a good role model for her kid or is a good boyfriend. The truth is i know i am a good boyfriend. So i hope that she realizes that and is willing to come to the table one last time to see if we can still fix this. I will text her and see if she is willing to at least give me a good closure and know their is no chance of getting back together. Truth be told i am in denial of not being in a relationship. I would like some good advice it would mean the world to me at this point.
I was dating a girl that I fell in love with. I had been divorced and was hard at first to relay that to her. She wasn’t sure about our relationship. I convinced her for another opportunity as just got off . depression meds . Everything was going great and maybe i put to much pressure on her and she now said she wasn’t sure she would feel like we did when we first went out. She admits that the chemistry between us is amazing when we are together.
I thought was doing the right things by giving her space but I have been going crazy emotionally because I don’t want to lose her. Am afraid that not communicating with her, she will move on. I don’t know what to do. Please help
my girlfriend asked for space cos we haven’t seen each other for 10 months but we communicate well even though I do most of the conversation
she said she want to face life squarely cos she just finish varsity and she need’s to get a job
then she said I’m mom boy,that she doesn’t feel we are going to end up married
what should I do
its hard given her space
I’ve message her,call but her response are harsh
Hi, John. Thank you for taking the time to read When She Says She Needs Space. I would focus on yourself and building your confidence. Give her the space and fill your time with finding your hobbies, the things you enjoy. I would really recommend booking a private coaching session to help. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
Your comment heremy girlfriend asked for space cos we haven’t seen each other for 10 months but we communicate well even though I do most of the conversation
she said she want to face life squarely cos she just finish varsity and she need’s to get a job
then she said I’m mom boy,that she doesn’t feel we are going to end up married
what should I do
its hard given her space
I’ve message her,call but her response are harsh
Everything I read here was extremely helpful, thank you so much!
I’ve been dating a girl for a little over two months. I thought was doing the right thing by being there for her and giving what I thought she wanted/needed from a supportive man. She has PTSD and to be honest if it had not been for her meltdowns, show of vulnerability and openness towards me (e.i. “I’ve always been treated badly and get hurt all the time”) I wouldn’t have allowed things to progress as fast and intense as they did. She told me she just needed friends now and she didn’t want anything more than that although the day before she mentioned we were still going to have sex. I am not going to lie I have not handled it 100% great. I have initiated contact the last 2 days and she did twice as well which I kept short. I am still very into her and want to try working things out with her. My fear is that she will move on and because of that fear I want to “act” by messaging her, asking her for a second chance or for a fresh start. I guess that if she does move on then she never truly cared about me. Will giving her the space she needs give me a chance at working things out with her? I already know the answer, but I would like to read your response.
In summary: I acted needy and wanted reassurance when I noticed her pushing me away, then she told me I was pushing her on edge. I became a weak man in front of her. She asked to be just friends and I told her that is not what I wanted. This happened 4 days ago and I have not done the best to give her space because of my fear of losing her. This time has allowed me to reflect on my actions and where I went wrong, I just want a second chance, that’s all.
Hi Apollonia,
This girl whom I like and she likes me, I have been pretty clingy and needy, she said she needs time to think things through, and I told her I will give her the time and space she needs. She immediately replied but telling me what she was going to do throughout her day and then said the following: Anyways okay… Why did she say it like that with the dots at the end? I’m afraid she won’t contact me again, so far I haven’t contacted her for three days, should I look at her Instagram stories since we follow each other? Please help
I was in a 6 year relationship with someone and I ended it. My best friend started to fall in love with me shortly after and I fell for her. We started going out with eachother, things got intimate between one an other, we both said we loved eachother, we met eachothers parents, things were looking good. Then out of the blue the other day she said she needed space and for us to be good friends cause she thinks both of us aren’t ready for any relationship, that she needed to figure herself out. It almost felt like a break up even though we weren’t officially together, I’ve been so upset lately cause she says she wants me and wants a relationship with me but not right now. I can’t help but think someone else is involved or she really needs to just give us time
My ex and I dated for over a year and then got engaged. It was an arraigned type of marriage where the families had set it up. I only mention this because the families were heavily involved from the get go. We got engaged about a year and a half in. During the relationship, the families would often argue over rituals and cultural things; clothing and venue etc. These fights would always affect my ex and I but we always made it work. They were hosting the engagement party and long story short, it was a mess. Completely not what me or my family was expecting. Just not a nice place, food, not much interaction with the families etc. my family and I felt they just didn’t try hard enough. I was very upset and I expressed my anger and disappointment to my fiancé at the time. Her family ended up calling off the engagement. my family requested for all of the engagement gifts along with the ring I gave her, to be returned. I had a friend meet at her house and took everything back.
A few days after that, she reached out and we began to try to fix things. This process of talking went on for about 2 months until I told her That I didn’t want to continue and that I was on apps talking to other girls. I then en outraged her to go on apps and to do her own thing. During that time we still talked here and there but since this was long distance we didn’t talk much. she did come visit me and we spent time together and it was awkward but still enjoyed each other’s company. She left upset because I didn’t tell her I wanted sfo make it work or give her any clear answer.
Fast forward a couple months and I asked her after now 4 months of the engagement being broken, if she would want to make things work. She told me she wasn’t sure and didn’t know. I asked if she was talking to someone and she said she was. This obviously made me want her back even more and brought out the crazy obsessive ex boyfriend in me.
It’s not been 2 months Of us “trying to figure it out” and basically for her to see if she wants to make it work. Lots of damage has been done with the families and the families do not want this to go through. I asked her if she was still talking to this guy and she said she had pulled back since we were talking more and that they’re were still friends. This had upset me that she was still friends and I told her she was basically keeping her options open. I then told her she should stop talking to him if she wants to make things work with me or at least if she’s considering to make it work with me. She then tells me that she doesn’t think there’s any hope for us and says it has nothing to do with the other guy.
Now she tells me the next day that she is lost and confused and just needs space and that she loves me. So I simply said ok and that I love you too. It’s been 24 hours only lol. But I’m losing my mind. I’m trying to respect her wishes but it is very difficult as my brain is going crazy and thinking all the word things. I keep checking her IG even though we aren’t friends lol. I check her WhatsApp status to see when she was on last.
I understand she’s hurt and she’s asking for space but what am I suppose to do?? Any help would be appreciated. Thank you in advance!
Hi Apolloni,
I’ve been with my GF for 16 months now, and everything has been amazing and we always express our feelings always overcome them.
However out of the blue and expected my gf as said she wants a break without really knowing herself why! She said she loves me and wants to be with me, it’s nothing icebox done but she needs space to decide on what she wants. With it being a bolt out of the blue it’s really messed with my head, heart and emotions (l love this woman). I’m giving her the space and following your tips not messaging, texting or contacting her, but I work with her! Not on my team but same office so I see her every day.
She said this is an impulsive decision, and feels she needs to discover why she’s on low self esteem. She has kept this to herself and there been no mention or any expression of her feeling so we can work together to put it right..or try! At first she pretty much said we are done and over but needs space but head over heels in love.
Any tips or advise as I’m giving her space but feel she’s not missing me as she sees me every day in the office ?
Hi Scott. Thank you for taking the time to read When She says she needs space. Keep this in mind, if someone does not love themselves, they CANNOT love someone else. Keep giving her the space. She’s missing you even more because you’re right there in front of her. If / when she approaches you to talk about the relationship, let her know that you support her and it’s great that she’s finding out why she feels this way about herself and you support her journey.
There’s nothing you can do here but sit back. Again, someone who doesn’t fully love themselves, can’t love someone else, not yet.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apolloni,
I’ve been with my gf for a year now. We just celebrated our anniversary last month. Recently we had a fight, she said she wanted to break up and I tried to change her mind. The reason she wanted to break up is because the things I did in the past. I did silly mistakes a year ago when we first got together and we had a big talk after that. She gave me a chance to prove to her that I’m a better person than I was a year ago. So whenever we had an argument or a fight recently, she told me it always made her think about things i did in the past and she doesn’t see herself marrying me in the future. That’s why she wanted to break up. So we had a talk after she wanted to break up. I told her i’m not the same person i was before and I’ve proven for a lot of times and she could see it. But somehow when we had a normal fight as a couple it made her think about the past. So now after we had a talk few days ago, instead of breaking up she said we should take a break and give her space to think about her feelings for the next 7 days. I told her we can work this out. She said she still loves me by heart but her head tells her to break up and move on. I don’t know what i should do the next 7 days. Should i send her subtle messages or anything like that?
Hi Bajunid. Thank you for taking the time to read When She says She Needs Space. She might not be able to let go of the past and keep bringing it up. There’s nothing we can do with that because we can’t control people, right? The only thing we can do is keep showing up for ourself and working on our own happiness and life and let other SEE it. I would give her the space and keep reminding yourself that you are enough, you’re doing the work and you’re not the same person you were.
If there are things that you guys are fighting about that’s reminding her of something you did in the past, then that might be something to look at.
She might not be able to let go of what happened in the past. For the next 7 days, journal, get your thoughts and feelings out that way. Spend some time with yourself and do some self reflecting. See what areas you would like to change to better your life.
Best,
Apollonia
hi apollonia! i’ve been talking to this girl for more than 1 year, i like her and i think she likes me too butwe never met in person. i asked her few times if she wanted to see me and she always said yes, but when i tried to make it happen she kinda said she needed space,probably because i was contacting her more than usual. actually we didn’t talk since 2 weeks…but i don’t know what to do, should i contact her and just be positive and be like: “hey! any news ,how are you ecc”
Hi Jhon. Thank you for taking the time to read When She Says She Needs Space. I would need to know more about this situation but if you’ve never met this girl and you are looking for a relationship, then this does not sound like what you’re looking for.
I would stop contacting and do the no contact here. Try finding girls that want to meet in person because they are out there and they want to meet you!
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
I have been seeing this girl for over 3 months now. We are both from conservative families and things moved fast and we are in a relationship. She is a single mom with excellent family support. We decided that I would meet her family, and once that happens things would move fast towards marriage. I am 100% committed to her and love her, she feels the same on multiple occasions. She did mention at times, that shes scared as she has been single for a long time and things will change when she gets married with her son etc etc. I agreed with her, and consoled and promised to take care of things as needed.
Recently she had some financial issues, which even her family doesn’t know but she shared with me, but would not take my help. She said she needs 2 weeks space to get her head straight about things, the relationship, how much we both want it. She did ask me to plan the trip to meet her family, but she would let me know few days before the trip if she wants me to come meet them.
I have dated enough to know shes very genuine and honest person and a wonderful girl. I love her a lot and want to have a future with her. The 2 weeks space thingy and letting me know few days in advance of the trip to meet her family got me worried? what can I do? I did stop texting/calling her ( We would spend a lot of time earlier texting/calling as we were long distance)
Hi Max. Thank you for taking the time to read When She Says She Needs Space. I would need to know more about your situation but it sounds like you guys are making plans for the future still and giving her space will help. I would give her the space, feel confident with yourself that everything is going to work out and be that rock that she can take the time to clear her head. You’ve got this.
Best,
Apollonia
Thank you very much for your support and kind words.
Of course! Glad I could help!
Best,
Apollonia
This is all such a joke and I’m so sick of playing these stupid mind games…wines always think everything is greener on the other side , nomatter what you do , their never happy… I have my girlfriend 4 years of my life, only to let her do whatever she she wanted with her friends, then she says she needed more space? And then I got ” it’s not about other men”. Funny how when I busted her cheating ass getting out of done other dudes car at the bar you should of seen her face. When a woman days they need space .. their saying” I want to go run around behind your back” is what their saying… I’ve dated so many women and these games are for women that have no clue what they want in life..if s woman says they need more space, dump her ass right then and there!
This is all such a joke and I’m so sick of playing these stupid mind games… women always think everything is greener on the other side , nomatter what you do , their never happy… I gave my girlfriend 4 years of MY life, only to let her do whatever she she wanted with her friends, then she says she needed more space? And then I got ” it’s not about other men”. Funny how when I busted her lieing cheating ass getting out of some other dudes car at the bar you should of seen her face. When a woman says they need space .. their saying” Im lieing and want to go run around behind your back” is what their actually saying… I’ve dated so many women and these games are for women that have no clue what they want in life or who they want to be with..if a woman says they need more space, dump her ass right then and there because she’s a liar and a cheater!
Hi Apollonia,
Me and my girlfriend were in a long distance relationship for 8 months and she honestly felt like she was the love of my life. I think we both started feeling ‘love’ for each other after a few months. Last 2 months we had some issues and kept fighting and I felt this relationship does not make me complete so 2 days after she left my country I broke up with her. Filled with regrets, 3 days later we were together again and then ended up breaking up for good.
She wanted to surprise me with holidays so she booked us a hotel etc and although I initially accepted I then refused to go as I felt our issues would remain after the holidays and it would hurt us more.
We ended up being in the same country for holidays and she refused to see me, we only met at a cafe by accident and I spoke to her. She asked for space which I had abused through my constant text messages a few days prior to this. We then both came back to our different countries and I kept texting her as the regrets were killing me inside. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman and she said we can’t be together now as I rejected her 3 times. She said we might meet again in the future. I sent her some of her stuff that she’d left at my place along with a letter and she sent me a text saying I keep making her smile and when she finds the time she will reply to everything. I have a feeling she’s already dating other people. Obv it’s been 4 months since our break up. I’m now doing the no contact rule and it’s been a week since her last text about my letter and haven’t heard back since. Shall I wait for her to initiate contact? Things are not looking good for us at the moment but I hope the future might be more positive. I really do love her and want to win her back. If not now, then in the future.
Thank you
Chris
Hi Chris. Thank you for taking the time to read When She Says She Wants Space. It sounds like you might have pushed her away. Be careful not to beg and plead for her to come back because that will just push her away more. I would suggest focusing on yourself and making sure that you love yourself on the inside first. Focus on fulfilling your life. I would recommend booking a private coaching session so I can help further. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
Hi so I’ve been dating this girl for just over 4 months, the first 3 months we had a ton of contact, these past 2 weeks tho she has started to distance herself from me and not really talk about what’s going on, she has been saying she wants to be alone lately but every time she does she ends up texting like 5 hours later just saying hi, by the end of the night like 10 she does have convos with me and she tells me some things abt her day, she says it’s been stressful managing school, family and other things, she said she feels alone sometimes and needs some time for her self, she did open up to me yesterday, her parents are divorced and are constantly fighting and wanting each other in jail and her brother has suicidal tendencies, she has been hanging with her friends a ton more, not going out but going to their house, she has been drinking a ton more and sometimes smoking weed a lot more, she never really used to do that, she has been feeling sick these past 2 weeks and lightheaded and I feel like it’s not really a cold just more from anxiety and stress, but overall I have given her more space and sometimes we talk abt what’s going on with her but she kinda avoid the question, I did reassure her that I am always here, and I want to help her through these rough times and she said thank you, what do you think is going on, oh and she recently visited a guy friend and went to his house, she told me that they’re really only friends because she helped him through his tough time when he tried to hang himself, they used to date like 2 years ago for a couple of months, I’m not really worried abt it I just wanna know if that’s normal, I’m just confused and wanna know what to do
Oh and she also kinda hides her phone from me from time to time if I like look over for a second.
I have been dating this amazing woman for 6 months. We have been on trips, going for walks, and doing couple things. We might see each other a couple times a week because of our busy schedules. We will talk everyday and text throughout the day. She told me she loves me several times in the previous months. We have a trip planned for this January which is paid for in advance. Two weeks ago, she stated she had a gut feeling about me and do not think it is going to work. I tried to explore her feelings and ask her what is going on. Every comment she came up with seemed like it was an excuse. When she sat down and told me that she doesn’t think we are going to work, she started crying. I stayed in contact with her and now she is telling me she needed space. I asked her how long and she stated a week. A week will be this Monday. What should I do? Should I contact her or send her flowers?
my gf said that she needs some time to rest/space, and I’m starting to follow your guide, my problem is I’ve hear my gf is flirting with another guy, (confirmed) what should i do?? what should i do if theres another guy having interest with my girl?
hi madam,
i have been in a relationship with a girl since 1 year,and now suddenly she is saying she needs some space as she was in stress,here the point is she recently met with a boy and she is roaming with him,she even going to his room at midnights,so what do i can do now,can i continue talking or simply leave her.
Hi – I enjoyed the article but as always you think your situation is different, so here goes… Im a dad of 2, 7 years divorced. I got in to a serious relationship with someone who had been separated for a year, but only signed the paperwork 1 month prior to dating me – she has a 5 year old and 1 year old. We were together for a wonderful 8 months, when out of the blue she said she couldn’t move forward b/c it was too soon after her divorce. I was devastated. We were so good together, and she acknowledges that but maintains it’s just too soon. She needs to be single, and date others as well, before getting in to something serious. We hooked up once since, but then broke it off a month ago. I told her that should could reach out to me if/when she’s ready. 2 weeks later she messaged me on Bumble asking how I was and how dating was. I was calm and cool and wasn’t specific – I said I was good. She said it’s really hard for her, she’s sorry about ending the relationship and it didn’t reflect how much she cares about me, and she got on Bumble to “Speed things up”. (When we first broke up she said she needed time, but didn’t know how much, and said she would do her best to keep it short). I told her thanks for reaching out and it was great to hear from her and talk to her. She said she agreed that it was nice to talk, and that was it. I then unmatched her, b/c I cant bear to see her on that site. 2 weeks have passed, and now its 2 months since the beginning of this breakup. I realize 2 months still too short of a time period for her to be ready for a serious relationship. She knows I that I still love her and want her back based on prior conversations. Do I just keep waiting it out? btw, i’m living my life, keeping busy, meeting new people (but i’m not interested). Is there a time when I should reach out to her if she hasn’t contacted me? Really appreciate any advice. I’ve never loved someone as much as her, and I feel like I’m making a huge mistake not talking to her.
I know this is a bit complicated. Im 53, married. But im still with my wife who cheats on me. But i have a 24 year old girlfriend of almost 2 years. She was my staff but a few months ago ttansferef to another company. We se ach other almost everyday after work, grab some food and talk for hours and sometimes have a wonderful sex. A week ago, she confided that she needed space to think about our relationship as she suddenly developed conscience. She said that her father is initiating a divorce with her mom as her father wants to get married with his mistress. And her mom is devastated.
She suddenly realized that she is my mistress and feels guilty about causing the collapsed of my marriage. I dont want to tell her that my marriage is on the rocks already even before i met her. She asked me if i dont feel guilty, i did not respond. Instead, i gave in to her request. This happened last saturday. By monday we texted each other but did not see each other since. Tuesday night tried calling her just to clarify things but she dis not answer but replied that she wants a more days to think things over. I again replied “ok if thats what you really need”. and she replied “thank you and to take care of yourself always. Appreciated”. What should be my reply to that? I know that she should be the one to initiate contact first. But i still want to know the terms and conditions of the “space” like how long? Or with messages but no meet ups, or totally no contact?
I love her more than my cheating wife. I know that i should also use this time to focus on my development. Please help me on my next moves with her. Thank you.
Hi Apollonia. I know this is a bit complicated. Im 53, married. But im still with my wife who cheats on me. But i have a 24 year old girlfriend of almost 2 years. She was my staff but a few months ago ttansfered to another company. We see each other almost everyday after work, grab some food and talk for hours and sometimes have a wonderful sex. A week ago, she confided that she needed “space” to think about our relationship as she suddenly developed conscience. She said that her father is initiating an annulment (no divorce) with her mom as her father wants to get married with his mistress. And her mom is devastated.
She suddenly realized that she being my mistress, feels guilty about causing the collapsed of my marriage. I dont want to tell her that my marriage is on the rocks already even before i met her.
She asked me if i dont feel guilty, i did not respond. Instead, i gave in to her request. This happened last saturday. By monday we texted each other but did not see each other since. Tuesday night I tried calling her just to clarify things but she did not answer but replied that she wants a more days to think things over. I replied “ok if thats what you really need”. and she replied “thank you and to take care of yourself always. Appreciated”. What should be my reply to that? I know that she should be the one to initiate contact first. But i still want to know the terms and conditions of the “space”, like how long? Or with messages but no meet ups, or totally no contact?
I love her more than my cheating wife. I know that i should also use this time to focus on my development. Please help me on my next moves with her. Thank you.
Hello so first I want to explain my story before I tell my situation. I am a highschooler currently 16 years and I’m in the eleventh grade. With that said, I have a girlfriend right now which I truly love with all my heart. I’ve known this girl since 7th grade but we only saterted so see each other a few months ago. We have both explained to each other our problems and what we feel for each other, especially things we do that make the other mad. She’s always putting on drama so I always have to go apologize to her just to make her feel better. Recently she said to me that, she thought, there was a possibilty that I didn’t see us as a serious thing. That got me so mad so I had to do something about it to show her that I cared, even though I’ve sacrificed a lot of things for her. That same night I sent her my notes of how I felt everyday we were together, but only just the note of one day. After she read that, she hasn’t spoken to me ever since and I asked her the day later if she needed space and she said yes. Now we haven’t talked in three days and I know that doesn’t seem so long but to me it is, especially because I worry there is a chance we might get seperated after high school. The note had some pretty harsh things and some deep truths but it was the truth and she always asked for the truth but now that she knows it, she simply couldn’t handle it. Am I wrong to try and fix things fast since it’s possible we don’t have much time? or am I just supposed to suck it up and be a man. Please don’t say I’m to young to worry about things like this because I really do love her, deeply.
This came handy, going through similar situation.
It’s really tough! I’ll continue to reflect on this counsel.
Appreciated!
Hi
I met a girl and we have been dating past 2,3 months then one say i decided to say those magical words i love you.so i took her to cafe and share my feeking via some shkrt letters and small quoted gifts.then she accept and we had some kiss .but after that day she started ignoring me.then i decided to aske her whats the problem. She said she loves me but confused about me.then we had some short arguments. Then after i said her lets forget about all the things .can you answer me do you want to be stay with me or not.she said i don’t know i want to be with you or not.please give me some time leave me alone for a while.
And i said okay take your time.so my question is will she ever tell me or not or should wait for a while to text her whats up going in her mind.
Hello sir
My gf needed space and i given it to her she asked for one week and I responded to take care of herself and i will miss you and will wait for your txt then she said thank u and i replaid you welcome my love,
Now my question is for how long i wait ?
Will she get back to me ?
And wht steps i should to do because i have the 3 things u have mentioned
Iam available for her all the time .
I want to talk to her every waking minute .
And im needy too.
What should i do now?
Hi Sam, thank you for taking the time to read When She Says She Needs Space. This completely depends on why the space was needed. Like you mentioned, if you’re smothering her too much and seeking validation through her, having her make you feel better… I would suggest at least 3 weeks to 1 month no contact, and yes, she will reach back out.
In the meantime, work on finding happiness inside of yourself and not making someone else responsible for how you feel. Focus on your hobbies, your life, building that up and fulfilling that. Look up affirmations and do those daily. (“I am enough. The right people stay in my life and I am always protected” is a great one) https://www.apolloniaponti.co/neediness-seminar-nai
You can do this! Refocus on yourself and falling in love with yourself.
Wishing you the best,
Apollonia
Hey, i have known this girl for a year now and she doesn’t label it as love but we subconsciously acknowledge how close we are to each other, we are always texting and video calling and we tell each other we miss each other efc, however a few months we fell out and she told me she is leaving me for good, i will admit i can be horribly needy but I’m good at suppressing it, but when she said she’s leaving i unleashed my neediness and she left, but after some days she came back and we got good again, this time i started being less available and I deliberately resisted complimenting her and being overly available and i saw that it made her appreciate my presence more and she kind of seemed to fish for compliments and even ask if i missed her etc, everything was going fine with her and we met last week and had a good time but a day or two later she was hit with stress due to family and personal issues and she got suicidal also, and she told me she needs me to go forever and doesn’t want anything to do with me etc, i shall admit i became slightly needy again and sort of begged her to stay, so we came to an agreement that we shall not talk for a week because she needed alone time, but I unfortunately messaged her again and that sparked her anger and she again said to me i need to go away forever and I don’t bring her happiness, all i do is stress her out, which isn’t true and i took it from what she said that her emotions are clouded by extreme anxiety, however because i kind of begged her to stay, she swore at me but stayed and I haven’t messaged her since then, she says she wants to leave but i see that she still sends me blank photos on snapchat, I don’t know why she does that? Does that mean she’ll come back, it’s scary giving her space because my insecurity tells me she’ll get used to being happy without me, but i get reassurance from the fact that she sends these blank snaps, maybe to notify me that she’s still there? Will she come back? And Shall i keep on ignoring her and keep zero contact to allow her to restore her mental health and appreciate me again?
Sorry for prolonging the question, thank you for taking your time out to read this question and i look forward to hear from you, thanks.
Hello,
Hope you are able to reply to this. A little over a month ago, I began to see someone I longed for for quite sometime. I began speaking to her earlier this year and we were going to go out but because something was mentioned to her that I “said” (which wasn’t true), she opted out. I didn’t know what happened until a few months later. I assumed she just changed her mind. She was seeing someone sometime after we had spoken but stopped 4 months or so ago. We ran into each other once and she was very happy to see me. I then saw her again at a party and we didn’t say anything at first. I overheard she was single and made myself known. We spoke, were playful, etc. I knew she felt the same as I did.
The biggest obstacle for me was that my ex is a cousin of hers and I didn’t know how to proceed. My ex is no longer in my life and is romantically involved with someone else, but it was still a difficult decision. Plus, I felt i was breaking the rules by reaching out to someone that rejected me twice instead of her reaching out to me. I decided to contact her and it was apparent again she felt the same. I set up a date. We went out and everything was great. The chemistry was there. We spoke about very private things about each other and our family. Everything was happening naturally and just falling into place. We spoke about what we wanted (a partner & marriage) but that we couldn’t set those kind of expectations on the first date. She also asked if her cousin and i dated. I said yes and she said she didn’t care and that it’s in the past. We went out once more and we bonded much more, she couldn’t stop touching me at some point, we dug more into ourselves and she voiced concerns if it didn’t work out in regards to how we would behave. She mentioned it because her ex is a co worker of hers that she always sees and she regrets ever doing it; her cousins and I are close so it’s also why she mentioned it. I felt really unsecure about everything once she kept voicing concerns but wanted to reassure her nothing of the sort would happen and I wasn’t like other men. she stated she hoped I wasn’t. We both were looking for something with each other; everything felt right like never before; we were very intimate with one another. I took her home, we kissed, and all was well. We wanted to see each other again. A few days later, I sparked up a chat before setting another date and randomly told me she didn’t think it’d work out because what happened with her cousin didn’t sit right with her and that it hit her once we kissed; she said maybe we can be friends and that she wanted to tell me before it went any further. I simply said if she changed her mind, to let me know cause i still want to go out. However, everything felt how it did earlier in the year, as if someone said something. I couldn’t get it out of my mind so i contacted her a few days later and she sounded really eager/happy to hear from me and said she didn’t expect me to reach out anymore. I voiced my thoughts on the whole matter on whether someone said something and if so, to tell me since we have been very honest; if noone did, I simply told her that I wanted to make things work and didn’t care what anyone said and I’d be there with her on whatever she face; she is 29 and i am 26. She told me she wasn’t afraid and its true she didn’t care until she kept thinking about it and it felt wrong. I let her know there was nothing wrong with it considering we both were looking for a partner and we never intended for it to be how it is; it just happened to be with one another. She also said that she realized she isn’t ready for the commitment and that after her break up 3 months prior to us dating, she wanted time to herself/me time. She didn’t want me to wait for her and to have hope for something that may not happen again; she acknowledge it was corny for her to say that it wasn’t me, it’s her, but that it’s how it is. And that if we linked up in the future and did something together, that it’s fine. I accepted it and told her I felt the same after the last person I attempted to pursue in regards to time for myself. So, I told her we’ll take time to ourselves and see where it goes/we’ll have our me time and see what happens (i said both). She said she would like that. We had a short convo right after and ended the talk. I did briefly message her about an IG story she posted the next day but it was a brief exchange between us. I didn’t think there was anything wrong since everything was amicable, but I didn’t say anything after.
A week later, i was invited to her house by her cousin (my friend) so we can drop off a b-day gift for her sister. I didn’t want to go because of our agreement, but decided to go for her sister (we are cool with one another). So the day of, my friend tells me she asked if it was ok if i went and my interest’s sister said it wasn’t; my interest had said she needed her space right now; i wasn’t mad or anything. I was a little bummed out but understood considering i felt the same to begin with. Social media wise, we still watched our stories. She seems great and i see her hanging out; I want her to be okay. A few days after she said she needed space, she liked a post of mine. I figured it was her way of saying that it’s ok to contact her (the way I did when i messaged her regarding her ig story). Personally, I realized i did needed that time to myself to work out some stuff I felt I was done with. I took a quick getaway with my friends and enjoyed it. I’ve made posts on social media about it. I’ve even booked a flight to los angeles for some time alone. However, I don’t know how to proceed. I don’t know if i should let her contact me or if its ok for me to do so and if I should even set up a casual date or anything. Ironic since Im the one that alluded it was okay after our convo and she gave me like a few days after saying she needed space. I don’t know if it’s over either. I wouldn’t like it to be. Can you help?
Hi my name is Mark I have this girlfriend who I was really interested in so she asked for space because she said I was needy and clingy, so I walk away from her when she asked for space and it has been 4 months now since she asked for space but before she asked me for space she told me that she was going to stay away but she we call me but now it been 4 months no Contact what should I do to get her back
Hi Mark. Thank you for taking the time to read When She Says She Needs Space. I would need to know more about your situation but I would suggest taking a photo of something that reminds you of her… like maybe a type of flower that you happen to be walking back… something that might even be a funny inside joke… or maybe you guys played tennis and had a great time laughing, and you just passed by a huge wall full of tennis photos. Send it to her and say something like “Just saw this and smiled thinking of you. Hope you’re well.”
And just see… if she opens up the conversation, great, if not, great. You can move on. Just continue to work on yourself and fulfilling your life and working through the neediness and insecurity. I would suggest the Overcome Your Neediness and Insecurity Seminar https://www.apolloniaponti.co/neediness-seminar-nai28405071
Wishing you the best,
Apollonia
Hey so my girlfriend and I had a huge fight recently. I’ve been overwhelmed by my job and college, and one night she really needed me and I wasn’t there for her because I told her I would’ve probably been no help. I needed help myself at that time and I was trying to put myself first for once and trying to stay happy. I realized afterwards how much of a mistake that was. We have been together for over 2 years now and she claims that I am the love of her life and I believe it as well. She told me she needed some space, and she is still hurt from the fight and needs time to heal. I’m gonna try your advice but I have a question for you. Do you think she will ever completely heal and trust me to be there for her again? I’ve been there for her so many times I can’t even count. This time was huge and I really let her down. We both are fighting depression, but I just wanna be there for her and I feel lost without her. Can this all go back to the way it was if I focus on me until she contacts me? Thanks in advance :/
Hey AD, thank you for taking the time to read When She Says She Needs Space. Yes she can learn to trust you again, it just takes time. And you have to remind yourself of that… it’s just going to take time, but you know it will happen so just go slow. What you DON’T want to do is start going into “proving” or “fixing” things… if you put her on a pedestal and start putting her needs before your own… you will become desperate and needy, and she will run away.
Keep balance. You can still value yourself and keep your priorities AND earn her trust back and show her that she can lean on you and you can be there for her.
If you need more guidance, I would suggest a private coaching session https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
Hi
Hope I could get a reply.
I’ve been dating this girl for 4 months now, so it’s been short, but after 2 months I got got up in work and I complained about so many things, turning myself into a monster, every argument I had to win and well, 2 weeks ago, after I had not seen her for a week since I worked night shifts, she said she needed space and that I need to think about what this relationship means to me. I got so afraid, that I might lose her. I went through a lot of troubling times and eventually we decided to just text good morning and have a little chat in the evening, but I didn’t know what to do. Now I’ve reflected upon myself, I saw my faults, I blamed the world for our lack of time to see each other when I was the one that chose this job and chose to date her, I have to find the balance, and further I started training again, fixing my woodwork machine, I’ve doing a lot and I feel so much more happier, confident and just amazing, yet we still talked, and then I told her last night, after she said that she still doesn’t feel ready to see me, that maybe we should not talk at all, cause I was the knife and by talking to me we’re just opening the wound and not healing it, she felt like she didn’t want to break all contact, but I’m trying to break it.
How do I handle it when she wants to talk a bit but not meet me during this time? She feels uncertain about the relationship, she said that she felt something growing as we spent more time together, but after I changed she started to feel nothing, as she’s feeling now, is there still hope to rekindle the relationship?
hello my fiance of 2 months been together for 4 years told me 2 days after Christmas she wanted her space. I was giving her space and then she soad she wanted a break cause she had so much fun without me.
we both hurt each other and I am willing to work on it but she doesn’t know anymore. we have 3 kids together. 1 of our own and I took on 2 bonus kids.
she says she just wants to find herself and be with the kids. I just am heartbroken and I am going to counseling to fix my mistakes. I just need to know if its truly over she says she loves me and this will be better for us in the long run.
My girl friend and I were so happy together we loved each other and we’re there for each other. She has had a cold for about a week and I also know her dad needs surgery. She said she needed space 2 days ago and honestly my heart is breaking because she means the world to me. I know I need to be confident and respect her wishes but it is very hard
My girlfriend and I dating for 2 and half years broke up a week ago.she told me she needs some space to figure out her feelings and she wasn’t sure about our relationship.. It happened during tis month.. I think I was being too insecure or needy.. And she said she might be making a mistake but she just needs to figure tis one by herself.. I didn’t plead for her to stay… I textd her once or twice after breakup but I am giving her space now.. What would you advice me?
So Ive been with my girlfriend for 6 months (mother of 4 but still has lives with her ex husband of 9 years but he knows about me and he is also in his relationship with his girlfriend and the kids know me as well 3 teens and 8 year old, working mother as well” both have served in the military as well and so have I, only reason she hasn’t gotten her own place is because she doesn’t have the credit due his debt became hers as well which they have bad credit now when applying for a home) and 2 of those months I unfortunately went to jail for a DUI, before that everything was great. When I was in jail I gave the option that its ok to leave me because Im no good while in jail. But she did not go anywhere and stuck it with me knowing that I lost my job and it was going to be a little difficult to get myself back on my feet. While I was in jail she was always so supportive and sent me money when she didn’t need to and I just feel in love with her even more because I saw how great she is, I feel for her more than she has with me (im the type that wears my heart in my sleeve. So while I was in there she came to visit me with my family that she got to meet, we would talk on the phone everyday, when money was low she would send it for phone calls, we made plans to move in together with the kids, she was going to help out on focusing on what I had to do to progress, she was just great! I got out, we went for a week Stay-cation with the kids to Great wolf lodge which was a great time and she paid for everything even food but it was ok with her, pretty much we she was all about me and talked on the phone and texted even when she went to visit her family to Kansas we facetime on the phone every day and every night with the kids as well. But then New Years Eve came and it was the first time I stayed over her house with the kids and her ex wasn’t there so we all thought “why not spend New Years together”. Later on that day her ex husband popped up and thats the first time I met him which everything was civil between us and was ok with me being there. But I suddenly just became distant and upset because he showed up. I felt jealous, insecure, upset which she saw and said if I needed to go home to just think stuff through but I said I was ok when we both saw I obviously wasn’t. But we went out and spent New Years together anyway. She dropped me off back home and we said we loved each other and kissed which by that time I was in a better mood and understood I over reacted. Next day comes and she just got completely distant which is the first time I’ve seen and even snapped at me that its about ME ME ME. I apologized and gave her space. The next day she apologized but I said its ok that she had every reason but still now became distant. Three days later its the same and she does call me and I answer or her 8 year calls me too which I answer as well but we don’t talk like we used to when I was in jail, or before and after. I asked if we are ok and she said YES but to take a step back and perhaps tone it down on the lovey dovey stuff. which I said ok and like I said I haven’t called but do pick up the phone when she calls because I am trying to give her what she wants. She also mentioned that she feels like maybe she was in her feelings in the moment when we talked about moving in together, meeting and talking about me to her parents and getting to meet them. So I really don’t know what to do? Or how to go about it? She has days off but doesn’t call as she would be. I just need help!, During this time I have found a job without her knowing to show im being proactive, but I feel like her seeing I couldn’t get a job was a factor turning her off as well. Is there any advice sir?
Hey am asaph my girlfriend asked for space bt I don’t know what to do
Hi Nasasira. Thank you for taking the time to read when she says she needs space, here’s what to do. I would recommend giving her the space. It just depends on why the space was needed in the first place. If you feel like you’re being dependent on her for your own happiness then I would suggest pulling back, don’t contact her, let her reach out to you… and focus on building your life right now. Do the things that make you happy and fulfill you from within. That’s the most important and attractive to a woman. Let her reach out to her. After 30 days you can reach out to her and see how she’s doing and go from there. But right now, focus on building your confidence again and really doing the work on yourself. See what’s needed.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi I recently met this girl that was super into me and was super attracted to me I had no doubt that the relationship is gonna go further we had no fights that would make things trouble in paradise. I’ve known her for about two and half months and we’ve haven’t been Abel to stay away from each other for more than two days. She was very affictionate and caring. She also bright me around her family on Christmas and told her mom how she’s so serious about me and ready to spend the New Years with me. We got in a little fight which looked like she was putting her frustrations on me and she dropped me off at my car than I txted her as I was driving back home and said can we talk about this and she replied immediately and turned around to talk to me. She sat in the car with me and began crying saying “ she hates her job and where she lives and her car is damaged and stuff” I told her to not worry about the small things and just stay focused on her self and be happy with everything she has in life. I woke up the next day and said” sorry for last night being weird” she replied that she “was so happy that she can share things like with me and that now she knows I’m here for her and she can count on me for anything and that she will be here for me as well” this was a week before christmas. Two days after Christmas she begins txting weird and I said is everything okay she says no but I’ll figure it out. I then told her that if she needs anything let me know I’m here for her is you want to talk about anything. Her respond was no thank you I don’t need any pointers I only can do that, so I let be. She then says she needs space so I said ok. Well she would txt me goodnight and goodmorning and how my day was going. I took that as she’s feeling better now. So I tried to dig deeper and she says that she thought she was ready for a relationship and she did really like me and how I might now think that she led me on. She hasn’t blocked me yet on any social platform. Her profile pic on fb was still up along with my comments saying how pretty she was and her reply of “thank you honey bunz followed by kissy emojis” so I have her a couple days and I pushed more than she unfriended me and stopped following me on all social platforms but profile pic is still up with the comments. I txted her multiple times and tried calling I’m not blocked but it shows she’s reading all my txts without her replying back so I’m pretty confused along with the whole space thing. Her famiLy won’t tell me what’s going on and they are still friends with me on fb along with her mom and sister and uncle. Moral of the story is she originally said she’s overwhelmed and didn’t feel right sharing whatever it is with me and that’s just how she felt later on followed by she not ready to be in a relationship even tho she let me know countless times how she’s falling for me and now she quit her job where She worked for three years. I have a feeling she Pershing her feeling from the talk before Christmas but why would she say she’s so comfortable with me and willing to share anything with me to only counter dictate her own words.
Hey Matt, thank you for taking the time to read when she says she needs space, here’s what to do. It sounds like this girl has a lot of baggage and is not actually emotionally available. The relationship went very quickly. At around 2 months, that’s when you’re just starting to actually get to know someone. This girl seems like she is up and down and might not even fully love herself. I would really back up. She’s acting this way because I think she might have either mental health problems or she’s a love addict. You guys went really fast. Give this space. Pull way back and start focusing back on yourself because it sounds like you might have started to lose yourself in this relationship. You need time with friends and hobbies, those are important in relationships. I would look up Attached by Amir Levine… this is going to help with even more clarity. Know your boundaries and remember, your happiness is your responsibility… and her happiness is hers. You cannot fix each other. Pull back. Focus on yourself again, let her come to you and go slow here. I think there’s some underlying issues she’s going through.
If you need more coaching I would suggest booking a private coaching session.
best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
Thanks for your blog
Me and my girlfriend were in a relationship for last 1 year and recently she said she doesn’t love me anymore hence
It will be better for both of us to stay separate. Now i have few things to share with you. We both live in different cities and twice a month we used to meet. I work where she’s doing phd and this is a last year for her. She’s a dynamic student and always been a great at studies. We used to discuss so many things together like what we will do in future, about marriage and getting settled. Sometimes she used to get freak out hearing about marriage and stuff but later on she used to understand it. We spent a lovely time together and went to travel 5-6 countries together. In our daily routine we used to video call chat over text and call each other 3-4 times a day. Before this relationship i was passionate about travelling and mountaineering but once she started dating me i kind of gave my all attention to her. She used to tell me that one thing she liked about me is my passion. I know in last one year i kind of forget about my passion as all the time i used to think about her because we only used to meet twice a month. In December we met and we discussed about my insecurities as i used to get worried sometimes because she never used to talk about marriage and stuff But in December we sorted out everything and in the third week she left for Australia to meet her brother as she was meeting him after 2 years. Everything was going fine we were not able to talk much which i understood she used to share pictures daily. Before last day when she was coming back i sensed she is not behaving normal so i asked her what is the matter, she said she is worried about future and that’s where i got really tensed i asked her tell me what happened but she said once she’s back she will talk to me. When she came back she said she wants to talk to me and she’s stressed i understood what she’s gonna talk about as there were no emotions at all. Friday that week i went to meet her she saw me and didn’t smile even once earlier when she used to meet me she used to hug me tightly but now everything was different and it was hurting me a lot. We sat in front of each other and then she told me she doesn’t want this relationship because she doesn’t love me anymore. She said i am her stress and i give her stress hence she thinks it’s not a healthy relationship. We both cried sitting next to each other. She’s emotionally very strong where i am very emotional. I told her we can work it out and i will do whatever is required despite my several request she didn’t change her mind. In the end she said she needs space and atleast need 2-3 weeks time to think but she also told me that doesn’t mean she will come back to me. Since then i am not feeling good, i cried several times as everything reminds me of her. I came back home but her thoughts are not stopping. Sometimes i think ”is this not bothering her? ” doesn’t she feel the same way and how is this possible that a girl who was telling me that she was missing me few days back now don’t love me anymore? I am very much hurt and don’t know how will i get over it. Please help me Apollonia understanding is she going to come back or not. I thought to text her but everyone told me not to text her and call her but i am thinking if i don’t text and call her, will this not pull her apart from me? Is she going to contact me or not?. Today is the day we met for the first time and i feel so helpless. I wanna contact her and send her that picture when we met first but everyone is telling me not to do that. What’s left now despite of loving and caring for so much she left me, this is creating thoughts in my mind that what i am going to do now, i am useless, what i will do in future now and what if she will date someone else all these bad thoughts are coming in my mind now. Please please help me. I am going into depression day by day.
Apologies for long text
Thanks,
Kumar
I have been with my Girlfriend for just over two years she just told me she needs space and a break from the relationship because she needs to work on her. She has been struggling with alcohol and she thinks with this break she can focus on her and being a better person for us. She says we are not breaking up just on a break. But I have negative thoughts that run through my head. Not sure how to handle this.
Hi there. So recently, my GF was going through a stressing phase and everything became kinda different. The reason behind her stress won’t go away soon though without getting in details. I tried my best to be there, but I was sometimes showing as much affection as I could, the other times I’m pretty dry/cold because of her replies honestly, and she came up recently asking for a break to clear things up between us. I just wanna know what to do at this point, she texted me twice in 3 days after the break to see how am I doing and if everything is alright. I just wanna know what to do from here.
Me and my gf is 3 months now, and lately ive been thinking alot of things because if i saw her chatting some one she dont want me to see it because she saids its privacy. I ask her about his chat mate and she said to me that its his friend a male friend and i ask her if what type of chatting is she doing with that guy,, she said sweet convo, i said why? It hurts. Whats wrong with that its only sweet she said its just a little thing and after a couple of minutes she said that she only said that because its me that i wont stop asking her about that guy..what do i do?? I love her😩😩😩plsss helpppp..she said that change your mind were having a cool off
I was in a relationship for 7 yes and we had 2 kids together. The last 3 years the relationship has been long distance with me flying every quarter to see her and the kids. We would argue allot and we were not on the same page with the communication. I admit I wanted to make sure we both loved each other so I would ask her every 3 months. I flew to spend time with her and the kids for Christmas and New year’s this year and she told me loves, she is in love with me but it is not as strong as what is used to be. I asked her what happened? She said she does not know. When 2020 came in and I had to come back home I told her we can have a clean slate and work on things between us and fix them she agreed. When she dropped me to the airport she gave me a few kisses, told me she loved me and I said 2020 is going to be our year she said we will see. 24hrs later she called me to tell me she is confused and does not know what she wants right now and she needs her space to figure things out. My emotions immediately took over and I began to beg and plead for her not to do that. I tried reaching out to her almost everyday since then even when I would call to talk to the kids. You could hear the annoyance in voice her voice. My last contact with her was when I was in the hospital this week and she told me she would call me back but I never heard from her. I have not contacted her since. Can I win her back or have I lost her for good?
Hi Mario,
Thanks for your comment and I know it can be a difficult time. Something happened that made her disconnected from you. I would encourage you to book a coaching session here so we can help. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
Hello. I am 29 years old, a nursing student. I have been dating a women i absolutely love for 7 years. We have been broken up for 5 months now. She makes great money, bought her own house and works full time. I am a full time student who studies alot and works 2 days a week. We broke up for several reasons, but mainly because I didn’t pay as much attention to her as i should have. When we first broke up i was fine, but 5 months later I am missing her like crazy. I have done a lot of thinking about out relationship during our break up. We talked on the phone for the first time last night and I apologized for my wrong doings. I treated her like crap towards the end. I regret it so much. She said she will always love me and she misses me also. She also said she needs more time to heal from the damage of our relationship. I am scared im going to lose her for good. What do I do? I plan on giving her space that she needs, but what if she forgets about me? Do i just let it be and hope she contacts me in the near future and hope she doesn’t find somebody else?
Hey, I’ve been spending time with a girl over the past few months pretty often. She knows I have feelings for her, but we still hang out. We still did same type of stuff. Made plans for that week. I texted her Monday night after work. Then got the needs space text. I didn’t message her back at all from that message. Then about 10 days later I felt bad I didn’t message her. So I apologized for being so pushy to do stuff and that I respected her needing space. Told her if she needed anything I’m there for her. I didn’t get a response. Did I mess up the situation by texting her at all? That was the only one I sent and will send unless she initiates, I just felt like a jerk for not responding in the first place after she asked for space.
Thanks!
Hey Richard, you might have put her on a pedestal too fast and you got attached without taking the time to really get to know her. I would focus back on yourself and work on building your confidence and falling in love with yourself. Reach Attached by Amir Levine and do 30 days no contact. You can message her after that but do the work on yourself to find your happiness and self worth from within… not from someone else.
Best,
Apollonia
Ok so me and this girl met up on tinder for the first couple of weeks we just texted and really couldn’t get any where with her but after we face timed for a week we went out and had a blast i told her that i had a great time and she told me that same night we hung out that she wanted to see me again so i did after 4 days went by we went out again. We had fun again and after that she just got busy and we still continued to face time everyday for those 2 weeks. she would initiate contact with me she told me that stuff has been pretty rough at home with her parents. So i went over without telling her and her and her mum pulled me inside and we sat and talked for a bit before they had to leave. Then this following week i did the same went over didn’t tell her i was we went outside and talked for a bit told me that stuff has only gotten worse and i held her in my arms. she told me before i left that she knows that we haven’t face timed for a while and she wanted to that night. later that night i messaged her if she still wanted to and she said she couldn’t so i said this “i understand hope you guys get some rest goodnight” and she wrote me a whole paragraph of how i was upset with her so the next day i went over again without telling her to explain to her that i wasn’t upset. once she explained to me i stood there even though she told to leave a couple of times and just talked because i just wanted to show that i care about what’s going on she told me she didn’t want to be touched but yet i still nagged her for a couple times for a hug. She gave me her hand at the end and i told her that i only came to explain that i wasn’t upset with her. As soon as i left i realized that i messed up i should have left the first time she told me and that she didn’t want to be touched and i still didn’t follow with what she asked from me. she messaged the next day on how i couldn’t be showing up like that and i scared her. trust me I knew that i messed up and stepped out of line and was completely out of character my intentions weren’t bad i just wanted to be there for her since i know that things are rough at home. she asked for space between me and her for a while i just don’t know how much. I also did reach out to her after four days and asked if we could talk she told that she didn’t feel like it. My friends that have gone through these situations and that have been dating with there partners far longer than i have with anyone told me to message her so I did. But they also told me to tell her how i felt if she didn’t want to talk. I do come off as a bit needy and yes what i did was wrong on so many levels but before any of that happened i would tell her how i’ve got a crush on her and that i really like her she would also say the same to me we she would put this big smile when she would say that and i wasn’t looking. I just don’t want to lose her and maybe i will tell her how i feel because trust me she’s so different from all the other girls that i’ve talked to. I haven’t even kissed her yet because i didn’t want to her feel like i’m taking advantage of her because if the situation at home damn i didn’t think i would catch feelings like this for someone especially on tinder. It’s only been a mont and a half since we first started talking. What should i do?
Thank you for taking the time to read when she says she needs space. I think we might have put her on a pedestal fast and now we’re trying to be the savior. She doesn’t sound like she’s able to date or be in a relationship right now and maybe she was just on tinder and dating to escape the chaos of her situation. I would need more information but give this girl space. If you keep reaching out to her and showing up at her house, she’s going to feel extremely unsafe and like you don’t listen to her.
She asked for space for a reason.
Pull back, focus on you, your happiness, self-esteem and self-worth come from inside of YOU not from other people. If you’re basing your self-esteem or validation on someone else, they’re going to feel pressured.
It is way too soon to tell her your feelings for her and it’s also not showing emotional awareness because she’s dealing with things. Pull back. You’re putting a lot on her.
I would suggest booking a private coaching session if you need more help through this.
Best,
Apollonia
Hey apollonia, I am 19 and have been dating my girlfriend 4 years now and she is 17, she has been having a hard time getting through her senior year and is going through a rough patch. I have always made sure to be there for her and give her my support. I love her so much and want to be with her and only her, she just recently called and told me she needs space I respected this and we came up with an agreement of us texting eachother “good morning babe”, “goodnight babe”, I asked her how her day was and she called and said she needed a break, it was an emotional phone call between the both of us and it ended with her saying that it isnt me, she just needs time, and that she loves me and will call when she is ready. I have been giving her space for a day now and respecting that and will continue to do so but I just miss her so much and can’t stop thinking about when she will come back to me, it hurts not being able to talk to my best freind and love, can you tell me what I can do to get her back fast please?
Hey Jaden. Thank you for taking the time to read when she says she needs space. It sounds like you might have put your emotions, self-esteem and self-worth on her… and keep seeking validation from her and the relationship.
That’s too much pressure to put on someone!!!! Your happiness, self-esteem, self-worth are YOUR responsibility. I would suggest focusing on you and how your life is and what areas you can improve on for balance. Get hobbies, make time with friends. Find the things that make you happy for YOU. You need these things. Look up “interdependent relationship.”
I would also get the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie.
Give her space. Focus on you and being more emotionally balanced. Women need that. If you’re too needy, she feels responsible for your emotions, and she’ll back away because it’s too much pressure.
I would book a private coaching session if you need more help, but you’ve got this. Read the book, focus on you. Deep breaths.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Appollonia,
I started dating my girlfriend 7 weeks ago. We started off slowly and it intensified over the past few weeks. She had been in a very abusive marriage till mid of last year and has not been with anyone until we started going out in December of last year. We both feel like that we have a soul mate connection. So until this past Friday, everything was very good and then Saturday morning she started having concerns. It was clear to me that she is aware that we are about to develop a serious relationship. She texte me later that night that she is thinking about what she went through in her past relationship and told me that she has a lot fears and anxieties. Our emotions have been very strong for each other. Not clongy or being pushy. We always told each other that we are not playing any games. We have been very honest and open book-like with each other. I tried calling but she didn’t pick up and she wrote in her last text that she needs time clear her mind and think. I just sent a response with good night and I love you and have not contacted her since..Giving her time. I am not even on social media and viewing her stories or anything..I actually took time away from social media and keeping myself preoccupied..Any suggestions?
Hey Nathan. Thank you for taking the time to read When she says she needs space. That’s actually great that you did that. If she messages you later on and mentions it and says “I’m sorry… I just”… just tell her “It’s okay. You have things you have to walk through. Take your time. If you need to talk anything out, I’m here.”
You’re actually handling this really well. The thing is… she JUST got out of an abusive MARRIAGE. This means there’s a reason she got into that marriage to begin with… 5 or 6 months isn’t enough time to really heal from it… it’ s going to take time. Focus on your life and continuing to fulfill yourself and make yourself happy. It’s up to her to be able to walk through her fears and anxieties and go to you and talk to you about them and be open again. To walk past her fears. All you can do… keep being you and keep going. You’re doing great.
best,
Apollonia
Hi my name is manjunath i m from INDIA. My girlfriend said she needs some time i said okay , respect your decisions then again she said me we can talk i said okay. The reason for why she needs some time i asked her she said i m adjusting and compromising the things bcz of her in my life which she says you dont need to compromise or adjust. As you said give space dont call , dont text okay i ll do that but do you think after doing this all she will come back ? and one more thing her bday is there on 15th Feb can i send her some flowers and wish her Happy Bday ?
Hi my girlfriend and I have been dating awhile now. This morning she told me she wants space, we had a fight the other day and I know I was wrong. I really love her from the bottom of my heart. I also know that I have been clingy too. Now that she told me that am scared of loosing her. I don’t know what to do, I seem to be loosing my MIMD please help.
I have a question me and my wife been together for 15 years Married for 6 years I caught her having a emotional affair with a ex that is locked up for 40 years and I put her out after I put her out there was no contact for a few days because she was calling me and I was ignoring her so she came knocking on our door I let her in and we was talking and she said she was trying to fix the relationship we going on our third week now she haven’t came back home but she calls 6 to 7 times every day and we have a 16 month daughter she said she was doing what she was doing because she felt I was treating her bed and she said she wanted me to feel her pain and I don’t understand where she coming from with this I know we had a problem because when my daughter was born I am a truck driver and I went to go sleep in the other room and we agreed today and I will come in on the weekends but I continue to stay in the other room and I Houma another bargain and she got mad with me NFL does do I was lying to her and I didn’t want to come in a room with her and this one on a half until I’ve caught her on the phone talking to the guy from jail so now she act like she not in no Harry to cone back home talking about she don’t feel comfortable But since this happened she have been over to stay the night three times has sex with her once so how you don’t feel comfortable if you to been over and slept with me in the bed with nothing in that time and now I am to the point where I am tired of playing this game I told her the other day either she come back home and we go to marriage counseling and try to fix this or we’re not because when I told it is it’s like she never responded she danced around what I was saying and then we supposed to go out this week so I don’t understand what she doing at this point and right now I just feel like i am ready to cut off all contact and deal with her mother far as my daughter just don’t understand her angle right now if you don’t want to be married why keep calling 5 to 7 times a day checking up on me and get mad if I don’t answer when she call
Hey Devonta. Thank you for reading When she says she needs space, here’s what to do. It sounds like we’re making boundaries and then breaking them. We teach people how to treat us. If you’re not holding to your boundaries and sleeping with her… that’s on you. You’re showing her that it’s okay to keep doing the same behaviors over and over again, why would she change? You’ve shown her you only remove her from your life for a couple of days. It sounds like you both need space to work on yourself and what your values and standards are and for her, her learning how to love herself and not look outside of the relationship.
Actually take the time to work out your issues and find your happiness from within. If you keep caving because you feel lonely… nothing changes if nothing changes.
Best,
Apollonia
Great blog and YouTube been watching for a while thanks –
Question- a week before Valentine’s Day my girlfriend 34 and i am 47 of 5 months (she never liked labels and said not call anything)said she MIGHT be going to stay with family as father birthday a few days before, but even before she mentioned this I said like to see her on Valentines day-
the day before V Day i texted her (she never talks on phone) she said she told me she was staying with parents. Then Valentine’s Day came and went without even a message from her no happy V day nothing so the next day I messaged her and this is when she said this ” This is getting ridiculous (i only sent really 2-3 texts) we need some space , i can’t deal with this i feel smothered – i am not being rude or harsh this is to intense”- ( So I gave space for a week and since been learning how to be better and less needy etc as maybe I was a tiny bit needy didn’t text much during week normally but spent most weekends together saturday morning to monday morning – I am a cabinet maker so I made stuff for her did DIY , bought flowers etc . She did say this once before when travel together for 5 weeks in Asia she said maybe we should be friends and she is not right for me – I said no thanks I have no interest in only friends – since then was ok – obviously since I was to needy and smothering and learning not to through sites like this , books etc , think fairly confident maybe not enough – I contacted her 1 week after said I am learning about this stuff can we meet for short date – she replied she still Feels smothered and REGardless she thinks something missing so I didn’t contact her again . now 4 days after last contact .(i dont intend to contact her unless she contacts me first)
But i was always the one to visit her as she has own place her and i dont – she knew i am easy to talk to so can ask to leave – I think maybe i said i love you and miss you a few times AFTER 3 months or more and a few home made pressies .
I though it was all good – i am a good guy , and dont think i am that needy as never complain she goes out friends or text her much unless texts me if she says she seeing friends saturday day i ask when she wants to see me she says saturday night or sunday i come instead . we cuddle a lot – sex is great i asked before and think we fit in many ways ..
Would love to know your thoughts
Thanks Marco
Hi Marco. Thank you for taking the time to read when she says she needs spacde. it sound like you might need more time to work on yourself. If someone is telling you they need space, 1 week is not enough time to work on yourself. You need time to really see what’s going on and do the work on yourself. I would suggest reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, Attached by Amir Levine and No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover.
Start really working on yourself and seeing where this is coming from because otherwise it’s going to keep coming up. Your happiness is YOUR responsibility. Not anyone elses. It is not her job to make you feel better about yourself. That’s your job. You can do this.
Wishing you the best 🙂
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia
Thanks for the reply – i dont think i am the Codependant or needy so much, s[ent half my life travelling and living overseas working in tourism and teaching so pretty open , independent and free, usually pretty happy alone travelled alone many years also , but definitely when have a woman i care about like to show her i care and love her, do things for her etc – obviously I been doing it all wrong – so definitely going to read those books (already downloaded them) as i am always willing to learn and improve myself .. Thanks for help you doing great Job and help lots people so Thanks again ..
Hello, me and my wife have been married for 3 years together for 4. I have a workethic problem and is hard for me to keep a job longer than 6 months at a time we have 2 kids. She left almost 2 weeks ago and begged me to come with her and ow she wont hardly talk to me unless its about the kids, she wont say i love you or i miss you but i did blow her phone up everyday. She says she needs time and space to sort out her feelings for me and im scared that im going to lose her and my kids. Do you think its over for us?
Hey Adam. Thank you for stopping by and commenting on When she says she needs space. Take the space!!! Space is not a bad thing. It sounds like you might need to work on attachment and maybe some codependency. Let her work on her own things, we cannot change or fix anyone. In the meantime, focus back on yourself! Your goals, your life… focus back on what makes YOU happy. Happiness comes from inside of you, not from her, not from anyone else or outside things. Really take this time to work on yourself and fall back in love with yourself first. Get back into the gym, focus back on your hobbies. You’ll get the attraction back when you love yourself and find your values and know your worth. I would suggest a private coaching session so we can help you further https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
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Kdog626
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What should I do during seperation
Ok me and my wife have seperated and she said she was done. But she says she needs space. She says we are on 2 different paths right now. Iv e started counseling for myself. Even though I live in apartment we share our checks and Bill’s in the same account. I’m letting her use my vehicle with my step kids cause it’s in my name and she doesn’t have one to go back and forth to work. I gave her pretty much everything in the house. I’ve been considerate and trying to be patient and understanding. But she is so cold in her response to me. She talks more like I’m a client instead of a husband. In about 12 days it will be a month of separation. Divorce was only used one time that’s the day we fought. When we meet one night to talk. She said it had only been 2 weeks and if I’m expecting any hope right now the answer would be no. But again she emphasized again she needs space. She is in stressed at work feels like she is the one doing everything in the relationship. I asked if there is anyone else and she said no. I dont have time for anyone right now nor do I want anyone. So I’m giving her space, the other day the only reason she texted me was to get the account for Netflix because my son signed out of it. She said I didn’t have to but I did. So is my marriage over. Because of the distance and the coldness she responds with, or what. I even tried to get the kids to do something with me this weekend but she said they have plans. But my daughter said she didn’t know anything about anything. So is it over? I mean when do I pull the plug on the bank account and so on. I mean I made mistakes but not to the extreme of her treating me this way, like I didn’t exist. I’ve always bent over backwards. I’ve been praying and working on me that’s all I can do. How do I know if their is hope still. I am the main bread winner in the house. Combine over $100,000 a year with $75,000 of mine. She has 4 kids they are all step kids but I’ve spent 10 yrs of my life with them. So I claim them as mine. It’s hard dealing with the emotional roller coaster and loneliness. But we are still functioning the same as if I was in the house. Meaning using the bank and such. But she has been very cold. She is a person who can cut you off just like that. When shes done she’s done. But I’m confused. You want space, your using the vehicle that I said you could use, as for how long u need because of the kids, and we still have our checks in the same account and use them. But your very short and cold with no emotion when ever you do talk to me. So again is it over, is it just space and longer she is needing or do I start taking things away, such as the bank and vehicle. Cause I’m at limbo. I want to save my marriage at all possible. But dont know what to do? And dont know her expectations? All I know she is trying her hardest to avoid me right now. One thing that stuck out when she said she wanted space, she wish I would cheat cause it would make it alot easier. Any thoughts?
Hi appolonia, me and my girlfriend have been together over a year now and celebrated our first anniversary a couple of months ago, things were going great but around 8 months ago I messed up she found me looking at another girls profile a model who she knew in the past, we managed to resolve it and get past it and I managed to slowly build her trust back up over the past 8months however I messed up again and she found me looking at this model again, I literally have no interest or ever dream of leaving or cheating on her I literally love everything about her however she has had trust issues previously in the past before me, but now we’ve gone on a break and she wants some space to see what she wants, at first I was reluctant because I didn’t think it would help just leaving each other alone and not talking about the situation but eventually decided to give her the space she asked for for a few days only, I’ve had trouble completely leaving her be so I’ve messaged her a fair few times, the last thing I’d ever wanted to was hurt her and I definitely feel I can’t lose her, were having a talk in a couple of days when I return home and I’m just worried that it may be over, but do you think their is any chance whatsoever that I can recover from this and show how much I really do adore her like she is the love of my life and I just feel like after messaging her too much today while trying to give her space I’ve messed up because she already had a few things going on before i made this mess, i was just wondering if i literally just leave her alone no contact for the next couple of days until we talk in person is that going to help my case even after the over contact on the first couple of days
Thanks, dave
Hi
I met this girl
And we instantly had amazing chemistry and a connection that I can’t really explain in words
She and I were super flirty and we would meet up and text and flirt non stop
Then we started being a bit causal just to see where things go
Nothing too intense and it was great and fun and good
And then we had a fight not anything huge but she then asked for space
I told her I had feelings for her and she said she’s sorry but she needs to think things through and she just needs a friend at the moment and I said ok but that’s hard for me to do and it was but I was her friend
But ever since that she keeps asking for space and she hasn’t messaged me
I asked her why and what did I do to make things so weird and she said she has a lot on her plate and she’ll just see me in social situations and she didn’t want to get into specifics
I said ok and that was that
We haven’t messaged since or seen each other since
She does look at my Instagram stories and look at hers
But that’s it
Idk why she hasn’t messaged me
She used to a lot
Idk what went wrong and she won’t tell me
But I just want her as part of my life
I miss her
I don’t mind just being a friend
Do I message her?
Will she message me?
Now with this whole corona thing
Shouldn’t we tell the ppl we love that we love them?
How do I go about this right?
Hey Natasha, Thank you for taking the time to read when she says she needs space. So it sounds like we didn’t let her take the space and we got in fear and pushed her. If she was telling you something like “I just need a friend right now” and she’s not ready for a relationship… then that’s your red flag. she’s telling you she’s not ready. That doesn’t mean that you try and prove that you’re the right one for her… if someone’s not ready for a relationship, they’re not ready for a relationship… that has nothing to do with you… but trying to prove yourself or get them to validate you or make you feel better about the situation is only going to push someone away. Focus on making sure that your happiness is coming from inside of you and not from her or another person. Let her reach out to you but in the meantime… work on yourself and learn how to love yourself and not take other people’s inability to show up personally. I would also suggest reading Amir Levine’s Attached book.
Wishing you the best 🙂
Apollonia
there is a girl we were in a 4 years good relationship like there was an enormous amount of love and care. It was she, who use to stick around me all the time call me all the time. Now suddenly due to her career and family pressure, she is getting off our relationship. she told me she wanna leave me please I beg you leave me alone. I won’t be happy with you at all. (She use to tell me she won’t be happy with me, she made me do big promises like I won’t leave her at any cost etc etc ) I mean everything was so smooth then all of sudden she started getting frustrated with me. What should I do now ?
I’ve been dating my GF for 10 months, and today she said “I need space”. Ugh. So i dig a little deeper, and she feels as though lately she’s been put into more of a “teacher” role with me when it comes to emotional connection and prioritizing self-care, not to mention cooking. Obviously, this has caused her to lose her attraction to me. I’m a hard working guy, father to an 8yo, who always has house/yard projects going, and I also like to connect with my friends regularly.
She feels like I’m always filling up my free time with activities and people, which is pretty true, and that she wants me to do some self reflection, so she can feel attracted to me again. She recently had some surgical procedures which were very difficult for her, and it was hard on our relationship. No sex for 2 months, we lost our connection, and just days ago she was feeling good enough to have sex again. I was hoping being intimate after such a long time would help us rekindle our spark, because we spent so much time being together in a non sexual(but still flirty) way. I guess after all that, I’m not 100% sure if we should be together, but I feel like I’ve invested so much into this relationship and we’re both good people, that it breaks my heart to think we can’t figure this out and get on with our future as a couple. If I”m being honest, I’ve had doubts about our compatibility in the past, but she’s very attractive, really a kind person with a great sense of crass humor. She used to make me feel like a macho stud, but now I’m feeling more like a nerdy mama’s boy. Ugh. I guess I’ll just give her space and see what happens. In the meantime, I’ll continue reading those self-help relationship books I shelved when I met this woman. Thanks for any advice you might have.
Hello my name is Reuben and im currently in a situation that I do not understand. We have daed with this girl for about five years now but lately she has been telling me that I need to put my things inorder be positive about life because I just lost my job late last year. She is still working and has been supportive for me for quite some time. But on the issue she said to me that when I do borrow money from her I should atleast try and repay well according to me right now for the past five months ive had no job but still searching so means of paying her back is close to zero. I owe her alot. But last week but one I had an emergency and I asked for her help and she told me she cant be of help right now so I was all cool but then she said ive been thinking about it all along and cant support me at all and that she needs a break up. So was like why now, and she was clear with her decision, but later added that you can just pay me the money but wont ask you to. Well before we broke up we were together clubbing and she told m the reason she is with me all along is because she loves otherwise a lot of ladies would have left you if you were in such a situation. My friend called her and she told her yes she still loves me but she dont believe I can change and that I should look for another girl. Well today I texted her and she replied to me,…..No need for texting cause wont change anything and like she said we are done and we should guive each other a chance to heal because the relationship is over and no hopes of it coming again. What should I do?
Hey apollonia, i really appreciate what you are doing, i have been dating a girl 4years ago(no talk), we knew each other for 3years and broke up.
two months ago i reached out to her and we were having a nice conversation we did’nt speak about a relation(she’s single), but one week ago she opened her facebook and found that i have sent her a message with a (faux compte) 3 months ago telling her i miss her ext …( i don’t know if she knew that it is me who sent her the message).
She said that she needed some space and did not tell what is the problem… so i gave her some space after 10 days she reached out telling me hey , i answered but she did not answer, after two days i told her if she had any problems…
she told me that she had a lot of work and she had a family problem so she does not want to talk to anyone(she told me that there is something hapenned to her and hurt her too but she did not say what is the thing, i asked her what thing she did not reply and she posted a picture that she is very sad and going through a depression …)
and i don’t know wether to support her or to give her space because i don’t wanna look needy or something.
Hello!
During this COVID-19 pandemic, I have been forced to work-from-home, as well as not go to the gym anymore (which as a powerlifter is very hard). My long-distance girlfriend of ~2 months (have been talking for over a year now, I live in KCMO and she lives in MT but travels a lot) is a personal trainer as well as starting her own apparel brand, and can do neither of those from her home. She recently moved back home after spending a week with me, a week with other family in TN, a weekend with me in Columbus, a week with her family in TN, and then spending a night with me on her way back through.
During this ~3 weeks of quarantine where I’m home all the time, she has had to find a new job for the time being, as well as move back in with family. She has had a very difficult time with just this, as well as with the COVID-19 crisis.
She was a very independent woman before we met and started talking, has traveled the world by herself and with friends, and our communication has been fantastic up until now (she is very vocal in what she wants and when I do something she doesn’t like.) During this time of us being out of our elements, she has become not herself… Not showing much affection towards me, seeming off in all texts she sends not to me, but also not posting on Instagram (she did daily before this), things of that nature (this lead me to start thinking that something is off with her and I am just adding on to the stress she currently has). Her texts became very dry, and me being the over thinker that I am, started to think for the worst. It eventually manifested into me becoming so worried with what could happen, that instead of her taking her time to figure out what was going on with her, that I asked if everything between us was okay. She said ‘she didn’t know’ and that the main thing was that she felt guilty by not responding to my texts/calls every time. I have assured her MULTIPLE times that I send good morning/hope you’re having a good day/goodnight texts not to elicit a response, but to show her that I care about her. She took this as (from her being alone for so long and not having anyone to answer to for these) as me being overbearing and clingy, which was not my intention whatsoever.
I have come to the conclusion (this call happened earlier today) that I was, in-fact, being too present for her in her time of need for self-development. She said that she needed time to think about this, and these are my conclusions. I’m prepared to say about how this time to work on ourselves will not only be better for each other, but for us together, as well as to tell her that with all of the good times we’ve had and the happiness that she’s brought to me, that we will come out stronger after this. I’m also giving her space until she wants to talk again, and then I will ask what healthy communication would be from my end, as she doesn’t know what she wants right now.
Am I doing the right thing? I care for her a whole lot and only want the best for her, my intentions were only to be there when she needs me.
– Sam
Hey Sam. Thank you for stopping by and commenting on When she says she needs space. There is an adjustment period that is happening right now and a lot of people are getting to face themselves more, heal even deeper. It’s just what is happening around the world for everyone. It caused a lot of people to go into a “fight or flight” mode. So everything you’re describing makes sense. She was in shut down mode and trying to figure out what is happening in her life. So you’re right, just giving it space for things to calm down is perfect. Give it space for both of you guys to dig a little deeper on yourselves. You guys will find your balance again and she’ll feel more settled and in acceptance of what’s happening soon and you guys can just pace through this.
If you need more coaching through this then I’d encourage you to book a session. Space is not a bad thing 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
Hello again 🙂
We actually called right after I posted this, she said she didn’t have the energy she’d like to put towards a relationship at the moment. I completely understood that, as it’s kind of what my conclusions came to. This still threw me for a curve-ball, but then again it’s another way of asking for space. She said she’s still here for me, and we can still be good friends if I’d like. While I would like nothing more than this, I think it’s good to give her space for now.
While this is a relatively new relationship and there’s not a designated amount of time until we should contact again, I was going to let her make the first move within like two weeks… after that, maybe check in on her and see how everything is going?
I’m personally having a hard time with this, just with her being 23 hours away and me not being able to help her. I’m feeling lots of things right now, but they’re no longer really ‘how can I help her become a better version of herself’, and instead they are more like ‘I miss what we had and I miss her’. I have these negative thoughts about her not wanting to be with me anymore, or there being someone else in the picture… but I know neither of these are true remembering the great times we’ve had and the emotions we’ve shared; also I’m almost positive there isn’t someone else in the picture, because she MADE time for me, she’s very busy and driven and she decided that I could be in her life.
I’m very glad she cares enough about me to tell me this before either one of us gets hurt, although she told me she felt like she was ‘poison’ to me, which I didn’t agree with entirely but I can see where she’s coming from. What’s really been keeping my spirits up today, is just that she said she’s still here and she cares enough to tell me this before hurting me. Also, a weird consolation, she said ‘talk to you later’ instead of ‘bye’ when she hung up the phone, and that’s way more comforting than I expected it to be.
What’s the best path to take my mind down during this time of ‘space’? I’ve decided to delete our previous conversations on snapchat, instagram, and messages just so I’m not tempted to go look through them again and reminisce on the past, although I will still be liking her instagram posts and replying to her stories, as a way to show I’m still there. I’m going to focus on myself for sure (after I quit being depressed about this) and work on my physical and mental health. Should I be doing anything for myself towards my relationship with her?
Thanks,
Sam
i just recently moved to FL from ATL a year ago. i don’t go to bars or anything. I finally met a very attractive and successful female. We got really close and were even talking about marriage. She also became my best friend and i got really close to her kids. Her ex was in rehab because he is a junkie. They have a kid together and their son is crazy about him. Well he finally gets out of rehab and has no place to live. She tells me she has to let him stay there because her son really wants him to be around and i don’t want to see him back on the streets doing drugs. I want to help him get on his feet. I need some space so i can help him out. I didn’t understand and i feel like i was she choose a junkie over me. I didn’t give her the space she asked for because i felt cheated on. Now, she has blocked me from everything and i feel awful, taking advantage of and will never talk to her again.
I’ve also seen so many places in the past that I could have improved on… I turned into someone that wasn’t the man she fell for and I wish I could tell her that I’m working on all of those aspects and traits in myself. I told her on that call that I went into a ‘quarantine slump’ and wasn’t myself and was working on myself as well. I thought (initially) that this statement led her to say she wasn’t ready to build a relationship, but thinking back on it, it may help her in the long run? I’m not sure, I really do see lots of things that I messed up on doing in these past 2-3 weeks when she became distant, and all I want to do right now is call her and say that I’m working on all of them. Not even to ask her to give it another try (she said she it had nothing to do with me and it was her finding herself) but just to let her know that I’m doing well. This would be dumb for sure, as it would give her more to think about and probably add more stress to her life than there already is.
Thank you so much for your help on here and your YouTube channel, it’s honestly what’s keeping me from lying in bed all day and crying, now I just lie there until noon on my days off lol.
Hey i need some help i met this amazing woman she was with a man that used her she did all the work in the relationship she ttook care of all the kids cleaned house paid the bills and he didn’t help at all also he never showed her any emotion we met and just fell madly in love she asked me to adopt her daughter to have a child with her all after a month and a half im a very emotional person and i asked her to marry me she said yes moved and things were perfect the day i finished moving her things out of their house she said that she thinks she still has feelings for her x i overreacted and say how could you want everything with me then change your mind a week later she says its best if she moves out she is pregnant with my child moved to her moms and says that she loves me but wont show me affection and doesn’t want me to touch her anymore she says that she feels like she has lost herself i want to help she says this is something she has to do on her own and she doesn’t know if we will end up together but we will cross that bridge when we get there i got super clingy depressed and am not ok ive maid it clear that i dont want to live without her and that i would do anything for her also i have 2 kids and she has 3 kids i fell in love with these kids also all i want is to give them someone that wont leave them like everyone always does only texts me like once every 3 pr 4 texts and sometimes not at all just ignores me what do i need to do to make things better i want us to to be a happy family again i want to be there for my child when he or she is born and i want things to go back to when she said i was the only man for her i feel so lost without her what do i do please help.
Also she came to get all of her stuff yesterday she said that maybe someday we will live together again she said that she loved me she said shes just in a really bad place amd that she hasn’t left her house in weeks and all she wants to do is cry and lay in bed and that she just doesn’t want to admit that a 5 year relationship was all for nothing said she didn’t want me to touch her tried to give her a kiss as she left she said no and that she doesn’t want me to call her babe right now im so lost
Hi… I have been in a relationship for almost 8 months but up until a month or so ago I notice my girlfriend changing. She wasn’t the same person. I known her for over 3 years. We worked together in the same building. One day I my coworkers said that she liked me and that she would like to get to know and maybe even get married. That surprise me, I didn’t know what to say. Days go by and I decide to ask her out and she said yes. On our date we talk about everything. During the conversation she told me that her last relationship was a nightmare. The guy she was with was nothing but a bad mistske. He bit on her, physically and emotionally. That really upset me and I said to her that wasn’t right and she deserved better. The worst part is that from that relationship she now suffers from ptsd and depression. Also during our conversation she said that she has issued trusting people and that she needs to work on that. I was like sure that’s a good idea. Going back to the present, now being April 2020 and being in quarantined is hard to actually find out what’s going on. Meaning that I’ve asked her what’s going and she’s always saying that everything is good and well, but my gut feeling tells me others things. One weekend I went to check on her because I was worried about her. I told her that I know something is wrong would like to know what’s going on . She couldn’t say. She was depressed and that she didn’t want to be seen in that state. I told her if she wanted be alone, or she wanted me to walk away. She replied to me saying No! But, than she said that she didn’t know what she wants also she’s told me a couple of times about how she doesn’t deserve me that no man has treated her like I do. Now with this pandemic going on I guess I have no choice but to give her space. I can go see her, we do talk, text and video chat but that’s all. Please someone tell me what I need to do, because I do care about her and will do anything to help her and hope to be with her the rest of the) my life. Thanks
She came over to see me day befor yesterday ended up just taking the rest of her things tried to kiss her she said no very short hug then got in her car texted her that night and she she replied ( whats up ) and (just sitting here) then no nothing next morning i said happy Easter and 815 am ahe message (Happy Easter! sorry i haven’t replied ive been chasing children all day i hope you’ve had a good day)at 9.03pm i said (mine was pretty good yours?) No response last night haven’t messaged today and she hasnt either. What do i do i have to make this work for the kids and i love her so much i just dont know what to do being clingy and super emotional has had the opposite effect
Yesterday i said happy Easter at 8 am and 9pm she said she was busy chasing kids all day then didn’t respond to my next message today i haven’t messaged and neither has she what do i do
Hi Appolonia, So me and my girlfriend of a little over a month have been very healthy together, we respect boundaries and give eachother the needed time apart when we need to. She recently just told me she cares for me and that she’s not happy with herself. She states that she is happy with me but not herself, she said she wanted and needed time to fix herself and time to herself because I wasn’t getting the love and attention that I needed and deserved. I assured her that she was just overthinking and she’s been doing everything fine but she stated it’s not fair to me because I should be her main priority but I am just simply not because she isn’t happy with herself. She wanted time to herself and gets in these moods where she doesn’t even want to talk to anyone and just be alone, so I tried to talk to her but it didn’t work so I eventually respected her decision but before hand she would text me every few hours and it got to the point where she said “we still belong to eachother, and hopefully we have a chapter 2 to our story, because you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, I will still be loyal to you on my end and for the moment I just need time and space to myself so I can better myself, idk how long I’ll be like this” just hours before she started talking like this I had wrote her multiple paragraphs on how much she meant to me (because she wasn’t feeling too well the day before) and then she was very happy got a bit but then stated “now I’m bummed because I feel like I’m a terrible girlfriend because I have never wrote you paragraphs like that before) and then from that point forward she started saying she needed to better herself because its not fair to me.
I honestly don’t know what to think or do… she said we will still be loyal to eachother and belong to eachother but that for the time being she needs time to herself. Should I go with no contact and wait for her to contact? Should I text her every now and then and stay in contact? Should I assume that we are over or should I assume I will get her back eventually. I fully trust her in every way shape or form and she trusts me too. Please help me.
Hi Appolonia, Me and my girlfriend of 1 month have been very very healthy in my opinion, we always communicate through anything and everything. We are in love and we always told eachother we couldn’t wait for our future with eachother. If she wanted space I would give it to her and respect the fact she just needed some time alone sometimes.
However, one day she was so bummed out. She stated she gets in these moods where she just simply wants to shut everyone out. She doesn’t like talking to absolutely anyone when she’s feeling this way (she’s just very upset and bummed out, basically sad is a way to put it, she likes going through stuff on her own.) She started saying she’s sorry for making me feel that way of pushing me away and out, and she said she promises she’ll do everything in her power to make sure it never happens again. She stated I’m the love of her life. And she wants to spend her life with me and she is completely sure of it. I took her virginity and we’ve only been dating a little over a month.
A few weeks pass by after that…
Everything is good and then one day she’s just bummed out. You can tell she’s not 100% herself and she’s just mentally drained. but me and her were still good she was just a little upset at her life at home. Me being the good boyfriend I am after she went to sleep I wrote her 4 paragraphs explaining how much she meant to me and how special she was just to make her feel better when she woke up. However, when she woke up she stated that “awww that made me feel so much better and I love you with all of my heart, I want to spend my life with you and I can’t wait for our future together, but that makes me feel like I’m a horrible girlfriend, because I’ve never wrote you paragraphs like that when you were upset”
From that point forward she began to get down on herself, she started to state that it isn’t fair to me that I’m not getting the amount of love and attention I deserve. She said she needed time to herself so she can focus on herself and Better herself. She stated that i should be her main priority in everything but that I am just simply not because she is not happy with herself. She states I’ve made her the happiest she’s ever been before. She kept talking like she just can’t do it to me. She said that if she keeps going like this it’s only going to hurt me more and she just can’t allow that to happen to me. I tried to talk her out of it but she just completely went over what I said and stated it’s not fair to me that I’m not getting the love and attention that I deserve. So then eventually I came to respect her decision, before hand she stated “we still belong to eachother and will follow the same boundaries as we had put in place when we were together, I hope he have a chapter 2 to our story bevause you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. On my end I will not be doing anything unloyal and I just need time to myself for a little while.” I am still her bio on instagram and she still has the same posts Of me up. We haven’t texted all day and I just don’t know what to do or how to feel.
Please help me. Do I continue going with the no contact rule…? Do I contact her every few hours or so…? Do I wait until she reaches out to me? Do I assume it’s over, do I expect to have her back? Just please help me. Much appreciated
Thank you so much. I’m feeling so confident and relaxed after reading this 🙂
Hi Harpreet,
That is just amazing and we are so proud of you.
keep up the great work.
Best,
I’ve had a tough time understanding her thought process. We were together for 3 months and things developed extremely quick. We were talking about marriage, moving in together, she met my family and i met hers (not a casual thing in our culture). I understand this could be the reason why she was afraid but she often initiated those serious conversations. During our last couple days together, things felt off balance. I assumed she had enough things on her plate (which she does) and she needs space. I gave her space, just a simple how’s it going message a day and that’s it. I found no end to the issue to I decided to message her telling her things feel off let’s talk. We did and she said I need to focus on other things etc. I let her be and contacted her a few days after to check in as she did have a serious issue at home. During that phone call,Things were perfectly fine she was saying I love you and that I was perfect for her but she just felt she was not being herself as she was living in a ‘fantasy world’ with me and ignoring her actual issues. We ended that conversation on very good terms even joked and had a little sexual tension and flirtation. I watched your video and followed your advice with regards to letting her have her space as much as she wants. A few days after she messages me and asks how I am and proceeds to tell me that she misses to which I replied i miss you too, but I decided to keep the conversation light. I am worried about giving her enough space to forget about me but also worried about pushing her away. Her birthday is also soon and I am wondering should I get a very small present or just let it be? Should I even say happy birthday or leave her to think “oh why is he forgetting about me completely”? I don’t like playing games but similarly being completely vulnerable and honest hasn’t proved well for me as its portrayed as weakness perhaps?
Thanks so much,
Eli
My girlfriend said she needed space from me so that she could be with other people sexually and explore herself. she said that she still loves me and wants me in her life but I don’t want to just be friends, It would hurt me too much. I’m giving her space but I just don’t know if things will ever be the same.
Hi Max,
Thank you for sharing this and I’m sorry what you are going through is not easy for sure.
Things will be the way they are meant to be.
Please use this time to focus on you and things you’d like to accomplish for yourself.
I would encourage you to watch our videos and listen to our podcast, you can access to all this valuable information at no cost.
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Max,
Changes are not always a bad thing.
Don’t forget about your standards and be aware of how people are treating you to refocus on your personal growth.
Don’t enable bad behavior and if you haven’t yet start following our youtube videos, Start with this one https://youtu.be/5HYuv6GyIrs.
Best of luck with everything and let us know if there is anything else we can help with.
So, my Girlfriend of 3 years and a month, this Sunday that passed blindsided me and broke up with me/take a break ..I’m not sure…. what to do. A bit of a back story is that my parents split up and this has been affecting me and my family and my sister is not doing good at the moment so and when I got back from a Christmas trip she noticed I was different and as time went on I guess she was getting too emotionally involved and it started affecting her …. so when this COVID-19 happened she started to distance herself from me and noticed that it made her feel a little bit better and when I asked a few times she mentioned that we were good but then this happened out of blue.. When her mom asked if she was not feeling well as in depressed..well that’s when I think she got the idea to do this. she mentioned that she does not know what she wants right now and that she still loves me and cares for me…followed by giving me a hug and a kiss on the lips for a few seconds. We were talking and she mentioned that ” you can still talk to me if you want, but if you don’t want to that’s fine and I understand” …. is it completely over or should I just give space…next payday I planned on purchasing this video and stuff
My girlfriend of 3 years and a month, this last past Sunday kinda blindsided me and I’m not sure what to do and whether we are done or not. A bit of the back story is that we were pretty good for a couple of years, my parents are divorcing ever since November and my sister has been going through a bad time ever since Christmas. When I got back from Christmas trip she noticed I changed a little bit but never mentioned anything and as a couple we talked about stuff. she mentioned that it starting affecting her and she never mentioned anything at all till last Sunday. So ever since this Covid-19 started I noticed she started to talk less and less and when I brought it up she said we were fine and to Nevermind… then her mother noticed and asked if she was okay n asked if she was depressed. So when we met up on Saturday she mentioned that “ she does not know what she wants but that she still loves and cares about me” which was followed by a hug and a kiss for a few seconds. as well when I asked if she just wanted space or what, she mentioned that she just does not know what she wants and said “ we can chat if you want but if you don’t want to that’s fine and I understand”. I don’t know if we’re done or what but any advice would be great.
Hi Ryan,
Thank you for sharing your story,
Sorry for what you and your family went through. A divorce is a life-changing event and it is hard to understand and accept no matter how old we are.
Take this time to deal with the pain and be there for your family, I would encourage you to watch our videos on our youtube channel to understand what it might be going through her mind. If you’d like one on one coaching click on this link to explore your options https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/.
Best of luck with everything.
Hi Team Apollonia,
Is there any advice you could give, like should I give her space or what? I would love to do the coaching but I can’t afford to at the moment…
Hi Ryan
Watch our videos on our youtube channel at no cost. They have helped so many tremendously.
Start with one https://youtu.be/sSeHRS0iLxo and explore through them.
Best,
Hi Appollonia,
My GF and I were together for 3+ months before the quarantine and decided it was best to try to cohabitate. We lived in my studio apartment together for 2 months. She suffers from severe depression and told me she was starting to feel depressed. So when she started to pull away I thought it was bc of her depression. I would ask if there was anything I could do, but she would say no and I’d give her space. Then we had a big fight and I asked if she was over her ex, who she broke up with about 3 months before we started dating. Then she really started to pull away and I naturally was trying to pull her back. That continued for a week. The whole time I thought this had nothing to do with me until I realized she was pulling away bc I had been pushing her away. We had talked ab me opening up more, and I thought I was really trying. That fight happened, things got very emotional/dramatic (especially from me!), then she went from “spending a day or two back at her place” to we need a break for a week or two. She told me she loved me and wanted to be with me, but we just needed to take some space. I admittedly didn’t handle that well and started to panic that first day and begged her to call me. Then I cleared my head a bit and told her that was selfish of me, and I was gonna give her the respect/trust she deserves and to call when she’s ready to talk. My question to you is, do I still have a girlfriend? Or will I after this break?
Hi Jeff,
Thank you for contacting us,
sorry to hear you are going through a tough time in your relationship.
I would highly suggest to watch our youtube videos, start with this one https://youtu.be/IHxpL_E4Ihg.
we have a lot of valuable content on our channel and podcast.
Best of luck with everything
Apollonia’s team
Hi Apollonia – this is an interesting one. A good female friend of mine has asked me to give her space so she an clear her head and have some ‘me’ time. It’s interesting because we’ve been really close she started working with me and particularly over the past 3 months. She leant on me a lot emotionally as she split from her boyfriend. We’ve not been as close since, but we would share messages, chat for an hour or so etc. Like friends do. The interesting part is that she has remained friends with her ex and sees him frequently as part of a wider friendship group. The part i’m struggling with is if she wants clarity in her mind why is she telling me to give her space but not him? Since she asked for space I’ve gone silent (difficult as that is she is a great friend), and today for the first time in a number of weeks she VC’ed me at work. Would i like to be more than friends? Sure, but ultimately i want her in my life than not. I just feel pushed out – is she seeing if she can live without me / assessing if she will miss me? Any advice would be greatly received as i feel like I’ve lost a wife not a friend!
Hi John,
Thank you for contacting us,
Relationships are hard and that’s why we are here to help.
we would recommend this video to start looking for answers https://youtu.be/F6JC4a4IFf4.
We have an incredible amount of valuable content on our youtube channel at no cost.
best of luck with everything,
Apollonia’s team
Thank you. I’ve found the content really insightful and I’ve started to implement some of it. Trouble is she’s a friend first and I cannot understand why she’s asked me to give her space to clear her head but sees her ex boyfriend regularly! If Apollonia can pull together 5 minutes on that one that would be great! Thanks for all the other useful information though.
Hello apollonia, I just came across your form here about space and i really wanted some insight On my situation. I’ve been with my girlfriend just under a year now and we’ve always a special bond even when we first met and both had different partners. Despite that we ended up together but sadly we’ve argued more especially within this time. She is very upset at the moment after a misunderstanding last night, she believes we don’t share the same values and following in to today she said she wanted space. She said she wanted to break up and she quickly removed me from her social media etc, she’s always been very quick to make decisions like this when she’s angry or upset and always admits to doing these things out of her emotions. However this time things are much more serious I text her a lot and she asked for space and i don’t want to lose her but she is now saying she doesn’t know if it’s over or not and that’s he needs space to decide. Should I stop messaging he and honour that ? It’s really hard not too and her removing our pictures etc was heartbreaking she’s never taken things this far before. Any help would be great she’s literally my everything !
Hi,Ive been with my wife for 11yrs now.7yrs we lived together n we were having fights sometimescz she’s kind of trying to be the man in the hse.all a long I’ve been the one apologizing to her n we continue with our normal life as husband n wife.4yrs after our kids joined us from home n all hell broke lose.she’s the mother of our kids yes but now she never had time for me anymore.all time were focused on the kids n this made me emotionally painful.communication went awol.if i tried to discipline the kids I’m wrong.couple of times I’ve been frustrated drunk n tell her to leave but in the morning i realise I’m wrong n we make peace.just the other day she left with the kids.we talk n she says she need time even if is 6months.I luv my wife n kids n I’ve apologized for my wrongdoings n names i called her wen I’m angry.I want her back cz she’s the only one i love.please help me,what can i do?
Hi Paul,
I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through.
Relationships are not Hollywood stories that make us think every one of them is how they describe it in the movie THE NOTEBOOK and we are supposed to find someone to complete us, It takes work, a lot of understanding, and unconditional love, the art of balancing life while we have so many responsibilities and people that depend on us.
I just want you to know you are not alone and with hard work and love, you can get to be the best version of yourself and start showing up like that.
start by reading this blog https://www.apolloniaponti.com/abundance-mentality/ and explore through our videos and articles, you’ll find them very helpful we hope 🙂
Best of luck with everything and please let us know if there is anything else we can do to help.
Apollonia’s team
Hi Apollonia
I have been with this girl for 6 Months now but she started loosing the excitement in the relationship i asked her she said she’s doesn’t love me the way I love her that she needs a break I have given her the break I’m feeling I’m loosing her I don’t want to loose her my heart loves her What do I do
I tried sending an email but it brought up failure to send to domain.
Hi Torey,
Sorry to hear that, we’ll address this as soon as we can.
So sorry for the inconvenience.
Best,
Apollonia’s team
Hi Apollonia and Team
I know this might not elicit a reply, but tried to take the advice when a girl i liked asked me to give her space. It’s been a tough few weeks as I’ve pulled myself back from her especially given we work together (albeit remotely at the moment). Anyway, we saw each other last Friday and had a couple of drinks. It was really nice. She then suggested we meet again this coming Friday for a few more drinks at a bar that when we were really close we had said we should try out together. She also text me to say that she’d had a really nice time. I’m trying not to get too far ahead of myself and I’m under no illusion that for her this may well still be a ‘friendship only zone’ but without your advice i wouldn’t be where i am so thank you.
The question is, how do i play it on Friday? Same as last week. Just nice an easy and see where it goes, or do i push against the door a little to see what might be behind it?
Well we had a great time. She invited me back to her place (albeit to look at an issue with the house and her housemate was in) and we’ve agreed to do more drinks. I’m not convinced it’s going anywhere though which is tough because I care about her a lot. But I’d rather her in my life than not. May be a case of the long game whilst maintaining my own distance and concentrating on other commitments?
Thanks apollonia this really cleared my head I didn’t know what to do until I read this right now I have some relief thank you!!
Hello Eric! Thank you for reading “When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!”. We appreciate your support!
My girlfriend and I are on a LDR and a few days ago I told her that just only then I felt sure about my feelings for her. She took it negatively saying that I lied to her and seems like I’m just testing the waters and yesterday she told me she needed a Space, but we can still message each other. What do I do?.
Hello Benjamin, thank you for reading “When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!” In order to get advice pertaining to your situation, I would encourage you to book a coaching session with her so she can help. Here are the links with more information. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Apollonia carefully crafted her products that address a multitude of subjects which you may find helpful as well: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/products/
If finances are an issue, Apollonia provides free content and I know you can find information that will help. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/blog/ and https://www.youtube.com/c/ApolloniaPonti
Take care and best of luck!
Hi Apollonia,
I recently broke up with my girlfriend in April. After our breakup we continued to talk each night doing daily devotions together. I didn’t see how much she cared for me till she found me on a dating site. I should have seen the one person that was there for me this whole time. I betrayed her trust. She wants to here me out about what I have to say about things from the past, present and future. Is this a good thing? I have respected her time and space because I care so much. Its been hard to not text or call her. I just want her back and her to trust me again? Do I keep giving her time and space?
Hi Chris! Thank you for reading “When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!” and sharing a bit of your story! Right now, she is busy with coaching sessions. In order to get advice pertaining to your situation, I would encourage you to book a coaching session with her so she can help. Here are the links with more information. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Apollonia carefully crafted her products that address a multitude of subjects which you may find helpful as well: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/products/
If finances are an issue, Apollonia provides free content and I know you can find information that will help. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/blog/ and https://www.youtube.com/c/ApolloniaPonti
Take care and best of luck!
Hi
I’ve been listening to your channels for a long time now and I find your advice very impactfull, I’m truly grateful for the opportunity to tap in.
So my friend and I have been talking since March 30 and she refer to me as her friend so I do the same. We’ve been intimate from the start and spend a lot of time together I’m from the Caribbean so there’s a bit of a difference in perspective lately I’ve been experiencing the grumph and snapy attitude and heard her say she needs her space on more than one occasion recently she said she’s been overwhelmed, so I asked ‘what are we doing ‘ and she says we are still getting to know each other to see if this is something she want. I personally feel that we should be more than just that. What are your thoughts? Is 5 months not enough time? Or is she talking advantage? When I ask the serious questions she said it’s a bit much so how do I handle this situation?
Hi Everton! Thank you for reading, “When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!” In order to get advice pertaining to your situation, I would encourage you to book a coaching session with her so she can help. Here are the links with more information. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Apollonia carefully crafted her products that address a multitude of subjects which you may find helpful as well: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/products/
If finances are an issue, Apollonia provides free content and I know you can find information that will help. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/blog/ and https://www.youtube.com/c/ApolloniaPonti
Take care and best of luck!
I Apollonia and Ponti They is this lady i met we are currently dating she lost her husband 2years ago, she just told me that she feels like she is cheating on her dead husband that she can’t talk to me anymore that i should give her some time
What can i do to get her back
Hello Tomson! Thank you for reaching out and supporting us! That’s a tough situation but this week’s podcast could definitely give you some clarity: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/write-your-legend/id1456127373?i=1000489100388
Best of luck and take care!
Hello I have recently starting to see my ex again who became overwhelmed with lock down and convinced herself I didn’t love her. We reconnected magically like we did from when we first met, she admitted she made a mistake and treated me badly. We had a few romantic date before the lady I was living with (business partner & landlady 20 years older) started causing issues. At first it was her messaging me and telling me she didn’t want to get back with my ex due to how she treated me, then she didn’t want me to get hurt and then making statements like she didn’t want to meet her or allow her to her home. This causes me great anxiety and when my ex had booked a romantic night away so we could have some quality time, my business partner then starting messaging questioning work issues and making accusations that she wasn’t informed of things. This of course caused me anxiety again and even my ex noticed this on my face. I eventually replied to my business partner and said I think it’s best I leave site and move out. Since then she has basically gone on a smear campaigns rampage distorting the truth and sharing private conversations we had when I had been dumped by my ex and we had no contact for 6 months. My ex is an intelligent woman (lawyer) and knew about my past mistakes, she has requested space but spoken to my mother stating she really cares about me but her head is all over the place. To add to her stresses her mum has just had to have an eye operation which we hope isn’t cancerous. She hasn’t blocked me but this hit me hard especially as I help this older lady save her home and build her business. Why is this lady systematically destroying my world because I wanted to give my ex a second chance. I am far from perfect and want to understand but I had confronted my business partners feelings for me as the constant attack on my ex was unacceptable. Now she has poisoned my ex against me and suddenly she’s the most wonderful woman in the world (which I already knew) but she was dealing with her own traumas and issues and basically freaked out through insecurity and fear. Please can you advise me what to do as all these lies and distortions I can prove on my phone but haven’t had the chance to sit with my ex and do so. The only mistake I made (not to be unkind) is while my ex and I were separated I dated (which she saw all on social media) and convinced herself I was happy without her and she had no right to contact me. Eventually I reached out as she is all I want but when we talked about me dating I could see she hated the thought, so I told her I didn’t sleep with anyone (although I did sleep with one lady). My business partner s has told her I had various ladies come to our home which is true but only one stayed the night with her daughter (autistic) her son her friend and her children. Needless to say we didn’t have sex there as her daughter slept with us. I am certain my ex business partner has told her all sorts but why would she do this? She had messaged me many times she loved me and once to the moon and back but when I challenge her behaviour as like being in a relationship and that I should leave, she freaked out begging me to stay and telling me she loved me like a son and just didn’t want me to get hurt. I am so confused after all I have done for this lady, as well as my ex not even wanting to hear my side. I never found the old lady attractive and many times explained she was crossing my boundaries particularly with regards to personal matters and space.
What do it do?? I love my ex so much and we are amazing together and both agree we have something truly unique, wonderful and give each other happiness. I suspect she is now doubting that I love her and that I am the man she believes I am or the one that has been portrayed by my now ex business partner. Sorry for the long message.
Hello Neil, thank you for your support and for reading “When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!” I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling. Apollonia offers a lot of free advice on her blog/Instagram/Facebook/YouTube channel.
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/ApolloniaPonti Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/apollonia_ponti/ Blog: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/blog/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/apollonialovecoach/
If you’re interested in some individualized guidance, here’s the link to book a private session as Apollonia would need more details and to make time in her schedule; https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
The link will provide information on the different styles and rates for coaching sessions with a step by step breakdown of what to expect.
Best of luck and take care!
Katy – Apollonia’s Assistant
Hi, Apollonia.
Me and my ex were together for only 2 months, we started the relationship last July and ended on Sep. My ex suffered a loss in her family. Her dad died last August and since then our relationship went downhill. I came to the point where my insecurity got the best of me and it eventually led us to break up due to she cant handle a relationship right now and she doesnt want to be selfish to me. After a day we tried to make things work, to make the relationship work. We continued talking and seeing each other for a month — I tried to see if there is progress or else im going to go no longer any further. I confronted her last 2 weeks that I’m not sure if she is happy right now because the way she talks to me thru chat is really unteresting. When we’re together we seldom share a laugh anymore and I told her that. This led to even more wanting space and I gave it to her. 1 week passed by and she messaged me and we talked for 2 days straight and now we’re not currently speaking as maybe she went back to her space and I just found out recently that she deactivated her facebook account ONLY but kept the messenger open.
I hope you could reply and give me some advice on this. Thank you
hello
Thanks for the article, it was very insightful and I now see things in a new light regarding space in a relationship. But I need further assistance with my relationship
So the situation between me and the girl I’ve been talking to since July has gotten quite complicated. I feel as if she’s confused as to what she wants but I do not know if giver her space will solve that as she has never said she needed it. At the beginning of the relationship she was very clingy and romantically affectionate, and we were very sexually active together. We went on many dates and even took a little getaway together for a weekend and we were both happy, we were even almost to the point of saying we loved each other. I never did though, because she said she wanted to take it slow. Shortly after the trip, I messed up and hurt her feelings and she said she lost respect as I was always sweet with her so I apologized and we made up. The relationship went back to normal until about a month ago. While we were talking she told me about sexual abuse that happened to her this year that she hasn’t told anyone about, and she went to the police after I urged her to get justice. While that happened she stopped being so clingy and we have not had sex in almost a month. I know the sex was never a problem and I know she still finds me attractive. She also doesn’t like when I touch her anymore and I respect that, but I do not know whey things changed drastically as they did (she was always comfortable around me but now gets triggered by my touch sometimes). I also noticed that she was becoming more distant and cold, but we still did things like go eat and go shopping. With that said I’m not sure if she still feels the same, becuase she hasn’t been as romantically affectionate, shown by the lack of cuddling and sex. Recently I confronted her about repairing our relationship, and she said she wanted to work it out with me. Some days she tells me she misses my voice or she feels weird we haven’t talked all day over the phone (we everyday, sometimes more than others). Other days it seems that while happy to see me, behind the scenes she is overthinking about things or stressed about her problems. I know she’s strong and will get through this, but she constantly asks me for help while other times saying she needs space and that she can overcome this alone. I don’t know if I made myself too available but at the same time there is no one else to help her, and I do not want to reject her when she asks for help. While I don’t help her with everything, I give her rides places and help her with her emotions through text. I now only try and help when she seems stressed and annoyed and comes to me, but sometimes, “doesn’t want to talk about it I just want space when I’m annoyed like this” while other times she fully vents to me. This really confuses me as I do not know if she wants help or not as she comes to me in many cases. Should I fight the urge to help her and force her to stabilize her mental health alone, or do I support her as I always have by being there for her? Also do I keep texting her and seeing her as much as I do (we go to the gym and get food together every other day)?
Thanks
What ir her birthday is soon? Like a few days from when she said she needs space?
This is an old video so hopefully you see this post. Play recently started dating my girlfriend again. We have been dating for a couple months now and although we do argue I thought everything was okay. Now I do admit I was smothering clingy and needy which probably caused this problem. The other day I went over to her house and she waited till the kids were in bed then she told me she need some space. I did all the wrong things and ask her what I could change Etc and she said she was just frustrated with the relationship there are things that I do that really irritate her and frustrate her and she needed a break to figure out what she wants to do. I asked her if she was breaking up with me and she said no. I asked her if she still loved me and she said yes. Then I asked her if she wants to continue being with me and she said I don’t know. I kept bugging her telling her I don’t know isn’t an answer and I need to know whether she wants to be with me or not. Then she went on a list of things that bothered her about me. I asked her again if we were breaking up she said no oh, I asked her again if she love me she said yes but she doesn’t want to be with any man right now she just wants to focus on her and her babies that she doesn’t need a man in her life right now. Is there anything I can do to win her back? She texted me the next morning good morning and texted me later that day telling her about her daughter’s teeth. I responded both times with short answers. Then in the evening I texted her I was giving her the space she needed and for her to let me know when she wanted to see me again. I haven’t heard from her since. No good mornings no good nights nothing. What should I do?
My girlfriend told me that she needs some personal space. So I didn’t text or call her after that. But how much time should I not text her ? Will she text me first ? Or I should text her first ? And if I text her first what should I tell her ? Please help me.
Hi There,
I would possibly encourage a no contact. But it takes more than that. I would advise you to book a coaching session at https://www.apolloniaponti.com so we can help!
Hi there,
So recently I started dating a girl who just came off an abusive relationship. However, we started to date and connection was great. We would talk everyday, see each other when we were available. We both have expressed how much we have grown on each other and really care and like one another. We recently got intimate after just a few weeks of dating, and it was amazing. We both enjoyed it as we were together all night until the morning the next day. Afterwards we were still good and would talk. Out of no where one day I got a vibe from her by her text. She let me know she was in a mood and I asked why never responded. So that night I was out and ended up at a bar she was at as well. I approached her about it and she explained to me we needed to talk. She basically told me she is just going through somethings and is still hurt. I explained that I am here for her and doesn’t need to go about it alone. She explained that it had to do with her ex that she is still hurt and need to get herself together before anything. SMH biggest mistake that night we were both drunk and spoke. I hardly remember the convo and she hasn’t text me since then. I reached out to her letting her know that I appreciated her for letting me know how she felt and that I will respect her by giving her space by backing off. What do I do? I know Valentines day was around the corner we had planned something, and I also bought her a gift. As hard as it is I haven’t text her since then. I am so confused like does she even like me, and what do I do moving forward? Is this over and done, or should I attempt to reach within a week if no contact with her? Please help
Hey,
I’m in a long distance relationship. We just had the phone call about her needing space. A lot of I Don’t know if I can do this anymore and tears. Lately, I have been a mess. Insecure and depressed. And it’s showing in our relationship. Yes, I hate admitting it but I’ve been toxic without even knowing. She tells me we both need to work on ourselves and find inner happiness. I agree but at the same time this weight of losing her is killing me. I asked, should we just end the relationship. She would say, I don’t want and I think so but I need my space right now. But is it too late? should I just move on and accept that I lost her?
Hey Tj,
I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through such a trying time in your relationship. The blog gives a few examples of what you could do to give her that space, how to go about it, and what it really means but if you would like further advice on it I would recommend speaking to a coach. One of our amazing coaches could give you solid advice once they have more details on the situation. If that’s what you choose to do, here’s the link to the coaching. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best, Team Apollonia
Hello Apolonia,
I had been in relationship with this girl for 3 years, recently actually had anniversary with really sentimental gifts from both side. I admit that i was not spending time with my friends and doing things separate and therefore, one week ago, she told me she wants to break up because she needs her space right now, she said she feels she lost herself and she did not follow her “wants”, “maybe i will not come back she said” and moved to a hotel, found a flat and will move there. However, she has been texting to me every evening after work to share some news and to see how i am… She would be my fiance soon and had planned our future together. Right now i really do not know what to do, I found also a flat to move in order not to stay in a flat that is full of memories. Talking my friends all day and started working out again, i have told her from the moment we were discussing about it that I know where i was wrong and i showed her that im changing things. But I really don’t know what to do right now, give her space? I don’t text her at all unless she texts me. I am thinking to tell her after another 2 weeks, to go for some time out and have a funny day, go for some activities etc, no need for recycling the problem talks. Would really appreciate help, i wanted family with this woman and she had told me she also wanted it…
Hi Nick,
Sorry to hear that you’re going through this. It seems like there’s a lot to unpack here. I would recommend you to speak to one of our coaches and give the full story so they can help you effectively. Due to the high volume of comments we get, it’s a little difficult to give you solid advice through the comment section. Here’s where you could go to connect with one of our amazing coaches. Best of luck to you! https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best, Team Apollonia
Hello, I am actually in the same situation. My girlfriend and i have been dating for almost 2 months and asked me yesterday to give her space (for a week) basically because she wants a weekend to herself, is feeling overwhelmed, and is tired mainly because i think its because of her work schedule. Also we had a little argument last Friday but I think she realized she overreacted because she texted me the day after with our normal daily texting. Also I am thinking I might be texting her too much lately. Anyways she told me she would text me next week about next weekend because we might be doing something as its our 2 month anniversary. Should I text her during this time just to tell her I’m thinking of her or hope your well, or just leave her alone?? I mean its only 7 days. Thanks!
Hi Jeremy,
As humans sometimes when we are feeling a little overwhelmed we can lash out and just need some time to gather ourselves and it seems, to me at least, like that could be what’s going on. In order to figure out the sweet spot between constantly texting her and completely leaving her alone, I would recommend speaking to one of our coaches who are better equipped to give you solid advice. Here’s where you could go to contact a coach. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Team Apollonia
so I listen to your advice and later found out my feeling was right she cheated on me and felt bad anytime she saw me hence creating the space. Men if she wants space she’s probably cheating on you it’s a fact. I found out the truth in a painful way. The only thing now is I really want to revenge but I know she might end up affecting her mentally. I still care about her though. The thing is she still hasn’t told but opened to her close friend who told me. with a lot of evidence.
Hey Jon,
I’m so sorry that happened. When a woman asks for space, I promise you that it doesn’t automatically mean that she’s cheating, even though that was your experience. No one should have to go through that! I wish you luck and patience.
Best,
Team Apollonia
Women don’t know what they want. Them when they get something they think they may want, they don’t want it. I agree with everything Apollonio is saying. My girl said she needed space, time to herself because she’s going through a rough patch. So I gave it to her, willingly and happily as this gave me the opportunity to take a breather myself. Not even 2 weeks after, she texted me that my presence is missing, and she begins liking my posts on social media. What did I do, no reply? Why? Because I am committed and focused on me now, and that’s how all men should be. We need to stop being so available for our girlfriends, we need to set standards and boundaries so we have respect too. Sex is good, can get sex anywhere. So my 2 cents, live life in happiness and abundance with our without her (famous U2 song), and keep moving forward. Remember, when there is no wind in your sails, row! Reno
Met girl of my life about 4 months ago, both love each other physically and emotionally. There is also all these list of issues. She works where I am staying, he ex is her boss, she is in school, parents abusive, was engaged before, doesn’t have licence or means to get around , she gets anxiety and panic attacks, eating disorder, I’m 3000 miles from home, have kids, I’m separated but not fully separated, my work doesn’t allow dating within the place your staying as well as drinking, I have a chronic disease, erectil disfction due to my disease, … etc
So a lot of stuff between both of us, complex and all. I’ve been their with her and talked to her with open arms, know when she is down or up etc
Just last week she seemed different and asked she needs time and space to think. Me being a very open and honest person had t talk to her in person. I agreed with her and said I’m here for her whatever happens and all, I think the best is to be supportive?
It had been 3 days and we used to see each other every day and talk every night before bed. Very difficult cause I can’t talk to anyone about my feelings or day, feels like I lost my best friend for good. In my head I know I’m doing the right thing no matter how long this takes. I feel like the worst is going to come and I won’t be able to handle it. I’m trying to stay busy by working as much as I could.
I really want to talk but have not been I have sent a texted the other day cause I was invited last week over for dinner and didn’t know if she still wanted me over. After that the dinner was canceled, (understand) and I said my phone is always on if needed anything and I’ll give you space as you requested. Not sure if I doing this right or not? I’m stuck in this hotel cause I have no where to go or do. Knowing she down stairs at the front desk. She did apply for a new job elsewhere last month and have put her resignation in, but talking the other day she said she might stay, cause she feels bad leaving her boss struggling to find someone to replace her and others. She found another job, cause it pays better as well then we can ‘actually’ date, cause she can’t date customers as well as I.
I think I’m move venting then actually asking questions, but do you think I’m doing the right move? I honestly can say that I want to marry her and have family and all. But with my situation of still technically not fully separated and hers I feel like there is nowhere to go. She is super awesome, caring, passionate, Down to earth, I feel so bad for her cause no one has treated her as she should be treated with respect and love, at a time where she needs it! Her needing space and time. I listen and doing that but not sure if I’m doing the right thing? Scared of her being suicidal or most people think cheating, but I really do trust her and doing think like that. Not sure where to go from here?
Hey Don,
There is definitely a lot to unpack here, so I would recommend you connecting with one of our coaches to get the proper advice you need. Our amazing coaches can have a conversation with you about what’s going on and help you uncover what needs to be done and how to handle it. Here is a link to where you can access the coaching page https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Team Apollonia
So my wife decided she needed space around a week or so ago due to the fact she has been carrying baggage from the beginning of our relationship where I was emotionally unavailable as well as I made poor choices at those time (no cheating or physical abuse or anything of those natures). We haven’t been separated too long. I’ve been trying to give her that space and let her make all the contact moves. She initiated sex as well as nicknames and any kid of intimacy. We talked about boundaries and she still ok with dating and me sleeping over and her sleeping over I left her a few things of mine that smelled like me (which she seemed to have appreciate very much) Also there was an incident that she did after we first talked about separation that she entirely regrets. But I find myself having hard time with as well but trying not to let that show around her. I know she loves me but she just not sure if she’s in love with me. But doesn’t want to regret whatever decision she decides to make. I’ve been trying to focus on myself for the time being and work on areas I lack. My question is how bad does this look and what should I do?
Hey John,
Right off the bat, it seems to me that the both of you definitely still care for each other but I don’t know the gravity of the situation or exact details. I would recommend you connecting with one of our coaches, even for some emails back and forth on the topic so you guys can unpack the situation and get some solid advice from a professional. I think it could be very beneficial. Here’s a direct link to where you could access coaching https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Good luck,
Team Apollonia
Hey I have a question, I have this girl that we’ve been dating for a year now. Last week she found love texts of another girl in my phone. We argued and she left, after two week I called her and we talked, she said she had forgiven but now she is too cold and dry when we talk, because she used to call me babe, swee, love but right now she doesn’t. When I tell her I love her she responds it’s OK. I have tried to talk to her but she tell me she needs some space or rather sometimes to think over what she has gotten her life into. What can I do please help, am afraid that she will leave me, or she is losing feelings for me, or if I gave her space she will get a chance to forger about me, because she even changed how she save me in her phone. What can I do right. Am lost.
Very Informative post. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us.
I have a girlfriend for 2 months now and said that she ”doesn’t feel it anymore”. She says that for the last two weeks there are frequent silence moments between us when we’re together at her studio and that we don’t talk that much anymore like in the beginning. I agree that there were silence moments between us because (from my point of view) she was under stress from moving from her own studio back to their parents (with not a pleasant home situation) and from the Examination Committee of her university due to fraud (which is resolved fortunataly with no negative consequences for her) . We did went to a zoo as a date in these two weeks and that went really well (also according to her). After the last time I was at her place when helping her move out she said ”i’m going to take some distance” but she did say ”i will speak to you soon alright”. Should I wait until she responds or text her again after a couple of days (3-4 days)?
Hello Apollonia, she was in year 1 while I was in my finals in the University, we got to meet before the Corona break and I took her number and we started getting close and finally started dating by September. I graduated November and we were still cool and still seeing each other like once or twice a month until recently I found out she’s been very close to her ex who’s her coursemate and she’s slept over at his place a couple of times. I confronted her and she asked for space. I’ve begged and apologized for doing nothing. What do you think I should do ? I still love her, please how do I get her back.
i break up with my girlfriend 1 month ago.im 27 yo and she 20 yo. the reason was. she need time to think what she want(she dont tell how much time she want).she want to be alone.and what she do!!!she felt pressure.beacuse her mother told her to break up with me.(she doesnt want to be with me. thats her mother told her)my gf say she feels bad,beacuse 1 side its me and in another side is her mother.its not only that.her brother also doesnt want me because is racist with my nationality .tha why told me she need time to think and other stuffs.i send her text before 15 days what she doing .and she text me . and we speak for a while.she told me she quit the job beacuse she had pressure again.the last words she say after told she need time, she wants me to be good and care about me.i call her again before 7 days again.i wanted to ask what she doing .i wanted to meet her.to see her face for only 10 minutes.refuse to see me.and she say i dont have time right now.because was out with her bestfriend.and i tell her after her friend.and say will see.and i tell what will we see??? i dont understand.she repeat 4 times will see….until now.she act like ghost.after last call.
Hi Apollonia,
I really need some quick advice on this; I’ve been seeing my partner now for 8 months now things have been going good and we see each other quite often (sometimes during the week but mainly spend time with each other on weekends) we have spoken about many elements of moving forward together like moving in together and also having a family this even goes as far as discussing children names which she came up with the idea of some names from her heritage (half Greek), our backgrounds are of different were she was privately educated and myself being in some of the better state schools which I felt might be an issue to her or her family as she earns a great amount more than me. We have progressed the relationship by going on some domestic vacations and now booking to go away in October this year also being introduced to family and friends, on many occasions she’s told me that she loves me and that I’m the best guy she’s been with by a clear mile! And also never planned to have kids with any of her past relationships apart from me and never even discussed things with them like how she has with me. with all this said we do have some indifferences which we debated on a few occasions such as medical values to having a vaccine for the current Covid virus which I’m currently not comfortable to take due to my medical conditions. Just a couple nights ago we were due to go away for 3 nights but the night before she asked if we can talk, on arrival she told me that she’s not sure that the relationship was working out and that she feels like we have different values which would effect us in the long run and has a gut feeling of this. when I asked what these was I was told again that she was worried that I didn’t take my medical condition seriously and that also she is scared to have kids etc she then also mentioned this whole naming kids again and that she didn’t want to name them anything like we agreed on (wants to give kids English names where we agreed on Greek) which confused me a lot as these were all her ideas. She also said that as I don’t eat pork, bacon etc she felt that it wasn’t something that she was comfortable with and didn’t want to feel that she had to stop eating this which was something that again she said at the beginning of the relationship that she wasn’t fussed about eating or continuing with. I told her all these things mentioned were all things that she had told me she was ok with given the fact it was all really her ideas and thoughts I told her that I was not happy with all this and confronted her a little before I decided to leave her place even though she said to me that she still loves me and that she doesn’t know what to do and feels like she regrets saying these things to me and said maybe she just needs time because these were on her mind for a while even though we only recently booked our tickets to go on vacation last week. It’s now been two days and I’ve not heard a single thing which tbh I thought I would of atleast got a text the night I left asking if I got home alright but so far nothing! She still has a profile pic of us on her WhatsApp but has been totally inactive on social media and I’m now getting worried for her well-being even with everything she said! Please help me!!
Hi Joseph!
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog When She Says She Needs Space, here’s what to do and for sharing in depth your story with me.
I would highly suggest two things. I have a program called She Needs Space it gives you insights on what to do and how to act when a woman says she needs space. Just head to this link to review the product: https://www.apolloniaponti.co/she-needs-space
My team and I also offer one on one coaching, so if you would like for me to give you advice on your specific situation just head to this link and we will deep dive into your specific situation: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
I look forward to working with you and helping you.
Sincerely,
Apollonia and Team
So I’ve been in a relationship almost a year and my girlfriend recently decided she wanted space because we have started arguing lately. Arguing is the main reasons we both left our previous relationships so it’s something that we both find unacceptable. So here I am looking up articles to do the best things fore me/us during this time.
I really have enjoyed Apollonia’s articles concerning my situations and they have been helpful. However, I’m slightly confused on exactly how to handle my situation because I have read two of her articles on space and one thing was contradictory. The way we as men should communicate during space.
The first article “ What It Means When Your Partner Says “I Need Space!” said to “show up”. Let her know you are there for her. Do things for her. I like doing this and usually do so that didn’t sound too difficult. I also wondered is that why I’m in this situation in the first place. Am I too nice? Does she take me for granted? Well, then I stumbled across this article “When she says she needs space, here’s what to do!”. This article tells me what I want to actually do, that often times I don’t have the strength to do because I fear growing apart. The article instructs us specifically not to text her. Do not call them. Just let her be. Let her text us, let her call us, allow her to initiate contact with us.
I can see how both could work. I also see focusing on ourselves is key in both. But on one hand we would be a sweet, caring man that proves his love and commitment, while also respecting her space. On the other we should just be less available. Basically causing her to realize she had someone good and she should come back. I can do that but I’m not always that guy because that, to me, comes off as a game.
Hey J,
I understand how confusing this is and I’m sorry to hear about your current situation. I would highly suggest you book a coaching call with me because I really want t work this out with you and get to the root of the problem here.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Hey Apollonia,
I really enjoyed both this and your “ What It Means When Your Partner Says ‘I Need Space!’” article. Great insight and a lot to take away and apply in my relationship. Both articles made it clear to focus on one’s self which is easy. However, I did have one question on when/how to communicate. The first article was more on “doing” things and showing them you are committed. While the other (this article) instructed me “give her that space. Do not text her. Do not call her. Just let her be. Let her text you, let her call you”. Is there a balance of both or is it circumstantial? Am I risking us growing apart by simple not reaching out or even doing anything, except working on myself?
Hey Ben,
I am so glad you enjoyed the articles! That is a great question you’re asking. There has to be a balance between anything in the relationship but also if your partner says she does need space, you have to give her that space. I have a video on my youtube that I think you should check out!
https://youtu.be/dz3rz90NieA
My GF of 9 months has asked for a break. She was my go-to and I her. Would talk daily and really connected. I did what you shouldn’t do initially and pleaded etc. I then went with it for a few days then freaked why she wasn’t calling. She admitted during a text fight that she still loved me, but was so stressed out about everything in her life. She suffers from anxiety and I haven’t helped with being snappy, clingy and needy recently due to some developments that turned me into a momentary wuss. I’m working on fixing that. I was getting so frustrated that I couldn’t get straight answers. She made it clear it was a break, not a breakup, but not sure if that really makes a difference. I even gave her the “out” of picking either breakup or break. She choose break. I reset myself and agreed. We texted for a few hours and had the break go into effect at midnight. Now on to no contact for me. Thoughts?
Love the blog and videos.
Hey TM,
I’m really sorry to hear about this! I know how heartbreaking this must be. I want to set up a coaching call with you because I need to know more about what happened in the relationship and how things were handled. I want to properly guide you through this so I hope you will be able to check out my coaching page and book a time.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Hey Apollonia & team, hope you’re all well. Recently appreciating and enjoying your content so much since stumbling upon it.
I just wanted to bring across my situation to you, hope you can get something back to me or at least make a video about it because I can’t seem to find any videos exclusive to my situation. I find parts that resonate but I get caught in a rabbit hole and confused on whether certain things apply.
So basically, I have been with this woman For 2.5 years (honestly the love of my life…convenient, I know lol) but it has not been great for a very long time and now we’re broken up. I’ll explain why and what happened…
So, I valued this girl so much and wanted everything with her but was going through a lot of personal issues with family, finances, home life etc midway through our relationship and she poured so much love and affection towards me when I didn’t really want it. I loved her and wanted her but didn’t want to be in a relationship with her at that point out of embarrassment because I valued her so highly. So I started to seek external validation. I would like and comment on females pictures via Instagram and then ended up sending flirty messages to one woman (with no intention of ever meeting her btw, it was kind of like something to pass time while making me feel good away from reality). And she suspected and caught onto me in August 2020. So as a man who has never been short of options or never been bad with women, I understood what I had done and I kinda went cold with her and told her to just leave it’s never gonna be the same etc. She kept fighting for me to realise what I’m doing and how I’m behaving but I stayed firm. After realising my mistake, I gave in and fought back, apologised and got her back within around 2 weeks and tried to just keep rolling with how it always was. In this time, because of how I was acting she told her parents about what I had done because she thought we’d never be together again. The problem is after that, I was never reassuring and we ended up fighting a lot and during these fights I would just be so cold and a lot of the time send her home in an Uber etc but never meant it. I just wanted my peace and she didn’t really know how to give me space which drove me to the point I made one more mistake making a flirty comment to a pretty lady on Twitter that I followed in March 2021.
She then turned up to my home and broke up with me. That was the “last straw”. Now that broke me apart, I fought and fought and fought to get her back and eventually it worked as of April 2021 but the relationship was never the same. She put so much less time into me and us which she never did and we did fight a little more but when we were together the same love and passion is always there. She has now broken up with me since August 1st 2021 and I have begged and pleaded, she has been hot and cold, we have spent time and slept with each other, she’s gone from unsure to wanting to work, to not wanting to work it out and is now pretty cold. So since Wednesday 15/09 I have decided to move on and go no contact. I just want to know I’m doing the right thing because I obviously made ALL the wrong decisions previously.
I am a 27 year old Male with lots of female experience and a 3 year old child. She is 22, has had one sexual partner before me but I am her very first relationship. She is deeply in love but the reason she can’t do it any more is because she says she doesn’t know how to get over how much I’ve hurt her and also feels like she’s living a double life between making me happy and making her parents happy because they no longer are fans of me since the original situation. I want her so bad man, I’ve never felt this way about a woman. Other women is not a problem, I could have somebody here with me in a heartbeat but what this woman has done for me and the love she has shown me I have never felt or received. Although I don’t want to do no contact, I am doing it for the betterment of myself and I do hope it brings her back. In fact, it’s the only choice I have right now I guess. I understand the win-win situation of it also and I agree with it. I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing to win her back since I’m the one that drove her away and made her insecure.
I was 27 days literally no contact but broke it yesterday as I now feel much better to communicate my feelings as opposed to before when I was fighting and begging for her. It was just a quick call to make sure she is ok as we hadn’t spoken for a long time. She was trying to put on a smile and was happy to see me but quickly broke into tears. I want to meet up with her but I’m unsure whether I should suggest this or go back into no contact? The conversation was brief but nice.
Thanks so much!
Lewis
Hi Lewis,
I know how difficult this can be to deal with but I highly suggest you book a coaching call with me since my time is very limited and we can dive further into this. I really hope you can and I look forward to hearing from you soon!
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
I recently met a woman and we’d been on several dates and hit it off very well. Over the weekend she was supposed to join me for a movie and then the next day join me and my friends for my birthday celebration. The morning before the movie I got a message from her that says she has a lot going on she’s feeling overwhelmed, wished me the best and that’s all I heard that day.
Fast forward to the next day she texts me happy birthday, then proceeds to check in with all of the days activities and asking me to send pictures. We have been texting every day since.
The day before our first date she lost her job. And one she had been previously interviewing for she didn’t get either. So I understand a new relationship on top of being unemployed, losing benefits and job searching can definitely be too much. However I’d like to know where I stand because still texting me is keeping my emotions in a suspended state.
How do I ask if there’s no chance of a romantic relationship once everything has settled for her? I can’t keep this up
Hi Doug,
It seems like there is a lot of things going on with her life right now that can be hard for her but I completely understand this! Let’s book a coaching session so We can go more in-depth with this.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
So ive met an amazing girl. Online and she came to me first. It whas all sweet and i woke up with goodmorning messages everyday and night but slowly it became less as ive felt ive became an lil needy to her and now she just told me she needed some space cause of how much we talked whats the best thing i can do now? She said it in an good way though ive thanked her telling me and said that I appreciate her telling me and she replied with talking solves everything. What should be my next steps?
Hi Brian,
I have a couple of videos on my youtube that talk about how to give her space as well as a program on my website that’s called “She Needs Space” I would be happy to coach you on this and hope you can book a coaching call so I can guide you through this.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
i had a bestfriend for 10months and lastmonth she asked me space and said she will call after 3days but i dont know real meaning of space in friendship and i thought jus a nrml break for her and i always respect her for that. but after 3days i called her and she was disappointed with me! later on i kept trying to contact her but last week she blocked me on all socialmedias☹️ is this like she thought i keep disturbing her or she wanted to moveon? cuz she took stand for me in evry worst situation and now i know i made mistake after seeing ur videos and articles 😶 will she ever initiate call or text or it jus over from her side???
Hi there,
I would give her some time and space. I know how difficult this can be to deal with on your end. Due to my busy schedule if you want more advice from me I would be happy to get on a coaching call with you! You can book a coaching call using this link,
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
i kept trying to call and in trust i called her frm another number…and said my name she hung up! i dono what i did wrong to her for this response mam/sir! it really hurt me to core and broke me into pieces….she is my best friend and we know how much we mean to each other but how come she took this decision? of avoiding me when i needed her most she hung up jus like im nthng💔
Hi, my girlfriend and I been together for almost 3.5 years. Two weeks ago she sat me down and said, ” we need to talk”. She said that She hasn’t been happy and that she loves me but can’t show the love and affection and she does not know why. She also said that I disregard her emotions and does not feel connected when we have sex. She also mentioned that she has put me as her priority for so long and haven’t had time to take care of herself and said that she expressed her feelings about our relationship and our intimacy but said I never took it serious or understood her. She said that I don’t truly listen to her unless she threatens a break up and she is over it. And said that she has given me so many chances and tried to express her feelings about our relationship and our intimacy and said I don’t take it serious or don’t understand it. She came from a sexually abusive relationship and when she told him that they were gonna break up he pretended to kill himself and she was devastated. She went on anti-depressants back then but stopped it because it made her feel crappy. So I asked her what do you want to do and she said she needs a break. She said that she isn’t breaking up with me and isn’t using the break to slowly put me down. But, she also said that she doesn’t want to hurt me. She also asked me if I would be friends were her so I can see the dog because recently we just got a dog. She works full time in the hospital, full time nursing school, taking care of the dog and stuff going on at her parents house so she has a lot on her plate and gets stressed out very easily. This is our second break and the first break was around the same time frame. The first break happened because we were supposed to move into an apartment together but I wasn’t ready and I didn’t speak up, but it was too late and they signed the lease and her sister and her sister boyfriend wanted to move in with us too and I didn’t want to move in with them so she said that she felt I abandoned her. But a couple months later she got kicked out and had no other place to go so I told her she can move in with me at my parents house in the meantime. She recently went back on her anti-depressants for her test anxiety a couple weeks ago and just stopped it cold turkey recently without telling her doctor she went back on it and when she stopped it abruptly without tapering. I was concerned she did not inform her doctor about this. I never once prevented her from taking care of herself if not, I would be the one looking out for her health and well being. She was working 12 hour shifts in the hospital and doing overnights and would tell me how bad it is on her body and so I talked to her and asked is there anyway to switch to a different shift or ask for light work duty so it isn’t hard on her body etc. Whenever her patient passed away or coded or had a bad day at work, she would have emotional breakdowns in the bathroom and I would stop what I am doing at work ASAP to call her and would sometimes leave work early and provided her the stability and gave comfort when she needed it and I was ready to assist by her side and asked her what can I do to better assist your needs etc. I even bought her flowers and a card and cake or maybe a balloon to at least show that I am caring for here and always there for her no matter what. She called me when I was at work and said that she was depressed and felt trapped so I left work early and went straight to her and talked to her and started to look at apartments for us. I would always check in on her classes and and schooling and grades and gave positive input and talked to her on how she can reach her goal on nursing school and that whichever route she will take whether its school or work, I will always support her decision. When she got a flat tire on the side of the road I rushed to her in my work clothes and swapped it and got her a brand new tire. We also had a fun filled summer. We recently went to Miami back in May for my 22nd birthday, California in August and Adirondacks in October. I planned a camping trip in California and we got away just the two of us in a tent no cell service and just spending quality time in the tent at 8,000ft. She said that she hasn’t been happy even before Miami but never said anything to me until now. She never once said, “we need to talk”. It feels like she tries to hint or expects me to read her mind which is hard. It isn’t fair to me that she “wasn’t happy the whole summer and our vacations” and didn’t say anything until now. She also mentioned that “of course I am gonna be happy on vacation and not say anything but when we go back home from vacation, reality sets back in and everything is back to normal.” I would always try to incorporate mini date nights whether its going out for drinks or going out for food for dinner or breakfast. We would even have mini movie nights with our dog and eat popcorn. I would always kiss and hug her in the morning before work. We don’t have as much sex as before because we both still live with our parents and in the process of getting our own apartment. She does have a low sex drive and she mentioned that we don’t have time for it because we are busy working full time and school or don’t have a place to do it. I never forced her to having sex and when I do initiate it and she tells me she is not in the mood or is exhausted I respect it and never beg or push for it. I’m always holding her hand, kissing her, giving her foot and back rubs etc. She says that she expects so much from me but I am already moving mountains and going above and beyond. I would ask her if she wants to get our nails or eyebrows done together or hair done or if she wanted star bucks or Dunkin or tells me she is short money for bills, without hesitation I gave it to her. We don’t even argue that much and I still don’t have answers. It has been a week half into our break and we still text and call here and there and she would reach out to me asking to hang out during the break but I didn’t say no because she will question why I don’t want to and she said that she is used to hanging out and enjoys it. Or sometimes if I don’t text her she thinks I am ignoring her or I don’t want to talk. Our texting has been very dry and I did go two days without texting her and she texted me about her dad having surgery and I told her I am here for her, providing the stability and comfort and if she needs someone to talk to.
My lady and I are on a break, I had a tough time with work and finances this year. She said she needs space to figure out what she wants and will truly make her happy, she also said she really needs me to focus on my finances and bills and work, If I want a future with her. And she did she hopes I’m serious this time. It’s been a process and j don’t think she realizes that.
I’m having a tough time with it because obviously I feel like I’m losing her.. and it’s scary. But I’m doing the work I told her I would.
Would love a response
Hi Dyl,
I would love to help you with this. I would encourage you to book a coaching session with me so I can know more about your relationship with her in order to give you accurate advice.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
I’ve been married for 3 1/2 years so not very long and I started noticing my wife becoming more distant little too no sex stuff like that and just recently she told me she feels trapped and she needs a break to work on herself and I understand that so I gave her a year to live with her mom which is what she wanted I don’t know if it’s going to work I have never lost the love and attraction that I have for her but I’m not sure if she still wants me
She told me that she still loves me but she’s not in love with me atm and she said if she does come back she wants to be the one who puts in the effort to win me back
I have been an incredibly good husband I do more for her than most husbands would do for their wives but I work 7 days a week 12 hours a day and when I come home I just wanted to spend some time with her was I asking for too much?
Hi Dillan,
I’m so sorry to hear about this and I know how tough this can be to deal with. I hope you can book a coaching session with me so we can dive further into this. If coaching is a little out of your budget range, I would encourage you to check out our membership where you get 3 LIVE coaching calls a month, exclusive programs, and discounted one on one coaching as well as a private FB community where you can chat amongst your fellow members.
Here are the links to my private one on one coaching and my membership
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
https://membership.apolloniaponti.com/
– AP Team
I’ve been dating the love of my life for 3.5 years and she just told me that she was considering that we break up, then decided she just needed space to think about the situation because we are so involved and love each other and our families do too. I know she isn’t seeing anyone else and this was completely out of the blue for me. She said she feels like she’s stuck in a high school relationship because I’m in law school and I live with my parents (we are 25 and 26) where she is in her career, and that me being in school is taking away her opportunity to to the youthful things she had expected to be doing (I have 2 years left). I am willing to make changes to this for the sake of making this work because I love her, but we haven’t had anything like this happen to us before and I’m not sure what to do. We have been talking about marriage for a long time and this seems like a far cry from that…
Hi Brandon,
I know Apollonia Ponti would love to help you with this! I hope you can book a coaching session with her so she can dive into this issue with you.
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
– AP Team
Hi Apollonia,
My girlfriend and I dated during our separation from our spouses for 2 years. Both of our divorces were finalized few months ago at the same time and the reason it took so long was because of COVID. It was a long distance relationship and would see her as often as possible. She would tell me that she loved me every day and our hearts were meant to connect with each other. When the divorce was final, reality hit and she was confused. She has no immediate family members like a mom or dad to support her, no siblings and 21 year daughter that lives with her. Her Ex. is 10 minutes away and she’s always taking care his family members. She said that she could never go back, but she will be there to help with her niece who is 2 years because the mom is not around and the dad is worthless. She feels obligated to help her niece and is always doing things for them. I made sure that I supported her with love, caring for her and her daughter, supporting her financially, and making sure she doesn’t run into any obstacles. She always told me that she cares for me, appreciates me, loves me and we talked about the possibility of moving together. She recently asked for space because she is confused. I know that she cares and loves me and I told her that I would respect her to give her the time and space. With mothers day around the corner and her birthday, should I buy her flowers or completely stay away and let her initiate the call.
Hi Apollonia,
My girlfriend and I dated during our separation from our spouses for 2 years. Both of our divorces were finalized few months ago at the same time and the reason it took so long was because of COVID. It was a long distance relationship and would see her as often as possible. She would tell me that she loved me every day and our hearts were meant to connect with each other. When the divorce was final, reality hit and she was confused. She has no immediate family members like a mom or dad to support her, no siblings and 21 year daughter that lives with her. Her Ex. is 10 minutes away and she’s always taking care his family members. She said that she could never go back, but she will be there to help with her niece who is 2 years because the mom is not around and the dad is worthless. She feels obligated to help her niece and is always there for her because the dad is not very supportive to better himself. I made sure that I supported her with love, caring for her and her daughter, supporting her financially, and making sure she doesn’t run into any obstacles. She always told me that she cares for me, appreciates me, loves me and we talked about the possibility of moving together. She recently asked for space and did not expect it because she told me that I’m always there for her and no one has ever done as much as i did to always be there for her. I know that she cares and loves me and I told her that I would respect her to give her the time and space. I’m trying to focus on me and doing things with my friends, but my heart and body wants to reach out to her to make sure she’s okay. I’m not worried or jealous thinking she would be with another.
She made it clear she’s not interested even though her friends are constantly pushing her to experiment and try new things. She’s in her mid 40’s and I’m older than her and trust her. With mothers day around the corner and her birthday, should I buy her flowers or completely stay away and let her initiate the call.
Hi Rick,
I know how hard this can be and I’m so sorry are you able to get a coaching session with us so we can go into this more with you and guide you through this? https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
Me and my girlfriend are taking a step back and giving each other space. She has been too stressed out with work and studying at the same especially since she works remotely from shanghai and studies in japan so we have been in LDR and she barely messages me which keeps me worried most of the time. It was my fault to begin with since I was too dependent and needy from her since I always get worried that she might get affected by earthquakes or something worse. Then it turns to this. She said “she doesnt know if I can be that person who can fill your heart with love”. She then proceeded to say “Am sorry if I have changed and maybe
I don’t know what I want right now.
I think that maybe for now we take
a step back and give each other
some space. You focus on your work and I focus on surviving work and study at the same time because I cannot guarantee to be there for you and LDR needs so much effort” i told her I understand im willing to take a step back if it helps you get your balance right now. She then said “ill work on myself so I can be better for you”. Its been 1 month since we have given each other space and her instagram is always active. I see her stories around. She also watches my stories as well and not a single story has she missed out on ever since then but im reading into it too much and I dont want to be hopeful. Im expecting the worst to come since she has never messaged me other than condolence since my grandfather died. The whole month has been trouble for me since I barely ate, my grandfather died and my job keeps on getting me down the whole time. It has been one of the worst time of my life but I am trying my best to focus on myself and get a great future so I can be a better person. Im thinking whether I should start becoming an english teacher in japan or study culinary in canada so I can be a much better person for her but mostly to myself. Do I have hope for her to come back because its pretty much been 1 whole month and I hear 6 months is already a break up and I keep reading that 1 month is already considered a break up. She will be busy since she has to stay there for at least 1 whole year and Im not sure if I can be strong to wait for her response from then.
Hi Apollonia,
Me and my girlfriend are taking a step back and giving each other space. She has been too stressed out with work and studying at the same especially since she works remotely from shanghai and studies in japan so we have been in LDR and she barely messages me which keeps me worried most of the time. It was my fault to begin with since I was too dependent and needy from her since I always get worried that she might get affected by earthquakes or something worse. Then it turns to this. She said “she doesnt know if I can be that person who can fill your heart with love”. She then proceeded to say “Am sorry if I have changed and maybe
I don’t know what I want right now.
I think that maybe for now we take
a step back and give each other
some space. You focus on your work and I focus on surviving work and study at the same time because I cannot guarantee to be there for you and LDR needs so much effort” i told her I understand im willing to take a step back if it helps you get your balance right now. She then said “ill work on myself so I can be better for you”. Its been 1 month since we have given each other space and her instagram is always active. I see her stories around. She also watches my stories as well and not a single story has she missed out on ever since then but im reading into it too much and I dont want to be hopeful. Im expecting the worst to come since she has never messaged me other than condolence since my grandfather died. The whole month has been trouble for me since I barely ate, my grandfather died and my job keeps on getting me down the whole time. It has been one of the worst time of my life but I am trying my best to focus on myself and get a great future so I can be a better person. Im thinking whether I should start becoming an english teacher in japan or study culinary in canada so I can be a much better person for her but mostly to myself. Do I have hope for her to come back because its pretty much been 1 whole month and I hear 6 months is already a break up and I keep reading that 1 month is already considered a break up. She will be busy since she has to stay there for at least 1 whole year and Im not sure if I can be strong to wait for her response from then.
Hello Apollonia, my girlfriend said she needs space because she needs to get back her mental state, it’s all started when she complains about me being emotionally unavailable. I subscribed to your channel on YouTube months and have seen lots of your videos. Now she texted me that she’s sick, should I show care even though I’m trying to give her that space.
Hi there,
Thank you so much for reaching out to us about this. I know Apollonia would love to help you with your situation but she would need more information about what you’re going through in order to advise you properly. I would highly suggest you book a coaching call with any one of our coaches using this link: https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
-AP Team
AWESOME.🙂