What It Means When Your Partner Says “I Need Space!”
In this article, we are going to discuss what the whole meaning is behind the common thing I hear people say when dating. “I need space!” I know right now can be a difficult time and probably raise so many insecurities in your relationship as well as insecurities so that’s why I created this article. I am going to point out the ways that you may have influenced your partner’s decisions of needing space and also discuss many scenarios that may be happening to you right now. Then I am going to give you tips on what you should start doing right now in order to enhance this relationship and get your partner wanting to spend time with you again. Or if you are the person that said you need space how to move forward from this. Before you read any further, I want you to know one of these most important things. I have coached thousands of men and women around this topic, and it’s something that happens all the time but if you follow the right steps in this article you are going to find yourself happier with yourself and your partner after all. It’s just going to take time, practice, and patience to really look deep within yourself to see exactly how to take control and fix this so your partner will want to be with you non-stop.
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I need space meaning…
At this point, there are a couple of scenarios that you could be wondering why this is happening. When your partner says, they need space it’s typically because of the following reasons. They might feel overwhelmed meaning maybe you were asking too much of them too soon or not implementing anything new in their lives. Some questions that I would ask myself if this is something that could be happening right now are these questions. How did I overwhelm them? Was I needy and asking for too much? Did I become too emotional with my own insecurities? Was I too nice? Next, your partner may be confused or ignoring you. This can happen at any stage of a relationship early on or 5 years later. Perhaps there are some big decisions to be made in this relationship that left your partner feeling confused about where the next step has to go in this relationship. Possibly you haven’t stepped up to the plate to show actions towards something that they are looking for in the relationship. Typically, this means change.
Ask yourself these questions. Am I bringing excitement to this relationship? Am I making my partner feel secure emotionally? Do they know that I’m happy with or without them? Lastly, you may have done something wrong to cause your partner not to want anything to do with you right now. For the sake of this article let’s just claim one of the worse things. Maybe you cheated on your partner, caught in a lie, or say you’re going to change a habit and never do. At this point, you or your partner did something wrong, and your partner may be trying to forgive you. This is a scenario where you will have to be 100% patient but also stop saying sorry! You’re probably thinking WHAT? Stop saying sorry. Yes! Here is why. The minute you continue to say sorry, it just reminds them of the misery or mistake you made.
Instead, I suggest you look at yourself and see how you can show up better through your actions and self-development. I am going to speak about self-development later in this article. Space is going to be key here for you, and your partner, and here is how you’re going to play the “I need space card.” You are going to give them space but still, be available for them. Ask yourself how can I help my partner.
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We Need Space. What Do I Do Next?
Here is how you take matters into your own hands. Maybe your partner works till 6 pm and needs to come home and cook for the kids? Call delivery and order food for the family to be delivered when she gets home, so she doesn’t have to worry about it. Or another idea is. Maybe she has been telling you she needs to put air in her tires or get an oil change ask her if you can come to pick up her car and get her oil changed. You have to show up in ways that you can help her in her life. Where can you add value? Get it? It’s time to get creative! A lot of people think I am going to continue to say sorry, and my partner will believe it, but that actually does the opposite damage. You have to start implementing new things to show them you’re there for them but not actually there. Example: You drop off her car after the oil change. Bring her back a single red rose with a little note on it and say “I’m dedicated to getting our love back. I will continue to show you this.” Don’t call, don’t text, and let time go on till you do something for her again. By doing this, you are giving your partner space but also showing up and being available in new ways that show advancement in their life and your life by owning and granting their wishes. This is something new! At the end of the day when your partner says they need space then it can be looked at in two ways. Either they are going through a hard time and need time to think things through or possibly would like to break up as time goes on. Typically, when your partner would want to break up you will have full warning signs before this happens. They will continue to tell you that they are not happy and that if you do not make a change they want to break up. During the time that she is needing space and not talking to you at all and giving you the idea of breaking up after a couple of weeks or months, then it’s my advice to you to try your hardest to move on and be open to the future possibilities. This is vital to your personal development and strength for yourself and future relationships.
Need Time and Space. Then Focus on You!
Here is where thousands of couples go wrong! They get so fixated on the ego attachment of their partner not wanting them at that particular moment that they chase and chase because you cannot be denied, they cannot give up, they cannot feel insignificant to their partner so they continue to chase which is the worst thing possible that you can do and it actually makes your partner lose some respect for you as well as losing respect for yourself. Here is the thing. I am not dismissing feelings especially when love is there, but it’s important to understand the strengths that can enhance your life and your partners so you can continue to move forward with this relationship or towards happiness since happiness if what we all yearn for as well as love. But without happiness there is no love, right? That’s why the answer during this time is self-development. This is your biggest strength right now. Think of it like this. When a basketball player or a ballerina fail and didn’t do well during their first round, they might be upset, sad, disappointed but they don’t want to fail again because their ends prize is more significant than their pain or disappointment so they focus on how they can get better on the future. They devote time and practice and determine how they can show up better for themselves and their team to reach that end goal they have been working for all year round. This is something that happens every day to the most successful people. They learn to take control, and this is what you need to do right now if you want this relationship back. Focus on your personal development. Read books, listen to a podcast, stop drinking, go to a retreat, workout 5 times a week, and so much more. So how can you show up better for yourself to be the new and improved version that your partner is waiting for? Here is another preconceived notion that many people think that they don’t need to aim towards self-development because their partner isn’t going to see it. Or they get impatient because it takes time. But here’s the thing. If you really want something, you will commit to it, and the only way you commit to it is if it’s in YOUR best interest. The beautiful thing about self-development is as time goes on people notice. I call this silent happiness. People see you in a different light, they say there’s something different about you, you start showing up as a better friend or partner, and you just seem so much lighter or happier than absolutely everything great gravitates towards you.
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Need Space. I Told My Partner This. Now, What’s Next?
If you told your partner you needed space, then it’s time to say to them exactly why. So many people say they need space but are scared or dismissive to tell their partner exactly why. This is key if you love your partner and want them to understand you with open and transparent communication. At this point, they are most likely hurt so you telling them exactly why you need this space won’t hurt them anymore it will just give them the option to understand and make a possible change if they choose to. Here is the most beautiful thing about this whole situation. Space makes people grow, and even in a healthy relationship and thriving relationships,, people take space from each other just to connect with themselves which helps the relationship. People grow and what we forget to realize is if you don’t communicate with your partner you don’t give them the opportunity to show up as the best version that they know how to be. But what happens if you have been open with your partner and nothing has progressed. Then space is well needed but also being honest and open with yourself knowing when to end the relationship and not hanging on because there is guilt. When couples do this, they end up having a significant amount of resentment towards them. So, at this point be clear about your expectations within yourself and also towards your partner. Maybe write them down and then have an open dialogue and let your partner show up or make yourself move on
At the end of the day, you love your partner and space is taken and needed in the most successful relationships. If you still love your partner do the best to show up by focusing on fixing the things that were damaged. If there is still love this isn’t the end, this may be the start of a great new beginning. So, will you take matters into your own hands?
Your coach in needing space,
Apollonia Ponti
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Apollonia Ponti, an international certified coach and founder of apolloniaponti.com. She works with ambitious men to attract the woman they desire, build confidence, master their attraction skills, and helps rebuild relationships.Want deeper clarity like a coaching session and know exactly what to do when she asked for space. Click Here!
You can find her expert advice on “is she using me”, plus a couple other of your core professional services, through her YouTube Channel, and Attract a Woman E-Book. To get real results with women NOW! Change your life and master your attraction. Book a coaching session here.
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Hi Apollonia
read the above three times so it sinks in need to improve myself to put the smile back etc.
My wife wanted space and I didnt react, then wanted a seperation i moved upsatairs she down stairs, in her words nothing cchanged so now im moving into an apartment, started hiit boxing ( look it up great fun) lost 1.5 stone am more confident in myself, can look in the mirror and say “Ilove you !” (couldnt look in the mirror three weeks ago!) and the beauty is work mates male and female people i know and only seen at a distance in the gym saying how well i look how confident i look and bring a ray of sunshine into there lives… i put a shirt and tie on today to do a presentation in work and my 8 year old daughter tod me i looked amazing and ten years younger you have no idea how that felt…I know someone else saw the same but wont say anything… ah well one day maybe
Love you
you are changing my life with your help especially like the no contact one
Stephen xx
Hello Stephen,
This is great!!! I love this story so much and thank you for sharing. Keep up the great work and you are on the right track. If you want to move forward slowly and try to repair your marriage please read this article. This is the one posted yesterday. This may help and understand everything takes time. Which you know. 🙂 I know the article says husband but it has the same meaning for a wife too. https://www.apolloniaponti.com/how-to-get-my-husband-to-notice-me-4-important-tips/
Best,
Apollonia
I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago. We are still living together, but we have planned to move out in a few months. Recently she started dating someone new. She appears to be totally happy with him. She tells me that she no longer loves me, but only loves me as a friend.
I have not been the best boyfriend I have constantly ignored her feelings and caused her immense pain. The only reason why I did break up with her is because I saw how unhappy she was and didn’t want her to be stuck in a relationship where she felt unfulfilled. I didn’t want her to be like my mother who has lived in a relationship where she has been unfulfilled for the last 30 years.
I told myself that this can’t happen to her and the best thing to do is to end it for us. I truly believed that.
For months we have been living well with one another. On January first she told me that we should no longer have sex. I agreed. 2 weeks later she told me she is seeing someone else and she is really happy, I played it off as I was happy for her as well. A week goes by I’m now I’m totally a wreck.
I want to fight for her but it’s hard to justify because I have put her through so much shit. During those months prior to January she was trying to hold onto the relationship. She had me read a book that I took my time on reading. She wanted to discuss which I dismissed.
I have broken up with her twice now. I didn’t feel like I was happy in the relationship and I wasn’t and I didn’t try to fix it. Now I want to but feel that it’s too late. I have made an appointment to seek counseling for myself as this is one of the things that we have discussed, and it was something I told her I didn’t think I needed, now that she is with someone else I feel empty, maybe I’m selfish, jealous or whatever.
I didn’t value her before, I want attentive to her before, but I now can’t stop thinking about her. I understand that it was my decision to end the relationship and I have done so twice. I don’t want to interfere with her relationship now, because I have caused her so much pain, but I want to get her back. Going to therapy maybe a first step, but is it too late? Should I just deal with the consequences and decisions I made? Is there anything I can do as a last ditch effort or have I lost the best thing to ever in my life?
Hi Appolonia
I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago. We are still living together, but we have planned to move out in a few months. Recently she started dating someone new. She appears to be totally happy with him. She tells me that she no longer loves me, but only loves me as a friend.
I have not been the best boyfriend I have constantly ignored her feelings and caused her immense pain. The only reason why I did break up with her is because I saw how unhappy she was and didn’t want her to be stuck in a relationship where she felt unfulfilled. I didn’t want her to be like my mother who has lived in a relationship where she has been unfulfilled for the last 30 years.
I told myself that this can’t happen to her and the best thing to do is to end it for us. I truly believed that.
For months we have been living well with one another. On January first she told me that we should no longer have sex. I agreed. 2 weeks later she told me she is seeing someone else and she is really happy, I played it off as I was happy for her as well. A week goes by I’m now I’m totally a wreck.
I want to fight for her but it’s hard to justify because I have put her through so much shit. During those months prior to January she was trying to hold onto the relationship. She had me read a book that I took my time on reading. She wanted to discuss which I dismissed.
I have broken up with her twice now. I didn’t feel like I was happy in the relationship and I wasn’t and I didn’t try to fix it. Now I want to but feel that it’s too late. I have made an appointment to seek counseling for myself as this is one of the things that we have discussed, and it was something I told her I didn’t think I needed, now that she is with someone else I feel empty, maybe I’m selfish, jealous or whatever.
I didn’t value her before, I want attentive to her before, but I now can’t stop thinking about her. I understand that it was my decision to end the relationship and I have done so twice. I don’t want to interfere with her relationship now, because I have caused her so much pain, but I want to get her back. Going to therapy maybe a first step, but is it too late? Should I just deal with the consequences and decisions I made? Is there anything I can do as a last ditch effort or have I lost the best thing to ever in my life?
Hey sorry… But it’s true let her go… I’ve made that mistake don’t force this relationship…. Get Ur own place start fresh…. It will get easier I promise u that…
Hi, a month ago my gf asked me for space. I left & went to stay with family for almost a month. Her & I share an apartment together. I’ve had health issues-mental & physical over the course of our almost 6 year relationship. I’ve tried meds & counseling & it would help temporarily, but I was still in chronic pain (had 2 hip surgeries resulting in a hip replacement & foot surgery), lost 2 jobs & allowed depression to take over me & my emotions. She thinks I used her, took her for granted & took her patience for granted too & expected her to pay all the bills on her own-(NOT including my own personal bills). She says I forced her to care for me. Finally the beginning of March 2019, I started Cymbalta along with Humira injections & finally feeling more & more like myself after being diagnosed w/an auto immune disease, RA & ankylosing spondylitis & awaiting disability. When I ask her if she loves me she says yes. When I ask her if she wants to be with me she says not now, & she can’t. She says we can’t live together & that she doesn’t want this relationship anymore & doesn’t believe me when I say I’ve changed for the better & doesn’t believe me or anything I say. We haven’t seen each other in a month. She only texts me. I call & she answers & listens to me, but ends up telling me that what I say is nice but she can’t believe me or trust my words. When I ask her if she is certain that I am not the one for her she says she isn’t certain of anything & believes that if we get back together, things will go back the way they were & she’ll be miserable again even though I’ve told her I’m not that person anymore & I won’t allow that & don’t want that either. I keep hearing she isn’t sure or doesn’t know but she does love me & needs more time & more space away from me. She knows I have 2 jobs lined up & I am willing to do anything for her to make this work, but expects me to leave so she can come stay in our apartment since she’s been paying the rent & I haven’t been able to contribute at all for a while since I’ve been disabled & not able to work. She acts like I don’t deserve to live here when all my stuff is here & I moved to this state to be with her & closer to her & her job. She knows I have no where to go, no means to support myself at the moment & thinks I expect her to continue paying for rent while she lives with family because she says she can’t live with me right now & she chose to leave & ask for space & wants this separation & says we’re not together anymore & not in my life in one sentence then tells me she doesn’t know what she wants & then says she doesn’t want to be with me now?? I am confused, heart broken & allowing her to control my emotions, feelings & life. She knows I love her & clearly knows where she stands with me. I, have no idea what she wants & apparently neither does she. This is destroying me & I still love her, but I can’t handle this any longer. It has been a month, but it feels like a year of torture. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. Nothing about this situation is fair & to me it feels like it came out of no where. She is best friends with her mother & hasn’t even told her we are broken up? Her mom has no idea what is going on & I find that strange! I am losing my mind. Please help me.
I’m sorry you’re going through this..I’d hope by now you’d be ok in life and in love.i wish u the best & I hope things go well for you…u don’t deserve anything but happiness…take care doll.
Hi
Me and my wife have been married for 13 years and have 4 children (13,11,7 and 5) in July she told me that she didn’t think out marriage was a good thing. I was devastated and started drinking heavily and smoking more weed. Because that is the only way i knew how to deal with my problems. 2 months later she told me that she wanted to separate and she is in love with someone else (emotional affair)and needs space. I was hurt and upset. After working through the grieving process miraculously in like 30 hrs. I decided to go cold Turkey im 36 and have smoked weed since I was 14. It was a hard process but it has been 4 weeks, and no substances and i have lost 35 lbs and damn near have a 6 pack. I feel awesome and have been reading articles and listening to self help podcasts. The main reason for me to quit my vices was for me but most importantly was for my kids. We are still under the same roof and get along fine. She recently reiterated that she needs space. Because i do little things for her like (make breakfast, clean the house ect…) I told her i do it because it makes me feel good. Because I find myself sometimes getting angry with her in this process. I also am at peace with myself and with whatever outcome happens. Even though I want to be with her. I also told her thank you because the path i was on was no good. I just wanted to share my story and hopefully give someone some hope to say “You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think” a little quote of many i read every day. There is so much more that i can say but I’ll end with Thank You for your articles apollonia and other people that do the same work as you.
p.s. apollonia is my wife’s name. Kind of funny
Hi Brandon, thank you for taking the time to read What it Means when your Partner says “I need space”. This is amazing! Way to go for making those kinds of changes. If you’re interested in self help, they also have groups for addiction or substance abuse, and people walking through similar things. Sometimes it takes drastic things to happen in order for our lives to shift in the right way. I hope you continue with this path.
Best,
Apollonia
I need space, is que for I need another individual while you provide me supply. Soul searching is different from finding a soul mate. Remember what a partner says in the beginning of a relationship, it’s the key to the futures end. Intuitives have an easy time knowing the end, others may struggle. Many will try and make it look like they care, hell they may even try and stay friends with your family members. Give them plenty of space, chances are they have already cheated on you and have been busy working on themselves. They will get mean, they will try and manipulate you and will create silence. They have a huge ego right now, they know you love them and want others as well. So they said in the beginning they cheated on a boyfriend before, they also had been dating someone else. They never told the boyfriend it was over, so they technically never cheated. Well it was cheating and they lie well. They may even have a string of ex partners as friends. They even have said they dont ever want to lose your friendship. Once you catch them, they will stop saying I love you 20 times a day. They also dont want you to go either. When you question the relationship, they grow angry. They dont want to hurt or lose you. Though they could never be honest, hell they have lied since high school. The time they signed a slip in high school to hangout with a friend and got caught. They still are telling lies and doing things behind your back. They may even say they are not dating anyone and don’t want to. They are and you dont need proof. Either stay and get recycled or leave. Not many choices, they never loved you. You were only a season in their life, maybe it was an eight year stretch. Remember you tried to fix it and you did you best. Maybe they’ll date someone older and leave them, or they’ll date someone with money. Just wish them well and say your goodbyes.
Hi there,
So I’ve been with my partner for over 8 years, started dating when I was 17 and he was 18/19. But I’m now 25 and he’s 27 and we have only been living together for 2 years. He recently just bought a house with his good friend so we are now living there. Over the years we have had petty fights, and I guess a lot is to do with my own insecurities as an individual. But just recently he has asked for space, as he needs the time and space to think. He believes we are just too different although i know we do share a lot of the same interests like going for hikes and walks, traveling to new places, enjoying scenery, dogs (as we share a furbaby), we have the same morals. But it is true we are still different as individuals too, we run different routines. But he said to me recently one thing he doesn’t like for example is I am more messier than him. The hardest part is I am still completely in love with him. But I have no idea how long this space is for and what he’s expecting from me? I’m struggling with this completely and want to do whatever I can to fix this. And help him feel our love again.
Hi Farren. Thank you for reading What it Means when you partner says I need space. I would really take this time to work on and improve the things you want in your life. Maybe learning how to be more disciplined with cleaning. Pull back and concentrate on your own life right now though. Your happiness comes from within not from someone else. Take this time and take yourself out on dates. Do things that you love to do by yourself. Find your independence again.
Wishing you the best,
Apollonia
My wife has asked for space, she said she loves me but is not in love with me. We’ve had some issues in the past that I’m trying to address personally, but what I’m really struggling with is giving her the space she needs. I find myself constantly wanting to speak to her about our situation, which I know is the wrong thing to do, but I find it so hard. Do you have any suggestions to help me stop doing this, i know all I wil do is push her further away.
These words of experience can truly do a lot change peoples life.
I believe everything I read and believe once applied the right way in ones life, great things will happen.
Hi Chris. Thank you for reading What it Means When Your Partner Says I Need Space! I’m so glad you enjoyed my article!
Wishing you the best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia. Your message to Farren I understand it, but question if your allowing space for a given situation and once start dating isn’t that bringing someone else in the picture at the moment and at which it will be stated that you were cheating??
Please let me know your thoughts on this.
I wish things were different for u, you deserve so much more out of life.Hopefully u girls have worked things out either way..I wish u well.
Yes, sometimes we all need space, not for other reason but sometimes we need to love ourself again more as we did earlier so that we can love our partner and dear one more.., same I am experiencing, I need time and space for exploring myself again, for know me better than me, for complete my own commitment, for love myself more so that I can love my dear ones more, sometimes we need space for renewing ourself. I hope our near and dear ones understand it and positively support us for it. !¡!!!
Hey Monika. Exactly!! Needing space isn’t a bad thing. It gives people time to recenter and refocus so that they can continue moving forward in a healthy way. Thank you for stopping by and commenting on Why it means when your partner says I need space. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
Hi APOLLONIA
Am pelumi by name, my boyfriend demand for space, he said am not implementing any new things to his life,and I don’t no how to go about it.
When he told me he need space because I don’t understand what space is, I thought he wanted to break up with me, so, I challenge him alot and I make some statement I was not suppose to use on him.
Because I truly love him, I later calm down and ask if I can see him one on one, he’s now telling me that I should have ask people if I didn’t no d meaning of space he’s talking about.
And now I just check it now and I understand what he mean. But my problem now is that, how am I going to have him back, because I have talk too much, I don’t no how am to do it, I really want my man back as soon as possible.
Please I will be glad if you can help me out, because its affecting me in all ways please
Hey Samuel. Thanks for stopping by and reading what it means when your partner says I need space. Space does not mean break up. It means take this time to really work on yourself and the issues that are coming up. It sounds like you reacted and said some hurtful things, which means I would really suggest working on yourself and taking the time to heal from your past. Your happiness is your responsiblity, same with your self esteem and self worth. Learn how to fall in love with yourself. Work on feeling like you NEED someone in order to make you happy, because if you don’t work on the issues that you’ve got now, you’ll push him away again later.
best,
Apollonia
My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. We were engaged to be married and very much in love. She is stationed in the military a few hours away and before the covid 19 crisis we would see one another 2 weekends a month. Since the crisis she is not allowed to travel per the military and does not encourage travel on my part, it being a bad idea at this time. A week ago she told me she needed time to think and to give her space. She asked me for no contact until i hear from her. She expressed that she loves me no less but being alone has her feeling relief and she is torn between wanting to be with me for ever and wanting to be alone. I have not respected her wishes and have contacted her several times during the past week. I understand this is a mistake but i was not expecting this to happen. She has not blamed me at all but i know that my expecting us to together sooner than is possible has been hurting her because she cannot give me what push for. The reality of our situation, more circumstances then her career, keep us from forming a plan at this point and i know this but have refused to accept it. I have not been listening. I have blamed her career. I have been miserable because i have been trying to force life to happen when i know i cannot do that with or without her. I have come to these things through introspection in the past week and expressed them to her. I agreed yesterday to not contact her for two weeks so she can work through things in her head. I am going to give her the time but and so scared to lose her. I would gladly slow our relationship down and set boundrys and expectations to continue the long life we have both expressed we have wanted together. I have been meditating and speaking with a counselor to work out the issues I have been having. I am still very upset however. I am not upset with her but how i have allowed my unrealistic expectations to cause her to feel less stressed alone. She tells me that she can see herself being alone and sees us being together forever this is what she must work through. I know what i must do but am scared that she will chose being alone over the stressful relationship we where in because it will be difficult for her to see my change in attitude while being soo far apart and us not speaking. I am working on myself and am going to give her time to work through how she has been feeling. I care for her very much.
Hi apollinia, me an my partner have been together for 4 years with a 2 an half year old, recently I noticed she wasn’t very happy, so I asked her about it and she said she wasn’t happy anymore an that she wanted ‘space’. I took this as she wanted to breakup, so my old self started being really needy to the point we’re she’s flipped and said she’s had enough. So I finally gave her the respect she derseves and left her to be on her own, this all started aswell when her father died and we had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago, and she feels like I wasn’t emitonally there for her which I have now understood since the breakup and I have to work on myself, but this breakup has made me realise how much of an idiot I’ve actually been, and it’s making me want to change in myself. Do you think she will come around as we have a child together? Also in these 4 years we’ve never actually broken up or had time apart together this is the first time for it. Thanks anyway
I have a question. Right now, me and my girlfriend are going through a rough patch. We’ve been on and off for about a year and are currently long distance due to the lockdown. Recently, I’ve done her wrong when I snapped at her and hung up on her during an argument instead of dealing with it right away. I called an hour later apologising and said to her that I wanted to make it up to her by having an online dinner that night to sort it out and talk about it. When I called her, she didn’t want to have dinner or talk, was being cold and ignored me for like an hour (while on the phone) and then hung up. This continued the next day that she was being cold but she did reach out multiple times and again, when I got her on the phone, she again ignored me for like an hour until I told her that the ignoring was enough and that we needed to talk it out to get through this. We talked a little and it was moving slowly until she then hung up suddenly.
This caused me to shut down over the next couple of days and we were still in contact but it was dry. Then we had a chat where she said she feels lonely and that she’d rather spend it alone and have quality time alone than be with someone who doesn’t fill that void and she feels like giving up. I basically told her that I’d figured out all the stuff that I did wrong to her and that we needed to sit down and get her to talk about it. I also said that I knew the solutions and how to fix it but didn’t tell her cause that’s obviously dumb as actions speak louder than words. I basically said that my message was me reaching out to sort this and that it’ll only work if she reached back out too. To which she said the words that you’ve probably expected “will have to think about this”. And I said that I know that it won’t be an overnight thing.
Next day, I sent a good morning text to which I’ve gotten no reply and tried calling her later in the day to which I was sent to a busy tone so I didn’t contact her for the entire day. Now she seems to have blocked me on Whatsapp. I think she actually wanted me to make more effort and contact her more as she felt that I was taking her for granted.
So basically, I know that I should just leave her be to figure stuff out. It’s been 2 days since then but any advice on how to get her to open up again? Should I eventually reach out or just leave her be? Would really appreciate a comment
Hello Apollonia,
My wife said she is no longer interested in the marriage after 16years of relation and 13years of marriage. We have 3kids together(7,12,14) and 3 steps son, 2 of her, and 1 of mine. I have made a lot of mistakes in the past in my marriage like saying hurtful words when I am angry and the way l have handled some things. Because I am obsessed with her, that makes me clingy, controlling, needy, and later become jealous. Due to my jealousy act, she started doing things that will make me more jealous. She did not respect me anymore and she has fallen out of love with me. I have pledged and beg for her forgiven so many times, Know she said she is not interested in the marriage again. Over 6 months now we are sleeping in separate rooms. She doesn’t allow me to touch her. She wants me out of the house, but I am sleeping in the sitting room for now.
I still love her and want her back.
Please what can l do?
I have tried everything.
I don’t know much about marriage but I’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch in your marriage. I hope you were able to talk to your wife about your guys’ future. Sending good vibes.
I havent really understood, why so many people view taking space or a break as leading to a bad outcome. A person usually asks for space when they feel monotonous or going through a routine where the other partner might not be responsible at all. Many things in our lives including our jobs, personal relationships like friends ,parents or just something different at all might be affecting us in a bad way. Taking space is a means of reflecting on oneself, processing whats going on around us and just simply recharging our batteries , getting rejuvenated and refreshed. So that when we get back to our relationship or job or whatever we have that energy and zeal to go about like we intended to. Mind you in all of this the other partner was not involved in any way. Its just when things get mechanical or regular do we take such breaks to put back ourselves on track again. Alone time away from our everything that is our daily thing is the best way to recuperate. Repetition of any kind for a long time leads to monotony whether be it relationship, food , sports or a hobby. Taking space is the only way of truly resetting amd thats not just me, it has science behind it. Urge people to not believe everything that they read on the internet and instead use common sense and a broader senstivity towards others.
Hi Abhyuday,
Thank you for your beautiful and insightful comment and thank you for reading our blog 🙂
Best,
Apollonia’s team
Hello – thank you for your article. This helped me get where I need to be. However, I couldn’t help but question myself regarding the ego part. I’m not sure if it’s the ego or my internal traumas that hurt when getting rejected. I have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years now and whenever he gets an anxiety attack or depressed, he shuts down on me and tells me he needs his space which means I can no longer come over to his home or see each other. This happens maybe every 2-3 months. Last one was last month and current one was 2 days ago. This recent space situation, unfortunately his father passed away. They did not have a good relationship for over a decade due to family matters. He shut me down again. Which I understand. You need time to process what just happened. But it is very difficult for me to not be able to be there for him. Even if I don’t say anything, I just want to hold him and kiss his forehead. I miss him. I have had many deaths in my life and I always wanted someone there with me while I grieve. I’m not the type to need space from my boyfriend when I’m feeling down. I actually like my space when I’m happy and need to get things done. So it’s very confusing when he pushes me away when he feels down. I feel like I can console him and be affectionate with him. He always lets me know why he needs space. At the beginning, it was hard for me because I took it personal. But now I’m starting to get the hang of it. Kind of. I still don’t like when he pushes me away. Recently, I made the mistake of making the space situation about me. I asked him why doesn’t he want me to be there for him? Why can’t he just talk to me about it? Amongst other relationship matters. I found it rude when he blocked me after asking those questions. I see now that I might have annoyed him, but it feels like he doesn’t confine in me or loves me enough to be around. He told me he needs weeks or up to a month! That’s crazy! I’ve never had to deal with this ever in my life! And he hasn’t either. I would appreciate someone’s guidance on how NOT to take it personal because it really hurts my feelings how we can be best friends one day then BOOM! He drops me once again. Am I not good enough to want to console him? We are very happy together in general. That’s why this is so confusing to me! Thank you. P.S. I thought this was going towards a pre breakup but he unblocked me and reassured me he still loves me. I hope this is true.
what to do when you and your gf are both still legally married, you get deep into the relationship and your gf says everything went too fast for and she needs space
Give her the space. This happens when you get in a relationship with someone who has not finished their relationship with someone else. Focus on you moving forward and that’s it. Focus on your life and doing the best you can. Also, I would encourage you to book a session with one of our coaches if you need more guidance. 🙂 https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
Best,
Apollonia
I live with my fiancé and son, this is the second time she’s asked for space. Would it be appropriate to move out for a week or so, and reevaluate our relationship at a appropriate time, or is it possible to give her the space she needs within our own home?
Hi Matthew,
I’m sorry to hear that. Possibly check this out if you are looking for more guidance? https://www.apolloniaponti.com/sheneedsspace
Best,
AP Team
Hi I`ve met this guy a couple of months ago, but he was still married. I’m not sure if him and his wife had marital problems, because we never discussed her.At first we became friends and then it later turn into an affair, but I’m not married but he is, like I said. Bu then it happened that his wife passed on two weeks back.I didn’t know should I be relieved or scared seeing that there is no third person between us. Also after her funeral he explained to me about his wife’s relatives that is becoming a problem, I’m sure they where also grieving with her dead, and he ask me for some space between us.He told me we can still text and call each other but we won’t be able to see each other regulary, beacuse I think he need time to grieve his wife passing. I need some advise what to do.
Hi Annelize,
Thank you so much for reading Apollonia’s blog. I know our coaches would love to help you with your situation. In order to get advice from our coaches, they would need to know a little more about what’s going on. I hope you can book a coaching session with us!
https://www.apolloniaponti.com/private-coaching/
-Ap Team