Personal Values: How To Know My Values

Values are a very important foundational trait that we must live by in order for others to either admire, respect and treat us appropriately. Yes, people can treat us badly if we don’t have values and you might say “that’s horrible” or “that sucks people shouldn’t” but that’s easy to say rather then far from the truth because in life it is our job to respect ourselves and others can choose to follow. We cannot control other people and that’s why it’s important to have a solid foundation of values so you can stand out from A LOT of men and actually get clarity on what and who you want in your life.

Values are things that YOU believe are important. They determine your goals, priorities, and sometimes life purpose. They can also be a measurement to tell if you are living the life that you want and attracting the people you want. Also, better relationships!

When our values fail, or we don’t get clear on them then we have two reactions towards them. 1. People and the world suck. 2. I suck, I‘m not cut out for this.

So either way, you get into a victim mentality and you are misled and you will not get what you want with these two reactions.

Personal Values Definition: Why You Must Do What You Value!

The moment we wake up and go to bed we have to realize that you are making a decision every day, every hour, every minute, and every second. You make decisions on how you spend your money, your time, and what to pay attention to, and where you direct your time and energy.

For example, right now you are choosing to read this and there are a number of things that you could be doing, but right now, you are choosing to be here because this is aligned with something you want and the benefit of you. A healthy benefit of you. Your behaviors always adapt to how you follow through with the things that are aligned with you and what is important to you and for you.

Before we get into defining your values it’s important to understand what is good and what is bad. I call bad values victim values.

Good values are:
Controllable and Healthy
Constructive
Proven and evidence-based

Bad values are:
Combative/Destructive
Emotionally based
Uncontrollable/ Unhealthy

Here’s where a lot of people go wrong in value changes or implementation. You can’t argue with someone out of their own values. You also can’t shame yourself or others into valuing something different. Remember that everyone has a different upbringing that makes them who they are. That’s why it’s important to find someone who is aligned with similar values so you’re not mistreated or misled into something that’s not for you.

In the section below I’m going to give you a list of core values that are pretty common but also great to discover about yourself and take it from there. I would consider mapping out your core values in this specific way.

Follow Steps Below:

Choose as many values below that you like and write them down on a sheet of paper.
Then narrow these core values down to 10.
After you narrowed down your values to 10 I want you to ask yourself “Why is this important to me?” Write about why it’s important. Then, You will ask yourself “What does (enter value) mean to me? Write about what it means to you.
After you finish this exercise I want you to then narrow it down to 5 important values.

You have your top values (10) then your most important values (5)

Now, when you look at these values make sure you also think about the following definitions of these values.

Grounding: views of the world and what we need for a feeling of calmness.
Family: fundamental relationships to ourselves and others
Management: Establishing and maintaining stability in your life.
Self-Awareness: Individual responsibility for yourself and determining the quality of relationships with others.
Outer Awareness: How you interact with others and within the context of groups and the society/world at large.
Expansion: Future-oriented aspirations and goals.

Your Core Personal Values List:

• Authenticity
• Acceptance 
• Achievement 
• Adventure 
• Affection
• Authority
• Autonomy
• Balance
• Beauty
• Being Present
• Belief 
• Belonging 
• Boldness
• Caretaking/ Nurturing 
• Compassion
• Challenge
• Charity
• Choice
• Citizenship
• Collaboration
• Commitment
• Community
• Competency
• Competitive
• Contribution
• Courage
• Creativity
• Curiosity
• Decisive
• Detachment
• Determination
• Development
• Dialogue
• Discipline 
• Diversity
• Duty 
• Economic Security
  
• Empowering Others
  
• Equality
  
• Efficiency
  
• Empathy
  
• Fairness
  
• Faith
  
• Fame
  
• Financial Success
  
• Flexibility
  
• Food and Shelter
  
• Friendships
  
• Fun
  
• Growth
  
• Happiness
  
• Honesty
  
• Human Rights
  
• Humor
  
• Independence
  
• Interdependence
  
• Integrity
  
• Intimacy
  
• Intuition
  
• Influence
  
• Informing
  
• Inner Harmony
  
• Innovation
  
• Inspiring Others
  
• Justice
  
• Kindness
  
• Knowledge
  
• Leadership
  
• Learning
  
• Listening
  
• Legacy
  
• Love
  
• Loyalty
  
• Obedience 
  
• Maintenance
  
• Managing
  
• Meaningful Work
  
• Mind-Body Integrity
  
• Openness
  
• Optimism
  
• Partnership
  
• Patience 
  
• Patriotism
  
• Peace
  
• Personal Growth
  
• Physical Functioning
  
• Playfulness
  
• Pleasure
  
• Poise
  
• Popularity
  
• Problem Solving
  
• Productivity
  
• Quality
  
• Questioning
  
• Rationality
  
• Recognition
  
• Reflection
  
• Religion
  
• Reputation
  
• Respect
  
• Responsibility
  
• Risk
  
• Security/Safety 
  
• Self-Confidence
  
• Self- Restraint 
  
• Self-Respect
  
• Self-Worth
  
• Service
  
• Sensuality
  
• Simplification
  
• Simultaneity
  
• Spirituality
  
• Stability
  
• Strategy
  
• Success
  
• Sustainability
  
• Status
  
• Tradition
  
• Trustworthiness
  
• Wealth
  
• Well-Being
  
• Wisdom
  
• Wonder 

Personal Values Assessment: How To Make Your Values Work For You

When you sit around thinking about having better values would be nice and not actually implementing them is where we don’t get our values and standards to work for us. Nothing will actually work until you go out and embody that new value and lead with discipline. Values are won and lost throughout life and this is what makes us get better at choosing what we want or like. Values have to be lived within you first in order to experience and ask for them.

This often takes courage and discipline and to understand that not everyone will have the same intention and values as you. That’s why it’s so important when we get to know someone to take your time to get to know one another! It’s easy to want an idea of someone and want authentic relationships but it’s also hard to live them. Yes, it’s scary, we may avoid it, we may make excuses, we may become frustrated but if we keep making excuses and don’t align ourselves with integrity and value and be of value it’s inevitable you will end up feeling more pain and having another failure.

Values are based on experience. We can choose to have a victim experience or turn this around and take accountability to put new actions into place with ourselves than others. You cannot make someone value the same thing or argue someone out of their values. You cannot threaten them to let go of their deeply held beliefs. This will make someone defensive and even more resistant to changing themselves. You just have to embody them and approach them with empathy.

The way we change someone’s values is by presenting them with a positive experience that is contrary to their value.

Personal Values Example-Four Steps To Living By Your Values:

Set goals that are aligned with your value.
Make decisions in such a way that you get closer to your goal.
Experience the emotional and physical of each value.
Talk about your value to others and yourself.

Now, you have the manual to embody your best self! Put these into action and I can promise you positive change!!

Your Coach,

Apollonia Ponti