Why Do People Ghost and How To Move Past It!
Ghosting, the new phenomenon. You’ve been ghosted, right? For the most part, everyone has experienced ghosting in one form or another. This is simply when one person suddenly just disappears from communication and ignores any kind of reach out. It can leave you feeling confused, frustrated and even going crazy with replaying conversations in your head trying to explain what could have led to this or if it was your fault. In this article, I’m going to break down why people ghost and what to do about it when it happens to you.
Ghosting People | Why It Happens…
This literally happens so much. It’s a phenomenon that both men and women experience. I’ve even been ghosted before. So let’s just say it happens to almost everybody. The biggest thing I want you to understand before we go into the reasons why that you’re being ghosted, I don’t want you to look at ghosting as you’re not valuable or you’re not enough for a woman or you’re a guy that’s never going to get a girl or you’re not worthy of love because a lot of us attach someone else’s behaviors to our own outcome of life, of what we want.
I’m going to repeat this. We attach someone else’s behaviors to what we want as our outcome of life. So what happens here? It puts our truest desires on hold because we gave the freedom to some else to make that choice for us. So that’s why I want to kind of break this down and say this first because what I see a lot of times is when women and men (and it doesn’t matter because it happens on both sides) when people get ghosted they attach a lot of that to their own self-worth. And I want you to understand that relationships and dating takes work. You learn from your mistakes. Everything is lessons in life and that’s why you’re here. You’re learning. At least you’re five steps ahead of so many other people because you’re reading this article.
Why Do People Ghost You: 4 Reasons Why They Do!
Reason #1 She’s doesn’t take you seriously.
One of the biggest reasons I see women ghosting men is because of the fact that they can’t take you seriously. Let’s tackle this one first so you know how to move in the right direction! These are two ways that women won’t be able to take you seriously and it’s because one of the reasons, you’re coming off like you’re just hanging out for fun. It seems like you’re just having fun and she can’t take you seriously and you seem like you’re “player,” type. Or two, you’re too available. So you continue to just be passive and go with the flow of things and it doesn’t give her anything to work for. It’s not exciting.
So those are the two reasons why a woman will typically ghost you. If this is something that happens to you often, if this rings a bell, those are the two reasons why a woman would typically ghost you when it comes to how you show up.
Reason #2 You didn’t set any boundaries on what you wanted.
Another tip in regards to ghosting and why she would be ghosting you is because you didn’t set the boundaries, you didn’t set the ground rules on what it is that you wanted, you’re not showing her that you know what you wanted. You didn’t sexually escalate. You didn’t escalate at all. You didn’t pursue. You didn’t do this. You were just kind of really like I said in tip one, going with the flow or you showed her that you were overcompensating.
Reason #3 You were overcompensating to impress her.
And this leads me into tip three. You were overcompensating to impress her. You were trying to impress her to try to make her see your own self-worth. So women can feel this and the way you don’t do this is by making sure that you only focus on the present moment with a woman instead of getting attached to an unnecessary outcome.
Reason #4 People don’t like confrontation.
A lot of people ghost because they don’t like confrontation. And a lot of times it’s easier just to say bye and disappear because of the fact that they don’t have to confront you about it. So they just stop returning your calls. They don’t text you. They might even avoid you when they see you out because a lot of times people in this world don’t like confrontation and that’s huge.
It’s easier just to ghost someone than it is to say I don’t want to be with you or I don’t like you anymore. And yeah, it’s not an excuse and I’m not giving an excuse to okay this, but at the same time understand that you don’t always know what the other person really, intentionally wants until time goes on. So this person might not have been ready for a relationship or wanted to just have fun. Who knows? But the idea here that I want to give you and for you to remember is not only to detach from this, don’t attach this outcome to your existence, but also understand that a lot of people ghost because they don’t like confrontation.
Why Do Women Ghost! The REAL Reason!
There are a few reasons why a woman will ghost you. If she feels like you’ve been too much too soon, this can make her feel like you’re not emotionally stable and solid. A woman in this position might ghost because she’s either afraid of hurting your feelings or she feels like you won’t listen to her and you’ll keep trying.
There might also be things that she’s said that indicated this was coming, too. If she kept canceling plans or said that you guys should slow down or that it was too much too soon, these are indicators that you’re moving too quickly and rushing things and she’s feeling it.
This is why it’s important to allow yourself to get to know someone and not just get caught up by a pretty face, right? You have to see if this person and you match and are on the same level. Just because someone is going out on a date, that doesn’t mean that they’re looking for marriage or a relationship. The same is also true for guys, some guys go out on a date but that doesn’t mean they’re ready for a relationship, either. So know that you have to really get to know the person sitting across from you because they might not even know that they’re not ready. And it’s up to you to find out if you guys are looking for the same things in life.
Another reason why women ghost is because she feels like if she tells you, you’ll just try to convince her otherwise and she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Again, this is also like reason number 4, people just don’t like confrontation. She doesn’t want to have to explain herself or feel like you’re going to beg in any way, so she decides to pull a disappearing act to avoid all of that. It’s still not okay, but sometimes people do this because they think it’s easier on someone and less mean. Remember, everyone is just trying to do their best in life and we all make mistakes.
What Does it Mean When Someone Ghosts You!
Ghosting is huge in our modern-day society and I want you to really focus on how to prevent this from happening. But also too, how to prevent yourself from attaching to the ghosting moment because a lot of times when someone ghosts you, it just means that they weren’t capable of telling you that they’re either not ready or they’re not interested.
That’s really the thing it boils down to, guys. There’s no big secret behind this or any need to dig in and read into this. It really sucks, don’t get me wrong, speaking from experience, but it also shows that that person is not the person for you. When someone ghosts you, it’s because they were too afraid to say that they’re not interested in continuing or they realized that they’re not ready for a relationship and they were only looking to have fun.
Decide what it is that you want. Stick to your values and your morals. If there are things that you feel like contributing to the ghosting, then you know where to start with what to work on, right? If you were too open and available, then work on loving your life and building hobbies and not canceling plans you’ve made with other friends for a date. At least don’t do that constantly. A woman loves when a man has his own life going. If she didn’t take you seriously, then start looking at being more open and honest, showing a more vulnerable side, if you’re looking for a relationship.
The main thing to take away from this, guys, is don’t take this personally. Ghosting is more about the other person and how the other person chooses to respond and react to things. The best thing to do is to learn from this and know that you are enough. Keep growing.
If you liked today’s article, drop a comment below and let me know if this has happened to you and what you do to not take it personally. Remember you are always loved.
Your coach,
Apollonia Ponti
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Great piece on ghosting Apollonia. I was in a similar situation with a date who initially gave me the green light on many levels until she declined to respond to a message l sent her. I did not send a second message, and l immediately stopped commenting on her photo uploads like l used too. No time for games, l am a bit matured now in this dating process
Hi Paul,
Great! Put in the time to someone who wants the same thing and pace yourself when dating a woman. 🙂 Thanks for your comment. Love hearing from everyone!
Best,
Apollonia
Great article Apollonia! I strongly believe when you do your best to increase your awareness and learn from the situation it increase my self worth (more abundance mentality).
Hi Mikey,
Exactly! More abundance mentality! Seems like you read my abundance mentality blog. One of my favorites. 😉
Best,
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia,
What an important topic that we can all relate to. I literally was just ghosted. I finally got annoyed and came to the realization that it wasn’t me that had an issue, it was her. Your reassuring words make me feel so much better. Thank you for writing about this.
Hi Paul,
Exactly. Ghosting has happened to most of us. Including me! Wishing you the best. Great attitude. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
Very right. We avoid confrontation. Ghosting has a lot to do with “experience, facts, and the information” we do not want to share, especially to avoid its consequences. It may trigger persuasion…
Hi France,
Exactly. Thanks for stopping by.
-Apollonia
Just read your blog on Ghosting.
I really liked what I read. I’m 56, a veteran and retired. I enjoy volunteering at my local VA and a member of a Native American Color Guard. It has taken me some time to grow and also learn how to let things go.
I get to travel and meet different people, I live it. It’s taken time I was very quiet and didn’t know how to engage people. I was used to being told what to do and where to go. My main focus was to get the mission done. I’ve had a very rough history with women. I love them and they also scare me.
I’ve have come to the understanding that I have only one life. I need to challenge my fears and grow. It’s all a learning process .
It’s not the time I live life but the life I have lived in that time. It was easier to go out in the field and go into the not known that go to a club and talk to a woman. Great of rejection.
I like what you wrote, not all people are at the same place in life. We do our best we can on that day.
Thank you Apollonia for your time.
Hi Rene,
Thank you for reading my blog about ghosting and sharing your comment. Happy you’re here.
-Apollonia 🙂
My wife has left the home and wants a divorce. She had an affair with a man at work. She says she is not seeing him anymore but she just want to be alone, although i dont believe that at all. She is very hateful and she is trying to ghost me but she is also ghosting my 6 year old son and he is struggling, so i try to communicate with her and keep a relationship between them. But she always gets my intentions completely wrong and is just mean and hateful before anything is even said. I really dont knowxwhat to do.
Hi Bruce,
I’m so sorry. I would suggest a coaching session so we can help you further or invest in one of my products 35 rules to save your relationship. I do think right now after cheating it’s important to not over purse in hopes of not losing her. This is where you can lose your dignity. It’s about really getting to the root of why and your wife has to be ready. I have some videos on my YouTube about infidelity just go to my channel type “cheat” and the videos will pop up. 🙂 Wishing you the best!
-Apollonia
This is a hard pill to swallow but your advice is helpful. Thank you
Hi Allen,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog about why do people ghost. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
After reading this I feel like treating women is treating with kids. Do this, don’t do that, this too much, that is not enough. So never is enough no matter what. With this behavior all we want is have fun and go away because is impossible to trust women. Maybe I’m too radical but there’s no other solution
🙂
Thank you for the perspective you share, Apollonia. I find it very helpful, as I too have been one of many who has fallen for being ghosted and taking it personally. What really resonated with me is your urging that one maintain a sense of self and independence, not being apologetic about maintaining a life, interests and pursuits of one’s own.
As a result, in the past year, I have begun devising a lifestyle that I feel is healthy and well-rounded, consisting of work, volunteering to help the less fortunate, socializing and engaging in my own creative pursuits. I am a poet, a singer, an illustrator, a motivational speaker and have learned to appreciate my own company, living in my own skin. I welcome quiet time for self-reflection and it creates a healthy balance in my life. What I am beginning to find is that once I have resolved to stop chasing after the love of women as if it were my lifeline, I am generating more interest and appeal from women. It it not just a clever cliche, but I am finding that being true to oneself is what women respect and admire. I am on a journey of life, to be sure, but a most rewarding one at that, and I believe the best is yet to be! Thank you, Apollonia, for your sense of empathy, enlightenment and for this opportunity for me to share.
Hi Dave,
Woah, what a beautiful comment and thank you! Thank you for being here with me and I loved reading this comment. Also, thanks for reading my blog about why do people ghost. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
As we all do, I wish I came across your YouTube 3 months ago Apolonia. Everything you talk about makes so much sense, unfortunately I made all this mistakes and don’t know if I can, I want or is worth to try and repair them. Felt in love with a beautiful girl, gave her a 10, put her on the pedestal and lose my mind! Thank you for the eye opening material!
Hi George,
Well, I’m happy you’re here now and because you are you won’t make the habits cause they are lessons. 🙂 Thanks for reading this blog about why do people ghost. 🙂
Best,
Apollonia
Hey Apollonia , this is wonderful blog …a real practical reasons behind ghosting ..and very well explain too ..I really liked it ..thanks once again
Hi Shekhar,
Thank you for reading my blog about why people ghost. 🙂
Apollonia
Hi appolonia ponti when do women lose their love to a guy is it months or years
Because there is this girl who showed signs that she loves me but I don’t see her anymore
Because she works somewhere else.
I’m not sure if she loved you in the first place? It’s about having a relationship with someone first. Also, it’s not about when a woman loses love. It’s about finding a relationship and investing time in one another. 😉
Hi I have another question for you
Why did this girl stopped chasing me because she showed signs that she loves me
since then she works somewhere else I have no contact with her and I haven’t seen her in person anymore?
Wow! all what is on the article it really open my eyes and i have come across with girl GHOST me. now i know how to handle myself to avoid being ghosted.
Hi There- Happy it helped. 🙂
Thanks apollonia for this wonderful topic
Thank you Rocky for reading my blog about “ghosting” 🙂
Hi apollonia this statement is very striWe attach someone else’s behaviors to what we want as our outcome of life.cken “We attach someone else’s behaviors to what we want as our outcome of life” and it is so true to the fact of this article. You have always say something in most of your video’s that the only person we can change is ourselves not the other person. I recently got ghosted by a girl. I met her in church, I asked her for a date twice and she said no. One particular sunday I told her I was coming to her place and I did as I promised but she wasn’t around. I gave up gradually but after a while we started talking on the phone and even plan for another date which didn’t work out too. So this particular Thursday she told me she was sick and that she will be going to the hospital on friday that am free to come join her and I didn’t go because I was busy. On Saturday I called and she didn’t pickup and on Sunday I went to visit her and she was so uninterested to talk to me so I left. Hoping for her to called but she never did and she stop church too for a while maybe she was trying to ghost me. The reason why am writing this is that I have always look at what happened as my fault and the worst case scenario will be if she actually stop church becos of me. So am planning on meeting up with her and have a talk with her in so doing we might figure out what actually went wrong but for real am not interest anymore.
Joel
Hi apollonia this statement is very stricken “We attach someone else’s behaviors to what we want as our outcome of life” and it is so true to the fact of this article. You have always say something in most of your video’s that the only person we can change is ourselves not the other person. I recently got ghosted by a girl. I met her in church, I asked her for a date twice and she said no. One particular sunday I told her I was coming to her place and I did as I promised but she wasn’t around. I gave up gradually but after a while we started talking on the phone and even plan for another date which didn’t work out too. So this particular Thursday she told me she was sick and that she will be going to the hospital on friday that am free to come join her and I didn’t go because I was busy. On Saturday I called and she didn’t pickup and on Sunday I went to visit her and she was so uninterested to talk to me so I left. Hoping for her to called but she never did and she stop church too for a while maybe she was trying to ghost me. The reason why am writing this is that I have always look at what happened as my fault and the worst case scenario will be if she actually stop church becos of me. So am planning on meeting up with her and have a talk with her in so doing we might figure out what actually went wrong but for real am not interest anymore.
“You didn’t sexually escalate. You didn’t escalate at all.” Exactly. I never express desire to any woman no matter how much I’m attracted to her or how well things are going between us. I know my sexual interest will never be reciprocated. Since rejection at a sexual level is s always guaranteed for me, there is no point in telling any woman how I feel.
Apollonia, so funny I’m reading this blog! I went out on a date with a woman I met using all the skills I’ve learned from your videos. Things went great, I escalated she responded. She was pursuing me. Then I asked her out for a second date, she said yes. The next day she cancels and after a few short burst of texts she ghosted me. It’s been two weeks and I haven’t texted her and I won’t!
I knew it wasn’t me and your blog confirmed that for me. Thank you for what you do for us guys!
Hi, Apollonia! Having had the opportunity to read the shared experiences of others, I just want to give a shout-out of recognition and support to all who have written in. While I have never met anyone on this message board and it would be an injustice for me to say I KNOW what you are going through, I truly empathize with you as one who has been ghosted myself and been left scratching my head wondering what was wrong with me. But guess what? I’m still here – healthier, more fulfilled and more optimistic than ever!
All I can say is, never stop believing in yourselves and the good within each of you. The very fact that we are here on Apollonia’s site is indicative of our sincerity and desire to realize better days – and I am confident that we ALL will. We are all in this together in one way or another and I believe we all have what it takes to move past our respective obstacles – obstacles that we can render as mere speed bumps on our journey, rather than as a disabling brick wall barrier.
Finally, Apollonia, I am so grateful for having stumbled upon your informative videos. Unlike some others who might consider themselves authorities on the subject of embarking on and enhancing relationships, one of the many qualities that sets you apart from and above the others is that you never talk down to us; rather you SHARE WITH US. You do not hesitate to allow that you have been in situations yourself that have been concerns for you in the past and how you overcame them. It is refreshing to elicit feedback from someone who is a flesh and blood human being, not simply an invisible guru preaching to the masses from a mountaintop. I am only too happy to sing your praises and refer other friends and associates to your site.
I enjoyed reading your article on ghosting. It has been very insightful and helpful. I have been ghost by someone I cared about so much. But I have also learned to ghost her and make her existence irrelevant since I have nothing to lose. Recently, she reached out when she saw some photos I upoloaded on Facebook having fun. However, I ignored her messages as I have lost interest in her. I now realize she isn’t the woman for me. I’m wiser!
Hi Ken,
Yes, exactly. Her interest perked when she saw pictures. Unfortunately.
Hi Apollonia – when I go out, I often have long conversations with the most gorgeous women during which they are 100% focussed on me for hours while other guys hover. Sometimes I vehemently disagree with them about things to the point I’ve had drinks thrown on me – but still they stay to talk. Here’s the thing: all the while, I know rationally there is *no way* any woman could ever see me in a sexual light, and so I never try to ‘flirt’ or ‘make a move’ because doing so would be pointless. I go out, socialize and have a great time: I talk to the hottest women in the room, they love talking to me, and other guys hate me because I monopolize the hottest ladies in the room. But the ladies *always* end up giving me a disappointed look at the end of the night (which I’ve never understood, btw), and leaving with someone else. And I always go home alone because I cannot attract them sexually.
Hey Apollonian, this is when I have just ready your, I am just from going through ghosting and still figuring out lessons to be learnt. Above my focus is always to constantly developing and improving myself, great post thanks
Hi Kenford. That’s great that you’re learning and growing! Keep discovering more about yourself and falling in love with yourself. It will attract the right people. Thanks for stopping by and commenting on why do people ghost and how to move past it!
Wishing you the best!
Apollonia
Hi Apollonia
I think i’m being ghosted. I can see she’s all over WhatsApp (I hate it!) but aside from one message over the weekend when i really needed her as the friend we once were, there’s been nothing. This is after last Thursday when we met up and spoke for a good amount of time and she confessed afterwards she could’ve stayed longer talking and looks forward to doing it again soon. I helped her through some very difficult and dark times, and perhaps (wrongly) i thought she would at least acknowledge that when i need the same. I’m beginning to think I’ve put her on a pedestal and she’s not the person i thought she was and in the process i have messed up what else has been important in my life.
Hi John,
Thank you for your message. and reading or blog.
We are glad you are able to analyze and take time to see what you can do to improve yourself.
Expectations are premeditated resentment, if you believe your expectations alone will bring you what you want, simply because you did something for someone in the past, you are using your magical thinking and setting yourself up for disappointment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPVLg8B9ik4, We encourage you to watch some of our youtube videos and explore more this subject.
Best,
Apollonia’s team
One thing you missed Apollonia, is why guys ghost. I have been guilty of that many times. I have been friend zoned too many times even by women I really wanted. I don’t believe I ever come across as needy. But when I invest a lot of time in someone and it’s just not recipricated, I just lose interest over time and feel like I am bashing my head into the wall. One of my classmates that was my biggest crush ever, I invested 8 years in her. I woke one day and said enough, and haven’t talked to her in 20 years. She never tried to salvage the friendship either. I had another girl, I had 6 months of emailing invested, who would not meet me, so I dropped her too. I did so many of these tips you suggested, and met so much rejection. I’m a guy who was upfront about being a Christian virgin until my wedding day, don’t drink, no drugs/smoking, and having a solid career. So much scorn so being so good.
Dear Apollonia:
I have not written to you in over 2 – 3 years. But I just got blocked by this Chinese girl two weeks ago.
I thought our messaging was really going well. She contacted me to tell me she did well on her investments. She lives in New York and I live Los Angeles.
I said that is great? She told me that she visits under privileged children in China or donates money to remote villages in China when she makes a profit.
I then sent some prayer quotes on Whatsapp for the children to her and then she never has responded to back me. She has blocked me.
What do you think happened?
Richard
Dear Apollonia:
An extra mean form of ghosting happened to me: After nice and intense contact, even already had a first date, she disappeared… Not talked to me on the phone anymore, nor answered my messages…She obviously left, so far so bad. But what the really strange & confusing thing was about this, she on the other hand was still checking on my messages and reading them silently. I could also see her immediate online status when she did so being available, she must have been aware of that for sure. This added somekind of cruel sadistic flavour to the whole unpleasant circumstance. So I even had a harder time thinking and figuring out how to handle this. Back then I almost went crazy about this! It just didn’t make sense. Next time I came in conversation with a girl I made clear right from the start that I don’t want to experience something like that ever again in my life. If that prevents me from being ghosted again I can’t say of course.